Dear dear Kristin,
I empathize for you and I am so sorry. Having nausea and vomiting will and does take its toll on someone; then dealing with the cramping and diarrhea pain. Sadly, this is something I am so familiar with and just when I thought my afflictions had finally be resolved: they are back with a vengeance.
If I could try and briefly tell you what has happened to me perhaps this can help your outlook. I was kicked out at age 16 and pregnant. Tenth grade - moved in with the father of my baby, eleventh grade - we married, twelfth grade - worked part time, continued high school (there wasn't any help for teen pregnancy back then), graduated, went home with my baby while my husband and classmates went out like teenagers do.
Year later my second child was born and filed for divorce (his infidelity) when a month before the finalizing my 10 month old baby and 4 yr old were seriously injured in an auto accident with me taking the brunt. After 3 months in the hospital I needed in home nursing care and physical therapy for a good year or better. So, I stopped the divorce needing his help, ext. Then three years later my third and fourth child is now added to the family.
My marriage lasted 16 yrs, (he get's his co-worker pregnant) all the while I suffer with fatigue, aches, nausea, vomiting, abdominal issues, just plain never feeling level headed. My children's father had the good job as I physically struggled to work part time; when he ends up fighting with his new wife, pleads no contest to some trump up charge getting sent to prison for 9 yrs. I still have three children that are under 18 and one in college. Now, I have to child support my children without never to receive child support again.
(Looking back, during those 9 yrs were the toughest days of my life) and (By God, those were the best times I will never ever have again).
See, six yrs ago I was in another accident, surgeries, therapy, adding just more issues to my health, my physical pain, and my finances. All I could think about was how much pain my body was in, how bad my head hurt, and why was I so sickly. Never thinking that my pain could be any harder, I was so wrong.
Kristin: last year, my beautiful daughter (my second child) had taken her life. She was so talented, just absolutely stunning; with three beautiful children of her own. It's hard for me to understand how or why "I was the one to have survived so much challenging trauma when all I did was cry from all my surgical pain". Now, everything "my body / my life" has been through is nothing comparable from this pain I have when my very own daughter took her life. As her siblings and her three children do too.
My daughter truly thought by ending her life - her pain would end. No, her pain has not ended. For me, her pain is now inside of me but growing, becoming stronger, different, emotionally harder, mentally confusing, as it painfully agonizes my every moment. Perhaps through her children or her father and her siblings: her grandparents, cousins, aunt, uncles, her friends, doctors, co-workers. When she took her own life she affected everyone anyone she has ever came in contact with.
My daughter never hurt anyone and certainly she never would of hurt her children, let alone: Me.
There is nothing wrong with taking pain medication when you are suffering in pain. There are also many prescribed nausea medication that should help. Medicine is out there and will help with "quality of life" especially when it has changed. I know it's hard to talk about any type of pain to "doctors" (now a days) and you do not have to do it all alone. There are many qualified advocates that would be honored help you. You can start with family, local church, call Salvation Army, even your insurance company or put an add in something legitimate. If there is a way for myself to help find you an advocate please let me know.
I can give you my email too. Sincerely, Julie