I have suicidal thoughts every day, real vivid ones, I know where, when, how etc. sometimes I cry and I'm not sure why and when i start it can be hours till I've stopped completely, I don't mean all out bawling btw, just teary really, but that's the bad days most the time I feel fairly content, I can laugh and joke and go out with friends. I think I've lost my purpose in life I feel like I don't know why I'm here or what I'm meant to do but I don't feel what I imagine depression to feel like.
Throughout this though the good and bad I think of suicide every day like I said but every thought ends with me being found in time, ends with me being saved.
Do you think I need help and if so where do you go and what do you say? I'm not good at expressing myself or talking to people, none of friends or family know I feel this way. Is this normal ?
Do I just need to man up and get on with life?
Sounds like depression to me you need to get a doc appointment. There is no need to be afraid or embarrest as doctors see people with this condition many times every day. When you are feeling like this you have to get help you can't go it alone. Also there are many helplines on the Internet for people with depression so that's another option you could try
Hey,
My ex girlfriend suffered from depression. Before she was on medication she was incredibly hit or miss ( in a massive high or massive low ) this was triggered by a termination she decided to have years ago.
Has this been triggered by something? It's always good to see your GP even to ask for speech therapy ( therapy through talking ) I'm not a great fan of phsychotics personally. I don't want to scare you but it sounds a little like depression. Speak to people, excercise, get a pet are all good ways to excercise your mind.
Long periods of feeling down could make it worse, parts of your brain that deal with emotion and social encounters start to function less. This is what happened to my ex. Hope this helps! 
Regards
Hi
I have felt just like you and I was diagnosed with depression. It isnt normal to be thinking about taking your own life and getting into detail about how when and where. I am being treated for depression now and after a long time of thinking about taking my own life, nearly every day, which became a coping mechanism for me, I think. Now I never ever think of suicide and I feel normal and happy. It is actually a symptom of the illness called depression, and you can get better.
Hugs xxx