Advice for anxiety/depression

[nh_user_382909]

Hi guys

Ive never done this before, so this is all new to me!!

Anxiety has never been too far away from me. Neither has mental health. With a family who have mental health issues ive battled and battled ignoring the fact that ive had depression for a while. When i was 15, after a horrible time at secondary school and being beaten up on a daily basis, i was diagnosed with depression. I went to therapy sessions and counselling and just said to my mum that i was better. She was dealing with alot - my younger brother has social and emotional problems, was born deaf and had problems with his throat. I felt like another problem, and just wanted to make it easier for my mum. 

I moved away, and came to university. My brother seemed to worsen with brain issues and illnesses, and had to have several operations. I met my current boyfriend who is amazing. We were together for about 5 months, agreed it would be just sex at the start, but we ended up falling in love. Yay! Unformatunately, he was moving to Australia to go travelling. So he left, and it felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me and i was so alone. It was at a time when my brother was on life support, and had been comatised for a couple of months with not much hope of him surviving. It put pressure on my parents marriage and left me making all the decisions with the doctors as to whether we should turn the machines off. My brother has survived. 

Essentially, i was put through so much stress, dealing with uni, marital breakups, mum wanting to blame me for everything, depression and a boyfriend the other side of the world. It was hard. I didnt really see it, but my depression got worse, and worse. I went back to uni to complete my final year - and had to stop. I couldnt face it. I was then diagnosed with insomnia, and just couldnt ever sleep. I was having these weird attacks up on campus - which i now know are panic attacks, and i just couldnt hack life. I became very suicidial. The only thing i felt i could control was my eating, so i resorted to binging and purging (again) and became obsessive with excersize. I lost a load of weight, in an unhealthy way, but my confidence grew because of it. Due to the amount of stress on my body, i then became intollerant to alcohol, caffeine, gluten and dairy. This is fine at home, but has put a huge downer on going out, eating out. Its SO DIFFICULT!!!

Anyways, my boyfriend came back from Aus, and we are living together which is great!! However, my depressions still bad. Im no longer suicidal but i am SO anxious. I get scared when im alone - rediculously scared. Hes meant to be going away for a couple of nights form tomorrow for a wedding - and i dont know what to do. Im having daily panic attacks - and to have a panic attack alone is just unbearable. None of my friends are around because theyve all gone back home as its summer. 

I feel like im runing my boyfriends life. I get so scared when he wants to go out - WHICH i know he should be able to doo!! Thats the crazy thing about it. But i just shake and cant breath when im alone. Please help me. 

Im meant to be completing uni starting in september too, and thats bringing back so many dark memories. I just dont know what to do.

I take fluoxtine and olanzapine glenmark for the depression and anxiety. But i really need some support. 

Any advice??

[nh_user_380537]

First of all, thank you very much for sharing everything, Faye. I certainly appreciate giving the opportunity to read it. I do, however, have a few questions.

Are you receiving any therapy at this moment in time?

When it comes to your anxiety over your boyfriend leaving to go out, what is the real core of the problem? Do you worry about his faithfulness? Do you worry about the prospect of being left alone?

What hobbies and interests do you have that you actively pursue?

What is your current relationship like with your family?

In childhood, did you ever experience any trauma apart from being assaulted at school? Could you explain the environment that lead up to that attack? Do you fear the same happening again? Why were you bullied in the past and what evidence is there to suggest something similar is likely to occur now?

[nh_user_382149]

Hi Faye.  It's good that you recognise your symptoms and it's great that you've got some medication but I think it's important that you get the help of a therapist.  You need somone other than your boyfriend to help you work through your issues.  Although he will want to help as much as he can, he hasn't got the qualifications and experience to really help you get through this.

Although you have been through more things than me, I was beaten up at school and I have recently been through EMDR therapy which really helped me as it stopped me feeling trapped and helped with my mistrust of people.  It would help you work through your dark memories and minimise them.

Don't forget that, although they seem a bit corny, the Samaritans are only on the end of the phone and are there if you need to be in contact with someone when you are alone.  They can be called on 08457 90 90 90.  My brother has called them a few times after the death of his wife just to talk to someone who can help him through that particular moment.  That may also make you feel better that there is someone there, on the end of the phone, at any time of day or night, if you need them.

And don't forget that we are here too, so you can always come on here and let us know how you are feeling.

[nh_user_380537]

"it's great that you've got some medication but I think it's important that you get the help of a therapist"

The concept of taking medication should never be praised; therapy, however, should.

[nh_user_382909]

Thank you. Ive never heard of EMDR therapy before - ill check that out. Ive only ever been told to go to CBT. 

The Samartitans are also another great shout.

Thank you!