Me and boyfriend have been in a nice loving relationship. But i cant shake the fear of him cheating on me. He's only cheated on someone once after being intoxicated and he hasn't really touched alcohol since especially in large crowds and when hes not with his small group of close friends he doesn't even consider it. I'm close somewhat to his friends and they tell me all the time that he's head over heels for me and I know if he cheated on me one of them would have the heart to tell me but you never know sometimes. He's a great guy and seems to care about me a lot. We've only been in one major argument and it ended in him on his knees crying in my lap and shortly after that fight I got a promise ring and after that i don't know why I still question it. We are fairly young and in high school and despite that we seem to have a very close relationship and an honest one and for his age is very mature. He's very sensitive and if he cheated on me I don't believe he could handle it. We are very happy and very comfortable with each other and have been for a long time. But the fear always lingers because my anxiety sucks and i just have issues with me and my self image causing me to have these distorted views of myself and him and believing he'd leave me for someone prettier, and because of this he's always trying to make me feel good about myself and I've suffered with eating disorders growing up and since being with him I've put on a bit of weight because he's never really cared about any of that and he's been pushing that on me since the beginning because of how shallow his friends can be when it comes to girls. SO yeah being a bit bigger gives me another set of insecurities, somewhere behind the self-image issues , depression and anxiety disorder I know I'm being stupid I have his instagram logged into my phone and I have his snapchat password, I also have his pass code and he has mine so its not like he hides anything. if I asked for his phone he'd show no hesitation in giving it to me either. He's been pretty perfect and has been open with all of his information with his phone and his past and all of the above we've had our arguments based on the issues faced before we got together because in the 'talking phase' he had unresolved issues with his cheating ex and he gave her another chance which obviously didn't work and a month ago he gave me his journal from when he was with her and when he was at rock bottom in his life and i found out he cheated on a girl a year or two earlier and found a page where he beats himself up over it and when i told him he told me how much he wished he never drank that night. And there was an incident with some female who also has a boyfriend who is constantly trying to interfere with our relationship but shes calmed down and moved on. Those are the only issues we've had so far. all of them not being too recent and there's just not much reason for me to not trust him with the way he treats me and I freak out so much over it , it doesn't get brought up because when i do it makes him feel he isn't doing enough for me and it isn't the case. UGH I hate it why am i like this
If you don't confront it and deal with it head on it will take hold of the relationship