I have 3 daughters who are 21, 18 and 15. They each have mental health issues but all seem to have anxiety. My middle one has just attempted suicide at the weekend and wants to do it again. I am trying my hardest to help in any way I can but I am struggling massively. I feel pulled in every direction. We are what I would call a ‘normal’ family with mum and dad together, wider close family, working, responsible etc. I keep getting a wave of ‘it has to be your fault’ every couple of hours which seems like common sense to me but I keep pushing it away as I know this helps none of us. I feel ashamed of what I don’t know. I adore each of my daughters more than anything in the world and would do anything to help each of them but I also feel helpless and resentful sometimes. Why me? What have I done to deserve this? I hate the way that sounds but I am being honest.
I don’t know what to do. I am trying to get help but there seems to not be much out there.
From the way you spell mom it sounds like your from the UK. I'm sure of the resources out there but know it's not your fault. There's a website called unsuicide.org I believe. It gives websites where you can chat with online counselors at certain times and maybe they can give you some ideas on how to help them and where to take them for help. You'll see a list of sites for USA UK Canada Australia and countries like that. I knows there's like 8 or 9 for UK because I use that site sometimes when I need to talk although I'm in the US. I hope this helps.
I don't know what to say to make you feel less resentful, I feel so sad for you, hug her, let her cry and explain why she feels like this, suicide is so final, maybe she does really want it to be the end so explain that there is no way back from it, get help which I guess is not easy to find, I myself have major health anxiety and because I didn't want to commit suicide couldn't get help. I too have a teenager who I believe is happy and living life to the full away at Uni, but that may just be a front. So many youngsters nowadays want to give up, they are under so much pressure to get good grades, so they can get a good job and a nice house etc. etc. Don't think it is your fault? you did not do this to them, they are their own people with their own thoughts and ideas.Why do you feel resentful? is it because you see everyone else's children as being perfectly happy, if so don't, I don't think any of us know what goes on peoples minds, at our local school 2 youngsters who both were full of life, clever and popular did the same and actually succeeded , suicide is so final, maybe your daughter just wants help. Hugs to you all
My two daughters have anxiety and depression. If you daughter try to kill herself, you need to hang out with her more. Take her to the movies make her feel calm. I did that with my 16 year-old daughter she try to kill herself a month ago. A lot of people have anxiety and depression it's not your fault.
Thank you for your reply. I do try to do this kind of thing with each of them. Sometimes it’s difficult with working and caring for elderly father and each of them needing so much. Thank you
I think that people are more open and aware of mental health now, maybe people felt the same years ago but just put up with It, also the amount of stress that children go through now scares me, I have a 6 year old who was crying because she can't do joined up writing well, WTF.. she should be busy playing with her toys. The world moves so fast now and Is effecting more and more younger people. Dont blame yourself. Also social media has a lot to answer for too.
Therapy...for all of you!!! I think both Family and individually would help a lot. You said they have anxiety and one just attempted suicide, are they under a psychiatrist or doctors care? Are they on medication? Have you told the doctor about the suicide attempt? I ask because you didn't make it clear in your post. If the answer is no to any of the questions I asked, you need to get them all in to see a specialist and get them into counseling now. I'm not sure what else to tell you as I struggle with my youngest girl, 14 years old, and her "issues" that we still haven't figured out yet. She has never attempted suicide but says things like she wants to die or that I want her to die. It breaks my heart every time she says anything like that. She was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder when she was 6 years old and later given a diagnoses of ADHD. They still won't diagnose her with anything else, they have her labeled as "possible mood disorder", but can't decide what is really going on with her. She has been on and off all kinds of medications for the ADHD and tried different mood stabilizers but nothing has really worked all that well. She is currently only on Adderall XR for the ADHD symptoms, which I'm not even sure is what she is really bothered with. I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic attacks over 20 years ago so that runs in the family for sure. All I can say is hang in there, do everything you can to try and help, and pray!!! Even if you don't believe it can't hurt to put it out there in the universe. Good Luck!!
Please don't think I am being nasty, but we too have problems with demanding and needy elderly parents, but we put our son first, they have had their life and don't care who helps them as long as someone does so we've lots of carers in and out throughout the day, they pay out of their carers allowance and we leave them to it and only deal with major problems. They would drive us up the wall if we let them, so we don't. Our son is only just starting out his life and his needs come first.