first time writing on these forums but it has given me peace of mind reading some so I thought I’d try it.
I’ve been on SSRIs before. I was on Lexapro for 6 months nearly a year ago that worked really well until the end where I felt like it was hindering me from working and made me feel lazy and disinterested in my work. Going off it I was fine and everything was great. I recently graduated college and for the last two months have been basically a high functioning depressive (runs in the family). I was really moody and sad on a family vacation. I had a really bad trip on an edible on the vacation that still scared me a month later. I could do my work and be happy but I get in these slumps of feeling bad for myself and impatient. I got news I’m going to be moving at the end of the summer which added more pressure on the post grad job hunt.
Up until a week ago I was functioning fine didn’t really feel too bad then had a depersonalization episode that lasted about 3-4 days. My anxiety was through the roof just because I’ve never experienced this before. When it passed my anxiety was a lot about my body and stress in my life. I started talking to a therapist through my insurance on one of the apps because no therapist in my city is taking on new clients right now (havent been to therapy in about two months). I was starting to feel better after the week and at the end of the week I went to see my doctor because I thought going back on medicine would help this sudden anxiousness I’m feeling.
Well, I was perscribed to go on Zoloft with the direction to split 50mg tabs for 6 days before bumping up. It’s been three days and I can’t bare it anymore. I tried taking it in the morning and at first I feel fine. Sick to my stomach and then all the sudden I just have a panic attack…the kind I haven’t had in such a long time. I just spiral in my thoughts about literally nothing and panic. I can’t sleep. Even tried taking it at night with food and my brain just won’t shut up that I barely sleep. I have such bad brain fog today. Even things I was looking forward to three days ago it’s like hard for me to feel connected to and spiraling like I’m doubting myself and my choices. I’ve been meditating regularly trying to stay grounded and truly trying to give it a chance but this is just totally awful. I’m worried now that once it leaves my system I won’t be as connected to my life and interests as I was or my anxiety will be worse now. I don’t know what to do. My plan was to not take anything else today and just call on Monday telling my doctor I have to stop. I wish I could see a therapist regularly sooner because I think going back to regular CBT would help but now I worry I’ve just completely hindered all my progress and can’t control my anxiety.
Would appreciate any advice or comfort right now. Wasn’t sure if I needed to ween off a half tab and do a quarter just for a day. Going to try to rest today and keep myself occupied in the meantime and pray all these bad side effects pass and I can be in control again.