It all started at the end Nov17. Felt very strange over the weekend went to watch my footy team and had quite a few drinks. Woke up next morning with severe anxiety.
Unable to get out of bedroom. Been quite anxious before after drinking a lot but nothing like this. This carried on for a week tried to go to work but had severe panic attack and derealisation. Went to docs and he prescribed me 50mg sertraline, propranolol, and diazepam when and needed. Over the following 2 months i went up to 150mg sertraline this was a very distressing time lost a lot of weight and hardly left the house. On the advise of the psychiatrist he introduced 15 mg of mirtazapine we then slowly upped the mirtazapine and lowered the sertraline 45mg/50mg. Over this period I was feeling slightly better appetite returned and I felt on my way to recovery. At the start of May after being on 45 mirt and 50 sert for a week I dipped really badly and ended up going to a&e because of my suicidal thoughts. I am currently under the home treatment team and they visit every few days. I am 2 weeks into 37.5 venlafaxine and coming off mirt with 100mg sert. Still feeling really bad the anxiety is worse than it was which is causing my depression, very emotional. At the mo I'm just trying to get through each day, I go running and go to CBT but I find the CBT hard when I feel so bad. This time last year I had my own business employing 10 people, going all over the country working now I struggle to leave the bedroom. The only relief seems to come in the evening when I can almost feel normal but it's like ground hog day in the morning. Not sure what has caused this but 2017 was a very stressfull year. Work/ Marriage problems and kids getting in trouble with police. I was feeling less and less able to cope and self medicating with alchohol. Before this really acute time I had GAD for about 10 years. I didn't take any medication and it went up and down over the years i was hiding it from everyone. When it came out about my illness everyone said i was the last person they thought it would happen to but I'm worrier.
Just looking for some words of encouragement or anyone else who is similar and come out the other side because I'm really struggling.
Don't think all the changes in medication is helping, hard to tell if it's changing doses all the time or the illness, it really is a rollercoaster.
Can completely understand where youre coming from. Its been same for me. Was always a worrier but got through life ok. Mornings bad, evenings almost normal. Have cut my social life out. Dont understand how once normal life has turned into this. Theorists say meds responsible but how can we not take them when ill? Hope you can get some relief soon. Worst illness on earth i reckon.
Hi Rawdy,
So sorry to hear you’ve been having a tough time. I too have heard comments of that nature, oh I never thought that would happen to you, you always seem like you have everything together, I never expected this to happen to you etc etc. At first it offended me and really annoyed me! But then someone close to me said, try and look at the positive in what was said. They said that because you ARE a strong person but you’re just going through something at the moment. And I thought to myself, actually, that’s true. I am strong and have to keep going, BUT, I just need to take better care of myself from now on.
You sound like you have been through a lot, but you have been doing great to keep going, so don’t give up. We can do this!
I’ve been on citalopram for almost three months now, my anxiety began back in January and I fell apart mid March, the anxiety got worse and I also developed depression to go along with it. I couldn’t leave the house or be left alone for at least a month as I was such a mess.
Mornings aren’t always the best time for me either, I try really hard to keep busy and ride it out. Eating well, getting to bed early, fresh air, walks/exercise and talking to my friends and family keep me going.
It all takes time, but hang in there and keep taking on here, I’ve spoken to some lovely people on this forum who have given me wonderful advice. Recovery is a process, it will take time, I know it’s frustrating but we just have to keep fighting 💪🏼
He randy... I was exactly like you 10 months ago and it has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride... I too had a terrible time settling into medication, I was in such a bad place with anxiety and depression that I had to have someone with me all the time, I went nowhere... I hidon't away in my home and wished everyday to be rid of this terrible illness. It hit me like a ton of bricks it came out of nowhere. One day I was living life, very happy but very stressful also. The next day I was in the doctors office a crying mess begging for help. I was tried on fluoxotine and that was terrible it made me so I'll, then the tried me on citalipram and that caused hellucinations. Eventually I was put on mirtazapine but that only helped my sleep and appetite did nothing for my depression and anxiety so they added venlafaxine and after a couple months on them both together I started to not wake up full of dread, the depression lifted and it helped somewhat for my Anxiety, I still get anxiety but it's more manageable, I rarely have negative thoughts now. I'm able to go out and do things again, it takes alot of willpower to go out and do things but once I'm out I'm fine. I've come along way but still got a long way to go. What I'm trying to say is it will take a long time and trial and error with Meds but keep at it and better days will come, their is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep fighting. You will get to a point where you are in recovers. I hope you find some peace soon, but trust me when I say I was exactly the same as you but now I can say I'm recovering and you will one day too.
Take care
Leanne
I really feel or you well do e for seeking help.
It seems like medication was offered to you very quickly. I'm quite surprised how many different ones you have tried within s short space of time as usually the advice is to give it time. Do you have family and loved o we support? I know u do CBT have you tried meditation or hypnosis it is my saviour. I listen to guided session each eveni g and when needed.