A little set back

Mental health
1

Hi everyone I hope you are all well.

I've been doing much better of recent and am slowly pulling myself out of the hole my anxiety had thrown me in.

My woozyness is improving (and now I am able to go out or go shopping - this really triggered it - and sometimes it is not present at all.)

Even my eyes are better and today I even had a small alcoholic drink which I really enjoy having (I've not been drinking since Feb.)

I am slowly getting past my brain tumour fear and with my therapist the changes in me are quite dramatic. I feel more hopeful for my future.

Today I have been a little more anxious and a little more aware of a few symptoms but I try and hold them back by not giving into them and not allowing myself to focus or chase them. I usually find they then slowly disappear

I had to go out shopping this evening for a few odds and ends. I had a fun time and didn't feel overly anxious. I have a few worried in the back of my mind and I do feel still a bit on edge but not more manageable.

When I was packing I felt the buzzing sensation that I experienced in the summer and when I was very, very anxious. It feels like a vibration or fizzing sensation.

It was at the base of my neck and the bottom back of my head.

It lasted for a few seconds and went. I'm trying now not to give into this and google it again.

My therapist had old me about buzzing sensations in the head (and else where in the body,) and says that these are quite common anxiety symptoms. This one scares me...

When I think back I have had them occasionally for years. This year they have been more frequent as my anxiety just sky rocketed.

I suppose I'm here for reassurance. I have my last check up appointment with my doctor next week so I can always bring it up (I have told my GP of this before but they said it was anxiety.)

As I say, I'm not bad but my anxiety is still present. So I was not without anxiety completely. It's just more manageable.

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Hey silly mop. I have been following your journey and you are doing so well. You should be proud of you self.

This illness we have takes time and like us all, we want a magic wand to fix us quick.

Take each day at a time and listen to your body.

You are going shopping and getting out which is great.

I still have to venture to our local shopping centre which I am determined to do on my own. I go local and drive but going out my zone freaks me out as I just want home.

Well done you and each day at a time. X

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And stay away from Google. . Its our demon x

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Thank you for your kind response.

I wonder if this is the same for you? But as I get better I begin to see glimmers of my old self and old routines. We go back to things we used to enjoy and our life starts to open up slowly, like the petals of a flower as we emerge from our anxiety.

I think such a bad belt of anxiety can almost be a form of hibernation but without the restful aspect. It feels like falling into some heavy sleep, or at least some bleak abyss. It can take a while until we wake up.

I don't want this to set me back. You are right, right, right. Dr Google is no friend of ours. It frightened me but it doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong and can be completely attributed to anxiety. Perhaps I even pulled my neck in a funny way. The buzzing/vibration was at the top part of my neck and then felt like it went into the back f my head but j was bent forward at the time. I remember feeling it in my neck and thinking "oh no, is it going to go to my head?" And of course - it did.

I've felt this before and at different places around my head. Previously I've only had it in my forehead until this year.

Leaving your comfort zone is scary and frustrating. Shopping outside of it can be very anxiety provoking. For a start everything is unfamiliar. I always have a panick over where I will park and so I leave far too early for fear of not giving myself enough time. Then nothing is open when I arrive and in waiting around feeling silly.

You aren't alone in how it makes you feel...keep pushing through I think you too are doing so well and also should be proud of yourself!

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Hello SillyMop. I'm glad to hear that you've been doing better. I was thinking of you just the other day. 

What you're feeling right now is, as you know in your "logical" mind, just a product of anxiety. To be clear, the physical sensations are almost certainly real. It's likely that you have a little pinched nerve in your neck, or are having a mild tension headache, or even that you're having some lower back strain. Believe it or not, what happens in the lower back can radiate throughout the body. And so yes, the buzzing feeling is real, but everyone experiences these feelings. This is where anxiety comes in. Your anxious mind notices these sensations and then you realize:

Huh...I've been having a good couple of days. In fact, I've been feeling more like myself lately. Certainly I'm overdue for something bad to happen? And maybe this is it? Maybe this is the beginning of another bout of intense worry? Or, even worse, maybe this time is the real deal - that something terrible is brewing inside me? 

As you know, friend, these thoughts can become full out anxiety. And since you, like me, have some OCD, these thoughts can eventually become obsessive. And once you enter those downward thought spirals...well, you know from experience how hard it is to get relief from that. 

What you're doing with therapy and reaching out to Forum members is so great. I've seen others here that have learned how to avoid Body Scanning, which is what we do when we focus on every little sensation. It's so hard some days and I've never been able to completely kick that habit. Just the other day I noticed some chest pressure and slowly began to flip out. My heart anxiety is almost nil compared to others, but I worked myself into a mild frenzy before I noticed I was also burping quite a lot. And then it dawned on me: I had chest pressure because of some indigestion from eating before bed. Pretty silly, right? 

The other side of this has less to do with Body Scanning and more to do with obsessive and mystical thinking. Once my mind gets hooked on something, it stays hooked for a long time. And the reality is I spend almost my entire day completely alone. I don't have friends or a partner, so it's just me and my books. This gives my silly brain the freedom to harp on every little thing. It's like being in an empty room: you hear every noise no matter how small. I'm sure you experience this too, to some extent. Once your mind finds something to worry about, the downward spiral begins. And then there's the mystical part. I've noticed this more recently in myself. I have these weird feelings and ideas, such that I'll convince myself that forces of some kind are working for or against me. Sometimes I'll flip a coin to settle a decision (e.g., to go out or sleep in) and I'll be convinced the outcome is significant rather than by chance. Or if I look at my watch and see a specific time multiple days in a row, I'll grow convinced it means something sinister. 

All of this - the obsession and the unconventional fears - also feed anxiety. Since you've mentioned OCD in the past, SillyMop, I'm reviewing all of this because I think you may relate to it. And because I want to offer reassurance. It's helpful for you to know that others experience this stuff -- that you're not alone, that you're not weak, and that you're not crazy. Remember: highs and lows are the name of the game. Right now you're in a little-bitty valley, but you'll return to the mountaintop again soon. Just be patient with yourself. 

Much love to you XXX

-N

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Hi SILLymop, You are doing really really well.. I also managed to go shopping yesterday, but my friend had to take me and I had to lean on her enormously as I was feeling really wobbly again.

That's a huge improvement if you can go by yourself!

How did you get over your Brain Tumour fear can I ask, as I'm having my Head CT Scan on Wed's and the whole thing is consuming with the worst anxiety & fear I have ever experienced.

I am currently off work due to this.

As for your symptoms, i don't get the buzzing sensation in my neck but I do in my ears and head, it's the feeling wobbly I can't cope with, like I want to pass out xx

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I so agree with Jay, was just reading your previous forums from months ago and wow! You really have improved massively...

What I learned over the past 6 weeks since experiencing the worst health anxiety ever is that every day is different, we never know how we are going to be from one day to the next and on a good day if we do succeed and venture out, a simple routine like going shopping we are going to feel like it was a massive achievement... like climbing a mountain..

And listen to your body, it's ok to feel tired and weak it's your body getting back to normal xx

A medic at the hospital last week (where I had to go for a medical emergency, another panic attack)

She told me this "even when you do have your CT Scan next week & everything is ok, your anxiety symptoms will not likely disappear for a while as can take a while as something something ab how anxiety can affect us ... xxxx

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I love your input, Nick because you are always so right.

Yes, this: "I have been havin a good couple of days. Now I can't blame anxiety for this?" - so very right and actually was what sparked my anxiety when it happened. It was my immediate thought. You are also right when you note OCD involvement. My thoughts become obsessive, then obtrusive...and then I am lost. I can't let that happen again.

Body scanning is a great word for it. I need to avoid this. Last night a spot came up behind my ear and I kept touching it...then I began linking it to tumours. I told myself to stop, to leave it alone. I did this during the summer as well.

I began to think of why I am doing this - I lost a parent to cancer this year.

That is why. I sort of apologised to myself for all of this and said "it's okay." And I cried a little..and I think I cried for them.

I keep on pushing forward. I'm tempted to cancel my doctors appointment this week and just see how I do.

That is HUGE for me

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Hello. Sorry my reply is so late. How are you keeping?

I'm having a panic day today 😣 I have had a not bad week considering I managed to pick up a bug from my kids. But today wow.. I have the whole circle, dizziness, tight throat and jaw, can't think straight or focus.

I am telling myself that after lunch I can lie on my coach and have a rest for an hour.. that gives me something to look forward to. I know it sounds silly but when you have young kids and live a bust life, it's the small things.

Xxxx

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I am also trying to control my anxiety. I have been off this forum since middle of October because every anxiety symptom I have been feeling since December disappeared. No dizziness, no head pressure, no chest pain or tightness in chest. Why? I found out on Oct 13th that my husband was going to have rotator cuff surgery. As soon as the words came out of his mouth that he wanted the surgery all my anxiety was gone because I knew I was going to have to take over the driving and that he was going to need taking care of. He had surgery on Oct. 25th and I was like a brand new old me. It felt so good. I had to wash and dry him, dress him and drive him. In the beginning of December he was able to start doing thins on his own a nod voila my anxiety is back. Chest pain, shortness of breath and weird feeling in head. Now I think I have blood clot in my brain. All I am saying is anxiety is real and it sucks. How it disappeared for 6 weeks is beyond me but I want to feel like that again. I feel like I am back to square one that started last December.  Thanks for listening