I came out as being gay in High school. I was treated like I had the plague. Kids attacked me physically at least 3 days a week and called me insanely horrible names, and someone even stole my journal out of my back pack, then photocopied close to a hundred copies of personal issues and then threw them in the air in a packed common area, where we were all eating lunch, and so everyone read all my personal fears. and all the personal thoughts that I couldn't tell other people. I was terrified. I had a student try to shoot me across the street from my school because he said queers weren't welcome in this town I had grown up in.
I finally had to drop out of school due to the real possibility of someone severely hurting or killing me.
I thought after I dropped out I would be ok, but within a week of leaving school I was brutally attacked and beaten to the point of being in a coma and i think the people responsible were tryin to kill me and when they left they must have thought I would just lay there and die- but thankfully someone found me and called the paramedics.
I slipped into a deep depression after I woke up in the ICU at the hospital and each day I was laying in that hospital bed I went deeper and deeper into a depressive state I couldn't pull out of. After finanlly being released I had lost the will to live and very publically I attempted suicide so that those who wanted me dead could see that I was takening care of what they f*cked up, ending my life. I barely survived. I didn't care though, I wanted to finally be free from all the harrassment, hate, fear, and a feeling of being completely worthless and not meant to be alive anymore.
I was thrown out of my parents house and forced at 15 to live in a tent in the woods next to the toxic paper mill in my home town.
I got caught up in the methamphetamine scene and was on it for 10+ yrs, but luckily I finally got my crap together and quit that poisen. I finally got to a point where I wanted to live again. However the intense fear/anxiety/panic and agoraphobia as well as PTSD has never subsided. I deal with it daily everytime I leave my apt. I have tried therapy, and am on valium and a handful of other medications, which help with my Bipolar but not very much with my anxiety, agoraphobia and PTSD.
Does anyone have any suggestions that they think would help me at least partially relieve my anxiety and irrational fear of people, places crowdes and stores,ect... (agoraphobia)????