Hi...I have so many mixed emotions...and I guess they r normal .I posted yesterday that I went to outpatient physical therapy..I was excited to go because I didn't do many exercises 3 days prior to that..I've been so depressed...and the more I didn't exercise or eat, the worse I felt...so I go to therapy ...in the van this lady yapped the whole time and in the office and on the way home she yapped...I couldn't stand it...so I didn't make an appointment to go back there...I know my options..
Go to a different place, do exercises here til I can drive to a different therapy place next week....I know what I have to do...it's just my spirits are so low...and my fiance, this morning, was in his mind , trying to help me..but his delivery was off...tough love doesn't work for me..he should know that by now after 5 years..he hates my fav show big brother...he keeps putting it down...I told him the sopranos is much worse with all the cursing, cheating, etc...so he says we'll at least he's trying to learn a new skill...real estate.....he does hvac now. ..I don't know what skill I want to learn...I'm having trouble enough doing these exercises....so I was crying before he left for work.....he went to the store for me and came back before work ....I know he wants me to be stronger and I'm probably disappointing him..I'm not suicidal but I feel like he'd be better off without me ..then he wouldn't have to worry about me and my dumb show....and not learning a new skill....before the op, I did all his laundry, cooked and cleaned and went food shopping....and helped my pop pop who's 94, the last pearl harbor survivor in Philly.....on Aug 20, our 5 year anniversary, I was in the worst pain...5 days after op, he was so mean to me....threatening to take the cat to the pound if I don't get him fixed in time, he said all I talked about was doctors for a year, then helping pop pop to his therapy.....I told him I'll leave..I could barely walk and no place to go. He said he didn't want me to leave....we aren't married....what happens if when I'm older, something worse happens to me...is he gonna treat me that bad too? Or worse? Sorry if I'm on a pity pot but I'm supposed to vent here....I don't have a lot of friends ..my sis lives 10 min away hasn't came by...I was the maid of honor in her wedding..my moms too emotionally unstable to be here...I have a few friends in AA but they r busy...I really don't know what else to say.
You do not need to have the abuse from your so called partner. But pull yourself up brush those shoulders off and look at life more positively. If you do not do the exercises you will not get stronger.
I have nursed my husband for 2.5yrs through cancer and he has now had a role reversal, and the huffing and puffing got to me, but I just laid it down flat. I have run around after you, cooked, washed, nursed, sat with you through 4 operations, and 3 lots of chemo, did I huff and puff not once. I told him if he could not cope then to go away stay with his son whilst I recover as I did not need him to be so negative.
The shock reality is I would have given up on our marriage if it had continued but it gave him the kick up the bum he is now more patient with me, and has stopped the huffing and puffing.
So Joyce today I want you to face those exercises, go for a short walk and look at the world with rose tinted glasses as you need to get through the darkness you have got yourself into.
Between us Joyce, Many in recovery are very self centered and believe the world revolves around them. I have been around people in recovery 30 years, and it does get better. I am on my third marriage, so I may not be the best to say anything but then again my husband has been through 4 should surgeries and I did everything for him and the house for years and now is his turn. He has been so supportive. What is the Big Brother thing? Do you have one tv? if not then frankly speaking he sounds like a bully. Is this how you want your life? You may be having a coming to Jesus as we say. Do nothing rash, but get a plan, a skill, a new job when healed, a car, then perhaps a studio, alone you may just be happier, or this could all be post op depression. Well ...I have to get back to work. I am so sorry people have let you down. Make sure you get some fresh air today! love Annette xoxoox and don't let him mnipulate you about Tickles.
I doubt that this is the right time to make life partner decisions although you now have a good sense of what support you will get when the chips are down.
But ... it might be good to talk to your doctor too. You are emotional right now - not your fault as this operation and recovery journey makes us craaazzzyyy at times. But if it is all getting to you, perhaps the doctor could give you something to smooth it out.
I have been very lucky with friends who were able to come and 'spell' my husband off regularly - very good for him and for me! I hope you have this type of support as well. If not, make a list of a civilise you love to do and see which ones are feasible - then do them😊
It may sound simplistic but sometimes we need to 'get over ourselves' and have some fun. It helps shift our mood and motivate us.
If after you have your feet under you again you are still of the same mind about your partner ... then maybe it is ime to move on.
Oh dear Joyce,you are going through a rough time ..but you must do your exercises pet ..its for your own good . Know that I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and keep us posted .x
Wow Joyce, Things dont sound good. I am also experiencing depression, i fight it all the time. It is 3 months since surgery and still cant walk without a cane, and i have a pain in my thigh all of the time. My, granddaughter was gung ho to help me but i dont think she signed on for it lasting this long and she gets testy with me. I just wish i had never had the operation.
Hi Joyce, so sorry you are going through such a rough time. It is very important to keep up the exercises to get better. What a difference it makes and you will see improvement so much faster. I may not be the best advice giver, but I won't allow anyone to bully me. Over the years I have just learned to flat out tell someone if they are mistreating me. Life is too short to be abused, mistreated or put down. Myself I would get well, get a skill and make a plan to move on. Like I said I may not be the best to give advice as I have had my share of failed relationships. One thing I can say is I always pick myself up, dust off and go on. It's ok to vent and get it out that is what we are here for. Wishing you wellness, good luck and much happiness.....Hugs....Barb
Very couragous of you to share this with us and please, come back anytime - this is a safe place and the right place to come - Sometimes just venting, writing down the words can be very therapeutic and might give you insight and more clarity in your own situation -
You are not alone and so many already responded --- '
This surgery is challenging on so many levels - So confrontational as well -
confrontation with my self - Feeling helpless and depending and living alone - Asking for help ? so difficult but then realizing that if I don't I don't get -- I still have not mastered this one , not even after 2 THR surgeries -
We all agree that this is not the way to treat you or anybody - We would love to beat him up with our crutches and sticks and tell him what you went through and dealing with right now .... seriously ...
We also agree that this post-op time is mind boggling - we are not of right mind - At least I was not, and still am not - very emotional roller coaster and it is a good idea to ask your doctor for some kind of medication -
How long are you together with your boyfriend Joyce? Has he treated you unkindly before the surgery ?
Could it be that he feels helpless and does not know how to help you so he yells and practices tough love?
I like Rich's suggestion .. find someone to talk to ..
One more question, I hope you don't mind that I ask this:
While i was in the hospital, i made the decision to tell my hubby of 58 years to get lost. He has diabetes, and according to him has been dying for the last 20 years. Anyhow, when I got home, he went down to our cabin, fell on the first day, so he had to come home. It comes down to this, he cannot live alone, so it is what it is, and i cant change it at the late date.