I've been seeing this guy for a few months now (We met at university) and I know that's not a long time but since the last month we've got a little bit more serious and I've never seen him bad before as it's just never occured where his depression has hit him apart from the past 2 days where he's got it bad! He's upset and shocked that its came back so randomly as things we're really looking up for him in the road to recovery! I just really don't know what to say or do to try and make him a little happier! We're really close and I HATE not being able to help him or anyone for that matter so not being able to do anything is killing me! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
Hi Matthew.....The best thing you can do is simply be there for him.....It is very hard as we all at times wish we could "fix" a person....Sadly it can't be done and in some instances we want to "fix" that person because what we really can't bear is that feeling it brings up in ourselves of helplessness!....Just allow him to offload in the ways he needs to...Whether that's through talking,crying,long silences even..He may even need space to be alone.Remember that his behavior is not directed at you.Has he talked openly about his depression and do you know if he is currently taking any medication?Remember" being there" is the best you can do....He will appreciate it.Don't feel tempted to fire any questions at him re his depression.Hope this may help x
I've been trying to get chance to meet so we can talk or do whatever he needs to feel better but we haven't had time to get together yet and I really dont know what he wants/needs to do! We've never discussed it in depth before like about medication or anything all hes told me is what he's been like before, I've never wanted to ask because it's a bit personal and not really any of my business really so I've always waited for him to feel comfortable enough to talk about it which hasnt happened yet! He has asked me before if his meds are in his pocket which they were so I may presume he could be on some medication? For all I know it could of just been paracetemol! And yeah I'm trying to be there for him as much as I can I just don't know how to respond to the things he says sometimes! I really don't want to make anything worse for him! But you've been a great help, thank you! X
Sounds as though you're doing great and that you're doing all the right things x
That means a lot, thank you! X
Tell him he can tell you anything and be prepared to listen. Being depressed is being in a very dark place. Hold his hand whilst he is talking to you or give him a hug. Whatever you do, don't tell him to pull himself together.
It's really important to let him know you are there for him without applying any pressure. Tell him he can talk about anything at all or just sit quietly, even alone if thats what he needs. There were times I needed my partner to hug and talk to me and times when I absolutely needed to be alone, take his lead. Just assure him you will be there when he needs you and try to reassure him that it won't affect your relationship either way, when you feel in that dark place it is good to have someone strong and dependable who is unfazed by your strong dark emotions, if you can be that person he will thank you for it.