Advice please on how to support my Mum going for Hip Op aged 81

Bones, joints and muscles
1

Hi Hippies

My Mum is aged 81 and going for her hip op having waited for over 10 months on the UK waiting list.

As a family we’re wondering what support we need to put in place to help her through this operation.

She’s very nervous, not got a support network in place of people who’ve been through the same, is wanting us to support her throughout the process but we don’t know at this point what we can do to help her.

We’re all working as we have mortgages to pay and so trying to understand what time off we need to to arrange work wise to support her. And obviously what physical, practical and emotional sides we need to help with to ensure she has a successful outcome.

Can I ask you guys to offer us advice based on your own experience?

What support would you say is what you needed at the time that wasn’t covered by the standard training session of “this is what will happen to you”. That standard seminar didn’t seem to cover anything more than the immediate surgery and what to expect in hospital.

She’s ground floor flat, which has pull cords to alert if needed in an emergency. But she’s so independent, she doesn’t think that level of help will be required.

She’s confused about how she will wash etc. She has a shower, but it has steps up to get in it. But my understanding is that for the first 3 weeks, you aren’t able to have a shower and must to a strip wash?

We’ve got a seat so she can sit at the sink and do a strip wash comfortably and we’ve tested it out with her.

She’s worried about sleeping in her bed which is a single bed. She chose that deliberately so that she sleeps on her back - but struggles to remain on her back even with a pillow between her legs.

We are going to draw up a schedule to help her but we can’t be there 24/7.

I’ve got her clothes that are easy to wear - jogging trousers, baggy tops. This is a woman who normally wears skirts and tights - but she says she’s okay to wear such clothes “in house”. We’ve done a test run so she knows what to expect.

Food etc we’ve sorted out with Wiltshire Farm Foods which she’s been using for a few months now.

But it’s hard if you don’t really want to eat I’m guessing after a major op and perhaps we need to do a bit more?

Mum is saying that other people she knows go in to convalence homes after their hip ops because they don’t have family to care for them and she wants to do that.

All of the care homes I’ve contacted have said they won’t take Mum unless she’s part of the social service assessment after her op. Is there anything we can do in advance?

Thank you so much for reading this and any answers you give.

xxx

2

i had a new hip at 76 my son stayed with me for a week to help after that i was on my own getting around on crutches or walking stick. If mum is independent now she will be again walking and exercise is important but she will need someone to walk with her fortunately i have lovely friends who took it in turn to walk daily with me for ten minutes and gradually building it up till i was walking for thirty minutes. ready meals are good and easy. she will probably find sleeping difficult for a while but after 4/6 weeks she will be back to doing everything without to much of a problem is not been ten months for me and is the best thing I ever did pain free and enjoying a life again. i would just say be prepared for bad bruising all down the leg scared me silly my leg was black and blue took about two months to fade. Hope it all goes well for her.

3

hi I’m 62 live alone in the uk and am a retired nurse . the hospital wont discharge her till she is safe especially when they know she lives alone. I had my OP 4 weeks ago today and after abt 10 days once the dressing was off I got in my shower the main instruction re that was not to shower directly the wound because of the water pressure and the damage it could do. make sure they show her how to step into and out of the shower so she knows how to do it. I’d already put everything I need at touching height without bending so although the house looks a tip in places I’ve got bags of clothes etc within touching distance. we were advised to use a microwave for cooking and not an oven to prevent bending. but they do show you how to bend to get stuff out the fridge etc. although shes independent tbh I think probably a week where you take care of her is a gd idea but she needs to be relatively mobile at home as well to aid her recovery. I’ve got 3 grabbers in different rooms and they’re invaluable for getting dressed etc. I’m wearing mainly dresses and skirts and tops as there easy to wear and def no tights but it’s fairly warm atm so not an issue. she may need help to get in and out of bed for the first week but that varies so much from person to person. once shes had the op a lot find it’s easier to sleep on your back than it was pre OP.
I didn’t get any bruising. my hospital are using something called a pico dressing which works by negative pressure to stop bleeding and prevent bacteria entering the wound - it’s a dressing connected to a little pump which turns itself off after 7 days. my practice nurse removed it . I’m not sure if many hospitals are using it tho but it was brilliant .
anyway good luck to your mum and to you all. let us know how she gets on

4

I am 76 and had a hip replacement last december. I am lucky enough to have a dutiful wife who looked after me throughout - and I have to say that for me everything worked out just fine. A few helpful pointers maybe. A good adjustable chair so that your mum can sit comfortably without exceeding the 90 degrees. Fortunately I had an office chair so absolutely everything could be adjusted to suit. For the first week or so mum will find it difficult to swing her operated leg up onto the bed, and then down again, and people have suggested using a belt as a lifting sling. Sleeping on her back will become easier as time goes by ( But she might snore more than usual ). You will need a raised toilet seat, again to avoid the 90 degrees, and for me the hospital provided this and two sticks free of charge. As to the operation itself - you go to sleep, wake up, your done. The first day after the operation is a bit of an inconvenience as you have a lot of wires and tubes, but once these are removed recovery is quick. Within a few hours your mum will join the others shuffling up and down the corridor with their zimmer frame, then the two sticks - and then probably just two days post op she will be on her way home. Lots of snacks, fresh batteries in the TV remote, fruit juice to hand, the mobile phone charged up, and everything is set. Probably within two or three weeks she will be as lively as ever and wondering why she had been so nervous. I wish her a comfortable and speedy recovery. Which hospital will she be in ??

5

I had my 20 year. old hip revised and nanaged on my own quite well . I was 77 years old but very. active and fit. I was back to my normal very actjve life within a couple of months. BTW I bought a cheap but strong plastic bag like product that allowed me to take prolonged hot showers which was bliss! That bag thing is still in good condition and cost under a tenner I think. Good luck with tour mum. Cheers Richard

6

I am much younger than your mother and had my sister stay with me for a while, twenty four hours. My surgeon was quite concerned that I was living alone so was very pleased my sister was stepping in to help. Your mother will need crutches so she won’t easily be able carry things even a cup of tea. She could get a trolley. Microwavable meals are easiest as she will be told not to bend more than 90 degrees, which means you can’t pick things up off the floor for a while. I had a bag thing I could carry bits and bobs round in, as the others said grabbers are one of the most important things. I was given a piece of material tied in a loop by the hospital lift my operated leg in and out of bed, some people use a dressing gown chord or similar. I was allowed to shower even when I was in hospital. I had a wet room at home which was fantastic. I did buy an icer from Amazon for the wound but never actually used it. I had elastic wasted skirts to wear which worked very well, some people suggest those Turkish trousers as they are easy to put on without bending. I had everything at waist height so I did not need to bend. She will be tired after the op as it is pretty major, so she will need to rest and probably will find looking after herself quite tiring at the beginning.

A convalescent home is ideal for a week or two. Perhaps you could check with social services about it. Planning beforehand is a definite must. Although it would be wonderful your mother will not be able to just carry on as before for a while. A lot of people find they are quite tearful after the op, luckily I wasn’t. I did have a lot of friends visiting though and making me cups of tea and bringing round fancy biscuits.

Good luck to your mother, I hope it all goes well.

7

hi, I went through this with my mum last summer. She was 82 at the time. I went ans stayed with her for the first 2 weeks , she had a walking frame with a tray but found it a struggle in the first few days. She also struggled to get out of her chair. She doesn’t have carers so I felt better myself for just staying with her. She managed to sleep on her back (also single bed) using a pillow to elevate her leg to stop swelling. she is normally a side sleeper but she said it was comfier on her back for first few weeks. My mum just wore skirts and a top (no tights) but it was a lot warmer last year. Her wound was stapled and had a dressing on for 10 days. When staples were removed the wound was dry and clean, no infection so she was able to go in the shower. up till then she had strip washed. mum used to sit with my foot spar bowl to soak her feet. After 2 weeks she had already started getting breakfast for herself and she had always independently washed and dressed so i was able to go home. I made sure she had meals that could be warmed up and i just went to see her everyday. I found it best to have a full 24 hr support plan in place and was then after the op you can see exactly what is needed. everybody reacts differently so all you can do is help as much as you can. sending you very best wishes and I hope your mum recovers well x

8

Hi,
I just like to say that your mum is very lucky to have you all.
I think its great that you try to get all these information before your mum goes into the hospital.
I am 60 and had my hip replacement in Nov 18.
i had to have a strip wash for a while as I only got a bath.
But I am sure after about 2 weeks your mum would be able to have a shower if anyone in your family has a walk in shower.
To get the Wiltshire meals is a great idea too.
Maybe get your mum a V-cushion and that might helps her to stay on her back in bed.

Also, while she is in Hospital someone from the Occupational Health will come and talk to her about how she lives and what things may needs to be changed.
They arranged to have handle bars installed all the way up my stairs as I didn’t have any and also arranged a perching chair to be delivered to my house.
As I live on my own I also had someone from Age UK coming once a week for 1 hour for 6 weeks to help me with shopping, cleaning etc. (they do not do personal care).
That helped a lot.
Getting dressed is a challenge.
At the beginning I was not able to put the surgical stocking on or take them off and were not able to wash my feet either. She deffinately would need help with that and also with the socks afterwards.
It would also be very useful to get her a grabber, so that she can pick stuff up of the floor.

it also is a good Idea to have a chair where she can sit in the day time with a table beside it where she can put a phone and other important things she needs, can put on.

I am sure your mum will be fine as it sounds like she has a very caring, helpful and supportive family.

Make sure that your mum has a mobile phone which she can have on her all the time, just in case she needs help and can call someone.

I had my OP in Milton Keynes and they informed me of all help I was able to get.

So good luck to your mum for the OP and I hope all goes well.
Petra

9

Already, you have lots of good advice; all of us experience recovery a little differently but for most it’s great comfort to know that as the weeks progress we become pain free from ‘bad’ hip and discomfort from operation lessens steadily. While I’m some years younger, I’m 6 weeks post rthr and found/find the following indispensable; long handled shoe horn and slip-on shoes or runners/shoes with elasticated laces, a couple of ‘grabbers’ (one in the kitchen and one in the bedroom), cross body handbag (light - mine’s like reinforced nylon) which is easily accessible while on crutches and good for carrying stuff. In the shower - whenever your mum’s able to use it- I’m using a shower stool, long handled brush for cleaning feet and always have 2 bars of soap to hand as it’s murphy’s law that you’ll drop one!. I had to wear elasticated thigh high stockings for some time (standard practice where I had it done in Dublin) and needed help putting stocking on operated leg daily initially - your mum may not be required to wear them.
Likely your mum won’t be discharged until she can walk with aids and able to carry out basic living activities. Medics will give advice on what to do at home.

10

I might suggest another grabber in the bathroom for all those things that end up round your ankles.

11

Hi Haj5,

When she goes to joint school they will give you all the info you need and loan equipment to help with recovery. I had a shower the day after hip op in the hospital, they put a waterproof plaster over the clips/glue, therefore washing is not a problem, as long as there is a chair in the shower or hand rails, she will be unsteady and not able to twist around, hubby helped me.

Eating is not a problem as long as the drugs given do not cause sickness, that is the only thing that made eating difficult.

Good luck to your mom I am sure it will go well.

12

Hi. It seems you have received quite a few responses since I read your request earliar. I had 3 screws put into my hip after I had a fall 3 months ago. I live alone and the hospital would not send me home without any support. Occupational therapy arranged for a walking frame and a commode chair for the toilet. Hospital welfare organised home help @ 2 hrs a day twice a week. I had a top and tail wash in the kitchen set up,with toothbrush etc. I slept downstairs on the three seater lounge chair, but I had to make it higher so I placed a folded up blanket under the cushions. Although I had a downstairs toilet in the laundry I found it easier in the first couple of weeks to use a bucket. Doesn’t sound good,but it sure helps having toilet accidents at four in the morning. Ha Ha. I hope your mum has some nice neighbours who she trusts enough to come over and keep her company and make her a cup of tea. Thats what I needed the most was some one to talk too, I could go on facebook and comment about everything, but I needed face to face contact. The first few weeks I found were quite depressing for me. Anyway,it sounds like she has family who can visit so thats very important. I couldnt get upstairs to sleep for at least four weeks ,but it was heaven to finally be able to stretch out on a queen size bed without the fear of falling off the edge of the lounge.!!! And this morning I finally had a shower while standing up without any support,instead of sitting on the edge of the bath. I wish your mother all the best for her operation and her recovery. Send her my regards from Sydney Australia.

13

Hi Dawron
Just got in from work.
Thank you so much for your reply and for sharing your person experience. Getting someone to walk with her each day is something I would not have thought of so thank you for sharing. Being black and blue is great to know so that I can warn her in advance so it’s not so scary for her.
I’m so pleased to hear it’s gone well for you and I’ll be sharing your encouraging post with Mum when I see her tomorrow. She doesn’t do “computer stuff” sadly but I’ll be passing on all the messages to her so she knows that there are others out there who’ve gone through the same and come out the other side.
Thank you so much for your advice.
xxx

14

Hi Julie1717
Thank you so much for your detailed reply. I’ve been lurking on the Hippie forum for awhile now and knew that you guys are a supportive and knowledgeable crowd, and I’m so grateful you’ve taken the time to reply with so much information based on your own experience. Every tip you’ve given me is now on my list! What is really interesting is what you shared about pico dressing but also about how she should shower. I’ve made sure she’s got grabbers in every room and she’s now got in the habit of using them rather than bending down although she sometimes cheats. Thanks for the tip on the fridge! She’s got one where the main body of the fridge is at the top and the 3 freezer drawers at the bottom but as she’s using Wiltshire Farm Foods, I need to work with her tomorrow to see how much bending over is involved which she and I have taken forgranted.
Your info on clothes to wear is great to have as that’s something that Mum’s unsure of at the moment, she just doesn’t know what she’ll be able to wear. Your info I will share with her - and we will be doing a bit of girlie shopping together over the next few days.
Thank you again and I hope all goes well for your continued recovery.
xxxx

15

Hi John49662
You made me laugh! Mum doesn’t do “computers” but I’ll be sharing your comments with her and hopefully when she becomes one of those “shuffling up and down the corridor” with her zimmer frame, she’ll laugh too.
Thank you for the tips - now listed amongst the many I’m finding from you guys on the Hippie Forum that are fantastically useful and stuff I hadn’t thought of!!
The chair is a great tip - we’ve got one from occupational health that’s she is using for practice runs, but I’ll double check it is 90 degrees, as it’s adjustable. Your tip about getting in to bed is really great - I’ll check that out too! Raised toilet seat - important - I’ll double check but in anticipation of this op, when we did her flat we put in a “high” toilet seat with grab rails both sides.
Thank you for info re the wires and tubes. I’ll be able to prepare her in advance for that which will be good so there are no scary surprises when it happens to her.
I’ll sort out the snacks!
Thank you!
xxx

16

Hi RichardKen
Wow! 20 year-old hip revision! That’s amazing. I’ll be sharing your post with Mum and I know she’ll focus on you suggesting she’ll be back to normal live within a couple of months. That really will help her realise that whatever she goes through immediately post-op - it’s only temporary. I’ll be definitely investigating the plastic bag like product you mentioned. Sounds exactly what I need to get for her going forward. Love that it’s under a tenner.
Thank you so much for sharing!
xxx

17

Hi ptolemy
Thank you so much for your reply and sharing your experience. Along with all your other tips, your suggestion for her to have a bag with her bits in that she needs sounds great. I’ll sort that out. It’s interesting that you’ve also mentioned something already experienced by another Hippie with problems for your operating leg, getting in and out of bed but were given a solution with a bit of material/cord - I’ll put that on my list of definite things to sort out in advance!! Also good to understand how tired she will be after the op! I guess it may be obvious, but knowing that in advance will help her understand in advance and me to be prepared!
Thank you.
xxx

18

Hi MrsHoppy
Thanks for sharing from a daughter caring for her mother perspective. That’s important for me to understand what I need to do, and time I need to take off from work, although the Hippies here have given me so much info too about what I can do and put in place so that she can do things for herself and also advanced knowledge about what she’ll be experiencing.
She does have a frame with a tray on top but I can’t see how one can use it easily if you have a cup of tea you’re trying to transport to your living room with a piece of cake to sit in front of the TV.
Thank you for sharing about clothes - that is something worrying Mum at the moment although it may seem trivial and I’ll sort that out.
Having a 24 hour care plan in place I agree is important so I’ll work to sort that out so that I stay over with her for the first few weeks. These days, it should be possible for me to work anywhere - so hopefully I can set-up things with work to work from hers although she has no broadband.
Thank you so much for sharing.
xxxx

19

Hello Petra
Thank you for your reply and for all that you have shared! I’ll definitely be looking at the v-cushion. You’ve also mentioned about getting the surgical stockings on and off. That’s a worry for Mum and for me. So thanks for sharing your experience. And, yes, will take on board having a table right next to the chair that Occupational Health have supplied, with all that she needs. Like all of the suggestions that all you fabulous Hippies have suggested - they seem simple - but I had not thought of them in advance - so having your knowledge will mean I can put things in place for Mum in advance to make all this a much easier experience to go through.
A big THANK YOU!
xxx

20

Hi Joan 23196
Yes you’re right - I’ve been so lucky that the Hippies on this forum have given me fantastic advice!
And your advice is invaluable because you’ve confirmed that I’ve put in place stuff that is useful to Mum in advance. Shoe horns - you’re the first to mention but yes, got that covered and also Mum has shoes with velcro fastenings that she’s got used to over the last few months in preparation.
However, we’re struggling! Perhaps you can help us?
After the op she won’t be able to bend down to put the velcro tab across to secure her shoes.
And because she’s in so much pain with her hip, shes struggles at the moment because she can’t lift her foot up to secure the velcro.
She’s tried with the grabbers - which she’s now getting to be an expert in and is becoming second nature although she sometimes cheats - but securing her shoes in place is a real problem that both of us are struggling to find a solution for.
It sounds such a simple thing - but it’s frustrating Mum and me so much because she wants to be able to do it herself so she can get out and walk by herself but is failing at the first hurdle to get her shoes done up so she can get outside on her own.
Love the long handled brush for her feet in the shower - yes I’ll get that sorted and murphy’s law for soap in the shower.
Love to you for sharing and hope it’s all well for your recovery.
xxx