Hi guys, as promised here is my update. Today is the first day of week 4 on flu so I'll let you know how the past 3 weeks has been.
Things have been up and down. For the first two weeks I was unbelievably nauseous which was terrible, but that has subsided now and my appetite is back which is a good and a bad thing. I mean it's good that I can eat normally now except now that I have my appetite back it's a lot harder not to binge and purge (you may know I'm taking flu for bulimia as well as depression).
I have purged a couple times this week but I think I'm doing it a bit less, I'm not feeling much better depression wise though. I feel very hopeless, especially about my body, I use to have a great body but now it is fatter than ever due to the eating disorder as my muscle has been wasted by the purging so I think I've ruined my body for life and I'm only 21! So that's really getting to me, still waking up every day fatter than ever so the flu isn't helping that but hopefully it's early days and this will improve.
On the plus side I did actually manage to go to the gym last week which was pretty good, and I had a very productive session which is also very good. It hasn't helped with my body but meh I did it so that's good. Irish dancing goes back tomorrow, I was hoping that the flu would've kicked in by now so I have enough energy to dance but I don't think it will, though like I said my eneergy levels may be slightly better but I don't know. We'll see.
Well done Pippa you are doing great. Try not to best yourself up too much it is early days. I have taken fluoxetine on and off for 22years started when I was about 21. For depression and eating disorder. I have only recently been put onto 40mg for depression which has had me extremely tired too. I have started taking them before bedtime instead of the morning but as you can see from this message I am still awake gggrrrr! The bulimia may stay with you for a while each day is different. Monitor see how many good/bad days you have over the next month and see if by the end you are having more good than bad days. Good luck.
hi, your doing fabulous! your week 3, and getting out and about, thats brilliant, at age 21 you can alter how your body looks, keep going to the gym/dancing, and it will soon change shape. maybe keep a diary, it will help you to look back, and see for yourself the improvement you have made.
the more you help yourself, the more your energy will be, sometimes it was soooo hard for daughter to get out from her snuggle blanket and actually "do" something, but once she had her mood lifted. for us, depression menat, 50% tablets, 50% help yourself. some days she found it hard, but you will get there hunny, keep smiling. xx
Sounds like youre actually doing great, getting out to the gymn n stuff! I couldnt face driving to the gymn at first never mind going in.
Feeling fatter every day, im guessing thats the bulimia talking. Im afraid I know little about it but it seems it comes hand in hand with your career.so sad, I bet you have an amazing figure that most of us would be jealous of! But im guessing its all about self perception? ?
The body is an amazing thing and can change, recover and adapt to all sorts of extreme things so im sure yours will recover in time.
Its early days on the fluox so just take it a step at a time and let yourself recover, be good to yourself. Wishing you all the best.
Thanks, I am still going with the flu, I am quite an impatient person and ust want to get better now but deep down I know that I need to give it time. My psychologist also said it's very early days so to give it some more time and she wants to focus on body image because the body image issues cause the bulimia which causes the depression so that's our plan of attack for the moment. Its nice to hear from someone who is also on flu for an eating disorder coupled with depression, do you think it has helped? Is it still working 22 years later? Most people say it stops working after a while.
Thanks Karen, this message gave me so much hope and put a smile on my face.
Yeah I am trying to get back into exercise and eating properly and taking care of my body rather than trying to change it through purging and doing no exercise because I know that damagess my body and makes the depression worse. So I'm hoping the tablets will give me more energy to do so.
I definitely agree that it is 50% tablets and 50% me, it's so true. I know that no magic pill is going to stop me from purging or make me like my body, I know that I need to put the effort in. I'm hoping that the tablets will give me some breathing space and allow me to concentrate and get out so I can start to work on the bulimia and depression, because I just need that extra push, so hopefully things will work out.
Week 4 this week and I'm going to go to dancing tonight, hopefully I'll have enough energy to dance, if not I'lll participate as much as possible and take mental notes.
I suppose you're right, I am quite an impatient person so I keep hoping I will become better and energetic asap but I know I need more time for it to work. I was very proud of myself for having a good session at the gym as previously if I did make it to the gym I would just tinker around and not really do much.
Yes the feelinf fatter everyday is definitely the bulimia talking, my psychologist has decided that we'll work on body image because it's mainly the cause of all my issues, it's what I fall back on with anxiety which causes the bulimia, which causes the depression, so improving the body image would make a world of difference.
Thanks for the kind words, I really do hope I can recover from this with time and that my body will bounce back.
you sound to be doing so well, but remember, blips are normal, and dont beat yourself up if you have a bad day. saying that, my daughter has done well, no real blips, just normal fed up days, and the side effects can be very weird and wacky if you have them, so dont let them alarm you.
its very strange how the brain thinks, before the depression was picked up, my daughter was convinced she didnt want to carry on seeing her boyfriend of 3 years, she cried & cried 24/7, wondering the best way to break up. she started on the flux tablets, and after a few weeks those thourghts faded away.
it is a long road, somedays are not good, some will make you smile, accept what ever comes along, is the best advice i could give.
Hi Pippa, I'm wondering if you managed to dance? It sounds like you are doing great and only 3 weeks in! You really are doing well!! just imagine how good it can be once the tabs have kicked in fully! It was about 6 weeks for them to work for me though and everyone is different. What dose are you on? It sounds like you are doing all really good things and working with your Psychologist and focussing on the body image sounds good for you. The tablets worked a bit for me, and VERY gradually I started binging and purging less. but I had a lot of relapses and sometimes it got quite good for a week and then back to being really bad for 2 weeks.... then good etc etc. keeping a diary has REALLY helped me, and ive done it off and on for ages, but whenever it got bad again I always stopped and then it just made things worse. Now, when I do it, I am far far better. And I can count the number of purges from the last month on one hand. Its by no means perfect, and I still need to get a balance, but if you're doing all the right things, the tabs can give you a kick in the right direction. Kepp going, do the exercise when you can, it's a natural anti-depressant. But I undertsand the difficulties associated with that for bulimia! I go through my own exercise cycle where Im good at the gym, then far too much gym, then no gym etc etc. But im starting to see a balance and a light at the end! You will do too xx