Today was not a good day. Today was the official first day back for teachers. We had meetings and I becamse extremely anxious. I was almost going to crawl out of my skin. It was loud and way overstimulating. I thought I was going to lose it. But I didn't.
My heart was racing, almost pounding out of my head. Swallowing hard, looking for a way to escape. But I sat there. ANxious and all.
We eventually had to leave site to attend another meeting at another school with way more people - I was a wreck. Luckily my teaching partner was there and she is aware of my anxiety. Maybe it helped a little. We had to lsiten to a speaker. The lights were low and I tried to focus on the speaker and not my anxiety. I almost wanted to fall asleep.
Went to lunch and then hard another meeting. I felt ok then. Went back to the classroom and became overwhelmed the all the work that I have to do and what needs to be done. I felt like a lost puppy today and it felt horrible.
I'm just afraid that I'm going to lose it. I try to remain positive but sometimes the anxiety wins.
I woke up with my heart racing wanting to look at the clock. But I refused. I wasn't going to get out of bed until my timer went off. That was difficult.
I'm just feeling really low right now. I know I made it through the day but it was horrible.
I have an appointment for "talk therapy" tomorrow and I will take to the psychologist tomorrow. The breathing exercises really didn't help me today.
Please, please tell me that everything will be ok. Please, please tell me that I am strong enough to endure this. I so need reassurance right now.
Next week I see my nurse practitioner and hopefully she can adjust my meds. I feel lost and hopeless right now. I want to roll up into a ball and hide. But I won't.
I just feel exhausted.