An important lesson learned

Brain and nerves
1

I hurt a friend's feelings today because I was too weak willed to say 'no' when he asked me to take him to the hospital. I had already had a busy day and was not fit to do this but I did anyway. Because I did he naturally assumed that I would do the same tomorrow for his repeat visit and I have had to let him down, sending an e mail to try and explain about my physical limits that I cannot offer him this sort of support just because his family will not do it. I can't be that sort of friend to him.

He was very understanding but I still feel I have let him down.

The moral of this is to stop being a people pleaser and to be honest. I am not going to find that easy at all.

2

Yes, this is a really difficult one, Alicia.

It's very hard to say 'no' sometimes but then we have to protect our own interests (or health, in this case), sometimes.

My neighbour, who I have mentioned before, is incapacitated at the moment. She requires regular hospital visits which has meant her husband has had to take a great deal of time off work recently.

As all I seem to be doing these days is pottering around the house, I really feel guilty that I have not offered to take her. But I just feel that in my present state it would be too risky to have the responsility of looking after someone else, plus I am not really confident driving any distance these days.

I have explained this to her, and I am sure she understands, but I still feel guilty and useless

3

Hi Girls

We all feel the same dont we? Wanting to help others at the expense of our own health. :oops:

I think people with ME are all quite similar personality wise :wink: Most of us are in caring professions, once upon a time responsible and organised, reasonably intelligent :oops: once had endless energy :whistle: but for some reason (which would appear to relate to a stressful episode) have developed ME.

Because we are the sort of person who others relied on, it is so hard now to say No and for others to accept us saying No :evil:

Has any one else noticed the similarities in us all? :roll:

And we all still have our sense of humour intact (most of the time) :D

Dale xxx

4

Yes, Dale I would agree that we certainly do have similar personalities - we are all caring, conscientious (?spelling) intelligent, high achieving individuals with perhaps a hint of perfectionism - and an absolutely fantastic sense of humour (the latter is definitely a requirement of the illness to enable us to remain sane). :ok:

We were discussing this at my ME meeting this morning (we have now formed our own group and meet weekly) and we are all without exception, perfectionists (or at least were ) Interesting, isn't it? :?

5

Hi Alicia

After reading you post i thought an email i received this morning was very apt ( it's quite long so hope you don't mind )

words of wisdom...

An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town.

The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people

Who remarked it was a shame the old man

Was walking and the boy was riding.

The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,

So they changed positions.

Then, later, they passed some people who remarked,

'What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.'

So they then decided they'd both walk!

Soon they passed some more people who thought

They were stupid to walk when they had a

Decent donkey to ride.

So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people

Who shamed them by saying how awful to

Put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man figured they were probably right,

So they decide to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge,

They lost their grip on the animal

And he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone,

You might as well...

Kiss your ass goodbye!

Have A Nice Day And

Be Careful With Your Donkey :D :D :D

6

I've seen that one before :D but that's me, trying to please everyone at the expense of myself.

My friend is disabled which makes me feel even worse at saying 'no'. And then I get so cross because his mother lives close by and will not give up her time to help him. However my husband pointed out that maybe she had to do this to preserve her own health and sanity because I am beginning to see that he can be quite demanding and draining.

There needs to be boundaries and ground rules for us both if our friendship is to survive. Saying this, I am one of those pathetic people who need to be needed to justify myself.

I am my own worst enemy.

7

Hi Alicia

I'm all talk as i would probably be the same ! :D

It's sad that we are in a situation that because our illness is not recognised we feel the need to always justify ourselves .

As your O/H said it sounds as if your friends mum has the right idea

Hopefully your friend will recognise that sometimes they are asking too much of you .

Lian

8

Hi All

Thats one of the biggest and hardest things ive had to change about myself since having M.E, Learning to say NO to ppl, i do feel guilty, specially and most ppl allways relyed on me, but unfortunatly its one of them things i/we've gotta stick to regardless

9

That is brilliant Lian, how long did it take you to type?! :shock:

Sums up a lot :wink:

Dale xxx

10

I am new to this site, and am intrigued by some of the comments. I have two boys 22 and 18. We have always been "best pals" but they are finding it more difficult to cope with my ME than me!!. I dont think they want to believe that there best pal cant play anymore. This is so hard to swallow.

11

Hey dont worry we have lots of postings/discussions about how others cope with our ME.

Donna x

p.s It has just escaped me which postings they! SORRY :?

12

Hi Radarman

I'm Teedie and i have the same problem as you, I have an 18yr old daughter who thinks there is nothing wrong with me and says i should be at work.

She thinks i should still be able to be her taxi driver and run after her at her beck and call :roll:

Alicia has a good leaflet about ME so maybe you could PM her and she will e-mail it to you.

Welcome to the forum, we need more males to balance things up

Hope you find lots of support on here, we're a good bunch I think :wink:

Teedie

xxx