While most of those who post on this site seem to be young, I am an "old person" who has been suffering from depression, off and on, since I was 19. Over the years, I have not been depressed every minute of every day -- there have been some really good times. Now, however, I am retired (journalist) and have very few friends -- one very close old friend dumped me about a year ago because she couldn't take my moods. We had been friends for 45 years! Right now, I have one very good friend who is very supportive, brings me groceries when I am too low to leave my apartment -- guess I am really lucky to have him.
Meanwhile, I make plans to do various things that I think will help my mood -- go to exercise classes, or go to the community lunch at a neighbourhood house nearby -- but I just can't seem to get myself out of bed and dressed in time. And I think the longer I stay in bed, the worse I feel. I need some motivation!
Hi Elizabeth.
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, it's a horrible place to be. We tend to think that once we get older we'll have everything sorted. But getting older brings its own set of problems in addition to the ones we're already carrying.
What support do you have? Have you spoken to your doctor? If not, maybe it's time to do so...
Hi I am in my 60's and have been depressed since childhood. Like you I have had some good times but am feeling very like you now. I find what helps me is to have a routine. Not a huge amount to do but things I enjoy which motivates me out of bed and outdoors. For years I loved to walk my sisters dog but when she died (the dog not the sister), I had to find other things.
I do have an ok social life and am out twice a week playing darts which I love. I also volunteered at a local charity shop and made new friends. I joined an over 50's group and go there once a week to play cards.
There are lots of groups around. If you are in the UK there is a national group called Meetup. They have age categories so it wouldn't be full of youngsters. There is also U3A (google it). They are national too.
You need to get yourself out and about otherwise it is easy to sink into apathy. I am struggling with this myself at the moment and have started not even getting dressed and out unless I have something specific to do. I am fighting this like you are. There is hope though. x
Dear Elizabeth I too am “old”. I am still working and I am sure that is the only thing that forces me to get out of bed. I really do not want to be part of most things in life There is no joy I sometimes pretend to laugh with people.
Here are some of the things that will occasionally motivate me... but 2 tickets to a concert or football game, force yourself to invite someone then you have to go. Go to the next neighbourhood outing and promise yourself you can miss the next one. Turn on some 70’s classic rock music have a drink that will help you to want to socialize. It doesn’t have to be big start slow. Good luck.
Hi Elizabeth I hear you, getting older isn’t so pleasant I am nearly 63 and am so lonely. I have been married twice and always thought it would be forever. First one died at 29 and next one had mid life at 48 and left!! I agree with you , it’s very hard to get motivated to do anything but if I don’t I feel even worse. Let’s keep in touch and try to encourage each other.
Thanks Gilip. I made a resolution to myself last night that this week I would try to get up by 8:30 each morning and go to a fitness class or some other activity.
So far, so good - I'm up and off to see the person who does my taxes. After that I have two medical appointments. Tomorrow I am going to see a friend for coffee in the morning -- that's as far as I've planned.
I am happy to keep in touch if you are. Perhaps we can motivate each other!
Thanks so much. I live in Canada, but we do have Meetup com, as well as various seniors centres. I just have to get myself up and out and start socialiizing a bit more. Thanks for your support.
Amazing Elizabeth you are already motivating me! Thank you. But fitness class everyday I couldn’t do but do have an electric bike though and so plan to use that every day!!! Where do you live?
Thanks, Lucy. Yes, I have spoke to my doctor, and I have a very good counsellor. Trouble is, I don't want to sit around with a bunch of old people playing Bingo! I know there are places I can go, and I really need to venture out and do things.
Thanks! A couple of years ago, I was in really good shape, but I have let my depression get to me. I can still go out on my bike and ride 35 kms or so, but I used to be able to do 65! Starting tomorrow, May 1, I am promising myself to exercise more regularly and get back into shape.
I live in Vancouver, on the west coast of Canada. The weather here is very much like England, damp and cloudy, although right now we are having some nice days.
What about you?
Hi Elizabeth,
I have been feeling depressed for about a year now and I am scare is something that will never go away.
I feel for you I am probably younger than you but it doesn't seems to be easier or anything. I feel like I am a burden for the people I love. I have lost few friends that also tired of my mood. I can understand that I am sure is not easy for them too.
I have made a list on why do I need to fight this.. Well just today. I am not sure how much this will help. I have no other choice. Either I fight for it or I lose it.
This morning I woke up feeling like nothing like my world just collapsed. I force myself to get out of my bed and do something. This depression has affecting my work and personal life.
I am 32 years old but I don't seems to get things together. All my friends has a stable job and happy with their relationship while I am stuck in my situation having a s**t retail job that make me feel useless and nothing. I have no saving. I am still renting.
This is very stressful the more I think about it the more I am stress. They said just to focus on one thing at the time or take it one day at the time.
Do 'normal' people think like that for their day?
I just want to wish you better. I am glad you have someone who can be there for. I can only say I want to fight this if it's not for it's for them.
Thanks for taking the time to write, Vicky. Truthfully, I don't believe I will ever get over depression -- I just have to learn to live with it. I have good days and bad days.
I went back to school at age 34 and became a journalist -- that really helped me, although now I am retired I do have times when I feel useless. Also, I have no kids or grandchildren, which for a lot of women my age are a source of pleasure.
I have had many years of therapy, and I do know it's good to have someone to talk to -- can you get some kind of referral from your GP? Even a weekly group, where people basically sit around and moan, can be a help! Please keep in touch and if there's anything I can do, let me know -- although I do live in Canada, it's so easy to communicate now with email. Take good care -- you will be in my thoughts.
Hi there. Are you getting out on your bike? Sure hope things are looking brighter for you. I find I have inexplicable moods some days when I just feel sad. Nothing to do but sit with the feeling.
After a very wet spring, we are having some sunshine, and that really helps.
Warm thoughts,
e
You are not alone, Elizabeth. I'm 63 and have battled Depression since I was a young teen ager. I've been truly suicidal 5-6 times in my life and only made it through the grace of God. I have been on Paxil since I was about 40 and it helped me a great deal. Usually 20 mg a day does the trick, but when I'm going through a bad period I sometimes 'up' it to 40 mg. Almost no side effects.
I'm going through a tough period right now because my Mom and brother both passed away last year only a few days apart (Mom had a stroke, bro had a brain tumor) and I'm locked in a ridiculous estate battle with an estranged sister. I've really been down lately so I upped my daily medicine to 40 mg/day. It's helped.
No, you are not alone. We are legion, for we are many.
Phil my heart goes out to you at the loss of your mum and brother, so sad and painful is grief. But the only way past grief is to walk through it!! So good that you posted on this forum. Though it’s a difficult time it so helps to know that you are not alone!!! There are many of us going through depression. I hope and pray that our battles will be small an we can be victorious x x
Thanks for your response. And my condolences regarding your mom and brother -- that is really hard.
I am feeling suicidal today, but I won't do anything about it. A friend is coming over later.
I have been on Paxil (40 mg) for more than 30 years and it doesn't do a thing. Also I had a series of 8 shock treatments.
My big problem is that I'm so alone -- no siblings, my parents gone, no children or grandchildren. Also I am retired and my mood is too up and down for me to be a good volunteer.
I feel as though I am just using up oxygen someone else could use.
Please take good care of yourself.
Best,
e
Thanks gilip, that means a lot to me. All of us posting in this forum have our own issues to deal with, I'm certainly not exceptional in that. Just wanted to share my experiences to let others know they are not alone-we're all battling that common enemy, anxiety/depression. Many people struggle every day to lead a normal life when they don't feel up to it physically because of anxiety/lack of sleep/depression/whatever. We should issue awards for everyone who gets up everyday and makes a go of it. That takes a lot of guts, a REAL lot of guts!
I hope some light shines on your life, Elizabeth. Remember, there is nobody else in the world just like you-we are all special in our own way. Life is worth living, but we who suffer from mental illness (that is what Chronic Depression is, afterall) have a hard time recognizing that. Our eyes can often only see the dark side, not the bright side of things. It seems like things will never change, but they can.
We have lots of company battling Depression, millions of folks around the world are doing the same-living day by day and wondering when things will change for the better.
You take good care of yourself as well and maintain your hope that things will get better. Don't know if you're religious or not, but I tend to believe God has a reason for all of us to be here. It's hard to see that most of the time, but there it is. All my love.
What a caring soul you are Phil I see it in your reply to Elizabeth. It certainly helps me to have a faith in God otherwise what’s it all about!!!! But sometimes even that doesn’t seem enough when you look around and see the disasters etc!! I have always been an optimist full of joy so this is a huge change for me to have these negative thoughts and feelings !!! But does help to know I am not odd or alone there are many others in the same boat!!!! Love and blessings