So on week 7 of tablets... and had 4 days of being an wreck. The weekend marked the passing of my gran 10 years ago still miss her dearly and feel that have let her down as before she passed i assured her i would look after everyone for her.
Think i am over doing work too, but if i'm not at work my mind just goes in loops and i'm either upset, angry or on complete edge. I missed my drs appointment this morning and now cant get to see anyone and run out of meds in 5 days so am anxious about that too. This is the first year i have complety had no interest in christmas at all, and scared too much has happened this year and struggling and feel detached from friends and family especially.
I really feel for you, I have been on these tablets for month's now, and still get side effects, I truly wish I had not ever gone on them, it takes quite a while for them to get into you system,head zaps, lights in eyes, sick feelings, breathlessness, breathing problems, itchy skin, and a feeling your never get any better, at one time I felt so ill I was actually sleeping outside in me car, as I could not breath, I have got past that now thank goodness, and slowly trying to wean myself off them, but it is as bad as going on them. People do not understand what it's like, but I can completely understand how you feel, myself I would tell you to try and stop them slowly before you get addicted to them, I was on 40mg I am now on 15mg and it has been hell, I don't want to frighten you, it's how I feel on them, and I would not wish it on anyone. Take care xx
Clare I would say you have come a long way and 7 - 8 weeks is when I felt better, your grans annivesary is bound to cause you pain so the 4 days were natural anxiety, stop worrying about everyone else, your Gran wouldnt want you to make yourself ill worrying about everyone whom should be taking care of themselves anyway, persevere you will get there its the best thing I ever did, back feeling normal now, is it Citalopram your on and what mg I would advise you have come this far dont stop now, maybe a visit to your GP as an emergency will help and get you your meds too, see the reception at the GPs as they wont leave you without a supply as you need to continue this medication for it to work, I had to get my doctor to call me back for the same reason last week, totally forgot to re order.
Take care and you will get back to normal, remember most symptoms are the anxiety and they will pass once the meds have adjusted to your body,
Kind regards,
Anne 
Hi Clare
Its normal to get blips along the way on this medication - it's exactly how it works. 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. You might feel the medication isn't working when you get blips, but having these proves that it is working. Keep moving forwards, accept the blips as part of recovery, and you'll find they get less as time goes by.
You've probably also reacted to overworking and the anniversary of your grans passing, and it only natural to feel upset at this time. We always beat ourselves up when were not feeling ourselves, and I'm sure you're doing your best at looking after everyone in the circumstances you're in at the moment. I bet your gran would be proud of you.
Feeling detached is a side effect of the medication, but it will wear off.
Citralopram is NOT addictive, I can assure you. You can take them for life if needed. If you had diabetes or epilepsy you'd need to take medication, and so it's the same for depressive illness. Yes we all get unpleasant, scary side effects, but these wear off in time. It's all about getting the doseage right for you. Some high doses don't suit some people - the usual dose is 20mg.
I know exactly what you're feeling, I've been through it myself. I recovered on 20mg - but it takes a long time, and much patience is needed. All too often people give up too early - you won't get better overnight. It's a rough journey, but if you continue and work through all the ups and downs, you'll come out the other side. Promise.
Christmas might feel strange this year, but try and remember you're recovering, and you will pass through this difficult stage.
Take care
K xx