You have my full sympathy. I know what that dreadful feeling of waiting for the doctor to refuse you any more of the tablets you need to function is like. I have 3 children, and, I suspect, like yourself, was determined that they wouldn't be my 'carers', but have a normal life. I came off DHC last February due to my doctor refusing to prescribe any more for me, cue nearly 1 year of hell. The withdrawals weren't at all bad, mainly spasms in the legs and various cramps, but then I was being used, I felt, like a human guinea pig, as I was the only patient that doctor had with Fibromyalgia Syndrome. I was in constant agony and, apart from appointments with this doctor, spent most of my time in bed with the curtains drawn, trying to escape the pain through sleep, very depressed. He tried Tramadol, then Tramacet among other things, because he didn't want me 'addicted' to my meds. Bear in mind that I don't drink alcohol and during this time gave up a 50 a day cigarette habit, and I would say that I don't have a particularly addictive personality. He finally ended up giving me Butrans patches (slow release), and saying that he couldn't do any more, that I had 'chronic pain' which was most likely psychosomatic and referred me to the pain clinic at the hospital who couldn't understand why he'd taken me off a painkiller that worked as well as DHC in the 1st place!!!! That is when I blew my stack and changed doctors. I was prescribed DHC again on 24th December last year by a wonderful doc who realised that, yes, I would get addicted to these, but I have to take them for the rest of my life as they are the only painkiller that work for me. I'm sensible with them and don't up the dose as they do what they are supposed to. Apparently, I have been told that there is more risk of addiction when the meds aren't used for pain relief, but for recreational purposes, which isn't the case for folk like you and I. Don't let your doctor dictate your meds completely. They don't always know what is best and should be, in part, guided by you. They also aren't mind readers, so you need to make your needs and wants known, too. You really need these meds and if need be, you may have to change doctors. That doesn't necessarily mean changing practices. I simply changed to another one within the same practice who listened to me and what I needed. I'm now on a 'raft' of meds that work very well for me. DHC, of course, 8x30mg a day, Baclofen (for muscle spasms), Celecoxib (anti inflammatory which doesn't irritate the stomach lining), Diazepam (5mg daily, again only for muscle spasms) an antihistamine to combat the itching that any opiate causes, Lansoprazole to protect my stomach anyway, Migard for the migraines I suffer with, too, and stemetil for any nausea caused by the other stuff. I also take one of the older anti-depressants called Imipramine for its mild sedative effects. If I take them 3 hours before sleep time, I can get a good nights sleep without feeling like I've run a marathon in my sleep. Another good tip for muscle cramps in the legs is tonic water. The quinine in it really helps to ease them. I also take massive amounts of vitamins (RDA, apart from Vit C which you can't have too much of!) and fish oils. If the pain is unbearable, I have 10mg tablets of Sevredol (morphine sulphate), but they actually scare the hell out of me, so are very rarely used. No, I don't feel like a zombie on these meds, and, even though nothing will give me a pain-free life, this way I do have a good quality of life where I control my pain, not the other way around.
I hope you get the help you need, and will be thinking of you, I promise. You need to be able to go to your doctor and work together with him/her to find the best treatment for you, not be frightened that the only relief you have from pain is going to be taken away from you? You also need to ask about maybe getting help with day to day care from your local Social care services? That's if you need it. You ma