10mg to 20mg increase, how do you cope? 😢

Treatment and medication
1

It seems bizarre that going to the Dr after a month feeling slightly  better, lessening side effects and a bit brighter, I now find myself feeling back to square one.

My doctor wants to increase the dose as I wasnt fully myself and dealing with a broken heart too. This journey was too much for my long term boyfriend. Devastated.  I've gone from 10mg to 20mg and day one I feel like I can't make it through another day.

my anxiety is through the roof, my skin is burning, I feel sick, alone and desperately sad 😢

How do people cope? 

Any my advice or support, really appreciated xx

2

I was on 10mg for a week with no side affects,I was put up to 20mg after a week still no side affects with the dose increase.ive been on 20mg for a month and I can't really notice any difference ,I'm still very anxious ,I don't know if Its because I haven't been on them long enough to notice the full effect or if I need to up my dose .i have to see my gp Monday so I will see what she recommends.

3

Hi,

20 mg is the right dose for this ssri.

if the medicine works for you ,you have to try to cope withe these side effects ,as you did with the 10 mg ,for 2-3 more weeks until they subside.

if you cannot ,then you could try to go back at the 10 mg and go on ,in consultation always with your doctor.

4

Hi Donna,

At the moment it will seem bizarre.

However, I can assure you that what you have said, what your Dr has decided and the side effects you are experiencing are all perfectly usual when taking Citalopram. What is not usual and totally unacceptable is your boyfriend's attitude toward you, but we'll come back to that a little while later. In fact I would go as far as to say regarding the side effects that fortunately, you aren't experiencing anywhere near those that some do and that is something positive to hold on to at this devastating time.

When I increased from 10mg to 20mg I had some of the same effects and one or two new ones and one or two less old ones however, things did begin to settle down after a while. Now, you may be thinking how long did it take? Well, that depends on every uniquely individual person. No one is the same, we are all human beings, but that is basically where the similarity ends especially when it comes to meds. Generally, they do work for everyone and do usually obtain the required result, but each journey is quite different and we don't all get the same side effects or the intensity of them either. It also depends why you are taking them and how much repair work is needed.

Another positive you should hold on to is that your Dr appears, from what you have said, to know you well and what you currently need regarding dosage. I am so lucky that my GP also knows me and a lot about sticking plasters for the brain because, she increased my dosage as I mentioned and after a blip or two everything began to settle down and eventually level out for me.

You should also be aware that Cita causes anxiety to be able to treat it – now that is bizzare! I didn't realise I had any until it hit me and coupled with slight panic attacks I found it all very bizarre – mind you I was walking about like a zombie at the time (but with less drool and I don't think my arms were outstretched).

Sadly, you are now left with a void in your life, your heart is broken and you are suffering from heightened stress because of this.

Well, Donna from my very own experience I have been there myself, I did not believe anyone when they said that person was not for me, was not meant to be. They were right, although I could not see it at the time. That was then and now? Well, my girlfriend and I had known each other about a year before we started dating and three months into our relationship I was signed unfit with work related stress and I crashed big time! She knew little about mental health issues, but stuck by me and learned as I did (which was good because, half the time I didn't know nor couldn't remember what was going on). She, a few Family and Friends that understood, my fantastic GP who I totally entrusted my health with and this forum combined, saved my life. So much so that we are now engaged (my girlfriend and I not me and my GP Lol!). Mind you, the forum has become a kinda extended Family as time has gone on.

Save this 'little' note from me for future reading.

If someone who says they love you so much so that you entrust all your heart, soul and body to them and yet they cannot stand by you at the first hint of a problem then, you are better off without them! It is harsh, but then the truth usually is. It is also better to know this now than years down the road when you have committed your life to them too! We do not know what the future may bring, but it's a darn clear sign when someone who professes to love you turns their back and walks away! You just have to give it all time to heal and one aid to this is to realise just how lucky you have been. Do you know, this is why I don't bother with men myself! Trust me the right person is out there for you, you just ain't met them yet!

None of this may feel of any consolation at the moment with a broken heart, but try and remember you are not the first nor will you be the last and that is why many of us will be able to relate to how you are feeling and will offer help.

Just remember you are not alone. You do have us okay!

Keep reading and posting, no matter how insignificant, we have all been there.

Best regards,

David

5

Pleased to hear you were losing side effects so soon. By increasing your dose you have to allow your body/brain to get used to the higher dose. Remember too that anxiety is also a side effect. Stick with it......your GP knows what she is doing. It's just a case of getting past the side effects....I'm waiting for that too....started on 20, a week later on 30, was supposed to start 40 from last Thursdat, but still got very spaced out headache/dizziness, so waiting till next Wednesday. I'm seeing improvements tho. Good luck

6

Way to go Iris! 

Great to hear you are doing well and giving some back by helping others.

Best Regards,

David

7

Thank you for replying Sue, you are lucky to not be experiencing side effects, and I hope you get the dose sorted soon and your anxiety disappears xx

8

I know people get frightened and frustrated but all they need to do is read the info leaflet accompanying the meds, and they will see that they are experiencing the effects common to others. I'm just waiting to ask myself "what was that all about?"

9

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.  I've both laughed and cried reading this.  I feel a bit zombified now, but will heed your advice...no outstretched arms or drool 😂

Everything you you say is right, I know.  He's never good when the chips are down. Everyone I know says he's not an evil guy but a taker, self centered, and I can do better.  I don't have one friend actually that I can think of routing for us. He's had anxiety, he knows I have it, he told me he would stand by me while I got help. When I told him I need a bit if TLC to help with the side effects, he said I only had them as I'd read about them.  He went quiet for days, then left me 😥  He says one day when things are right for him, we can try again.  If I had something terminal, I think he would jump ship if I'm honest.  He likes to live life, although most of that is fantasy. 

I just feel trapped with theses symptoms, unable to gain the strength I need to change my mindset.  I'm on self destruct at the moment even though I know I may have dodged a bullet.

I will re read your message, and keep for future reading too.

Thank you sooooo much for your kind words and the time you dedicated to reaching out to me  xx

10

Thank you Iris. I know the leaflet states the side effects, but reading them and experiencing them are different things. For me anyway. I guess I am just reaching out for support, as I'm now on my own.  It's a real struggle.  I'm finding it really hard to change my mindset and move to a better place with these effects.  I know they will subside but it's a bit like being in a tornado. You know the effects, you know it will end, but while you are in it...it's scary as hell xx

11

Hi Donna, like you I find David is very reassuring, and there certainly are some of us on this forum who are willing to help each other, rather than putting the fear into written words. Once the med starts building up in your brain, you'll find that your thoughts become more positive and that you can quickly replace any negative thoughts with the positive. Now I bet David sees a difference in me right now from when I first met him on this forum two/three weeks ago. The only drawback is that I'm sleeping like a teenager again....12 hours per night, but that's the meds calming me. I wish you well.....do be assured that there is someone special out there just waiting to meet you....dreaming about that alone will increase your serotonin. Forget your self-centred ex...mummy prob got him that way. XXXX. Iris

12

I agree with every word you've said Donna....if you read the side effects of paracetamol you wouldn't take them. Some days are easier than others...yesterday my head was in space.....a hangover without the booze....but last night I had a few wines and the head is much better today! Strange indeed, but things like windy weather, rain, even hot weather can do the very same to us. It would be nice to keep in touch with you......I'm on my own too, widowed just over 9 yrs ago. I find that negative thoughts stay in your own head because of it.....if hubby was here he would be able to bring out the logic. So do keep in touch....we are prob both at the same stage....I'm 17 days in

13

Hi Donna, 

The side effects can take a while to subside and there's no easy way to say this but you just have to stick with it until they wear off. I've been on 20mg for 6 weeks today (was previously on 10mg for 3 months) and I'm still not completely there yet. I have had some very good days and some bad ones, but eventually the good days should outnumber the bad and that's what I'm holding out for. It doesn't happen overnight, it is a very gradual process with lots and lots of ups and downs. Just keep persevering and you will get there xxx

14

Thank you for being so understanding Iris x I've just completed a month but this is the first day of doubling the dose. So sorry to hear you too are on your own, and had the pain of losing someone you loved. It's horrible.  I hope for both of us these pills bring new beginnings and open the way for new chapters as life is too short and for living. We know the theory, just putting it into practice that's hard. Let's hope it's temporary xx

15

Thank you for your encouraging words.  I hope you get there soon.  There seems to a light for you, good days are appearing. I dont want to wish time away but I want to find myself again soon.  Xx

16

Thanks for your kind words.....in 9 years I've lost my hubby and my only brother, had both breasts taken to cancer, got chronic leukaemia, my son emigrated to NZ. Last year I felt depressed after my brother died, but went on to suffer blood clots on lungs. This year I've had pneumonia and labyrinthitis......as my doc says, you can't put 18 amps through a 13 amp fuse and expect it not to blow! We WIll Get better!

17

Well, I shall now suggest you read the words to and listen (have a cry to "A Little Time" by The Beautiful South".  I gave him the benefit of the doubt before by not including it in the first message, but now I'm not holding back!  I also suggest you get yer favourite and most uplifting song to play after, you know the one that makes you feel strong and uncrushable.  We had a discussion here on the forum about a year ago re music and its feel good medicinal aid to being down.  The outcome and total agreement was put on the radio or yer music system crank up the volume sing, scream, shout and dance about the house!  It will make you feel better.

You said he is self centred and I say he's up his own ar*e if I'm honest and I am, I'm known as Honest Dave, honest!

Seriously, accept he has gone, it won't do you any good missing a one sided relationship and just forget him.  A friend of my Ann (did I tell you I had an Ann?) had been in a similar relationship for over 20 years (OVER 20 fekin years!).  When we got together and she saw how happy Ann and I were I think it triggered some sensible reasoning in her head and she ended it and moved house, in fact she moved town.  She has started again and is so much happier.  She said that it was like finishing a prison sentence and the freedom is something she has forgotten she was entitled to.  Hence, due to my own experiences and ones of friends like this lady I give no holes barred advice to people who are, to all intent and purposes, victims of other peoples sadness.  He does need help, but you cannot give him what he needs.

Do not look at this situation as being trapped by the symptoms just accept that it will be sh*te and to get better you have to go through it. We are here for you.  Make a note of your feelings and side effects so when you see yer Dr (regularly, at least once a month or more if need be) you can keep she/he updated with everything and that'll help them help you move forward.  We don't look back, we don't want to be the person we once were or be our old self again, why would we?  If we do this we go back to square one and defeat all the good that has happened by moving forward, recoverying and being a new better person.

Like I already said sounds like a good Dr there!

Oh Yes! I didn't tell you about the emergency duvet did I.  Keep one in yer most used room apart from the bedroom.  I found that an emergency duvet downstairs in our living room was ideal when I did manage to get out of bed, but that was about it!  I would crawl under, curl up and distance myself from the rest of the world.  Maybe, but rarely to begin with watch some TV or a DVD or just wallow.  The thing is do not watch crap reality/celeb TV, do not watch soaps and only listen to the news once a day!  I gradually changed my lifestyle as the months went by to do my bit for my own recovery, gave up smoking right away, stopped drinking and gave up meat, but not seafood - well I am a Pisces. I also gave up that and those which made me ill - my job.  I am now in a part time job doing a non stressful job with a bunch of very happy people!!!  Not sure what they are on, but I think it is because the couple that own the business are happy and of course that filters down and out through the business!

Anyway, I have a meal to cook, I love cooking and Ann loves eating it lol!

Regards,

David

PS You know the song 'Happy'  by Pharrell Williams?  Go on line and search Happy by Cologne.  On 'Happy Day' a couple of years ago a group of yound people in Cologne mimed and danced to the song - it is Fantastisch!

18

Thank you Iris. You are very perceptive, mummy did get him that way. Even as a 54 year old, he's still the baby of the family who they bail out, never question and spoil. His older brother was the smart one, so I think he is trying to prove himself as he never felt successful as a child.  He's always looking to be better than everyone, nicer clothes, most fun job, good looking woman, tells everyone he's living the life when actually he's quite ordinary.  It's hard to get him out my heart though. I hope the meds do deal with my negative thoughts as I'm falling into a darker place right now ☹️ Xxx

19

Thank you Honest Dave, it's funny I was only thinking of The Beautiful South song the other day. 

Im at a point where I feel so bad, ashamed and guilty for losing it over silly things when I was with him. I want to tell him how sorry I am for my anxiety. I fully understand that seeing someone like me would make you run.  I feel so guilty. I feel I'm such a horrible person. I function in work as a professional but when I'm with him, it brings out my worst, I panic.  

Our relationship broke down before, he left without me seeing it coming, just a brief note. Cleared his things and returned to the uk, we were living in Spain. 3 weeks he'd planned it, but never sat down to talk to me.  I was over working and getting stressed. He was being the house husband, never our plan and I resented it. He doesn't talk when things go wrong, he plans his escape. Who blames him ?

I feel I broke the relationship and want to mend it. I feel that to show the world I'm not this horrible human I need to make us work. But I am this horrible person, not sure drugs are going to cure this.  I know I can't change the past, or past actions and this puts me in a panic as to show the world you have changed takes time. Things are so painful now, thinking of reaching the end if the week is feeling impossible. 

If you were to see me on the street you would never believe who I am inside. People think I'm a confident, strong person who fights for what's she believes is fair, and is there for others.  This was a description of me in a workshop activity by a friend...how wrong. 

I will take your advice and sort a playlist of inspiring music in the morning.   Sleep is a rare commodity at the moment, it's 5 am and I didn't get to sleep till 2am. Not Sure what's a side effect and what's ne anymore.  I'm in a dark place at the moment, that's getting darker...I hope it lifts soon, I can't bear this. I dont want to die, I couldn't do that to my children but life is so terribly painful I want the pain to stop. 

Thank you David for taking the time to listen and reply.  I'm humbled and amazed someone who has never met me would give me their time. Ann has found a real gem xx

20

wow Iris, I really feel for you. The strength you must have as a person to get through all you have must be phenomenal!  How can I possibly feel so bad about my life when I see what you've been through?  I think that's what makes me feel worse. I have a good job, live in Spain, although I miss family, provide a great school for my son. 

My mum is going through the cancer battle now. She's had a tumour from her bowel removed and is refusing chemo. I feel bad I live away, and my sister makes sure I feel bad. My mum is more lonely than ill and has mental problems too. She's made me the mess I am today, my childhood was an absolute disaster. I think she is on the autistic spectrum, she's never been able to give me support, I'm always the cause of her problems it's a mess, but I love her dearly. It's a painful love. 

I've just had an awakening moment writing this.  Is this it?  I can see how my ex is the product of his mum, still searching to resolve issues from his childhood, am I doing the same?   Am I still trying to fix someone so they show love for me, like I craved from my mum as a child?  I have spent my life trying not to be my mother with my own kids, and in many ways I'm not, but I think there are many unresolved issues I need to address. 

I hope things improve for you Iris, you've surely had your quota in life for sure. Let's hope so.  Thank you again xxx