Hi Lesley, old story I'm afraid. Gp's taking the course of least resistant. They are only human and like the rest of us have different personalities and good and bad days.
As you have had this problem for such a long time I really don't see the problem in you having further tests.
Yes necks do make the odd cracking sound but if that odd sound becomes regular it needs investigating.You have enough difficult and frankly at times disabling symptoms to warrent a more thorough check over.
Your father-in-law is absolutely right, any kind of numbness/pins and needles on a regular or permanant basis does usually get you reffered to a specialist. This is because it usually means some kind of nerve problem and can become a serious or chronic over time. I speak from real experience.
Sadly even if you are diagnosed as having cervical spinal problems the true facts are that help is limited.The medications can take your brain away, the surgeries tend to be only for the very serious and can actually make you worse. We all tend to settle for a medication regime that is far from ideal and learn to live with our pain and limitations.
My daughter-in-law has also developed shoulder problems, since she had her children. The carrying of heavy babies etc; have given her awful pain and weakness in her neck, shoulders and wrists over the last three years. She was also a very serious swimmer for about 15 years. I believe that this has also led to her problem now that she is nearly 40.
After three years of anti-inflammatories and co-codamol, she has insisted that her gp refer her to a specialist and finally got the process started. Her gp actually said she was probably right... after three years of asking nicely.
Have a look at some of the spinal forums, Spine Health is one, Well Being another. There is also The Pain Support forum that is worth a look at. If you do a little research you will be able to see if other people that have been diagnosed with spinal probelms fit your symptoms. Education is everything. There are other posts on her about Spinal Stenosis/Spodylosis and similar, have a look at them.
It could also turn out to be Fibromyalgia, again have a peek at a forum and see what you think.
I also think you don't need to go with stringy hair... even though I understand why you did that. You need to write it all down as it is when you have a very bad day, how it affects you, what activity starts off a bad few hours/days.. The docs can usually tell if you are in pain in front of them, they know what to look for. Posture, that pain filled look in your eye for instance. Do not carry a heavy bag in with you.
A pain doctor from a Pain Clinic will recognise immediately what you are saying, you could ask to be referred to one. They are to be honest a bit of a washout but do diagnose and offer some services.
Hope you can get to the bottom of this before it becomes a chronic problem.
You have to be pro-active as no one will knock on your door and help you. Best wishes, Fanny Jane.