How is it when we finally are wise, funny, and confident, we are no longer considered "desirable" A cruel irony...
maybe because we are also older wrinklier and saggier 
Being female is not easy in todays society where appearance is everything.
I agree, but we certainly don’t help ourselves in that matter. I am all for looking your best, but some women take it too far. I know women who won’t leave the house without a full face of makeup, fake nails, fake lashes, fake tan, dyed hair, designer shoes/bags, etc.. You know why men wear t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers? It’s because they don’t put pressure on each other. I stopped dyeing my hair two years ago. Do you know how many men made comments about it…zero. You know how many women made comments…all of of them. I heard all sorts of stuff…“You are too young to go grey!” “Do you want to look old?” “I would never do what you are doing.” I could go on and on.
From many aspects , the societies of west modern world are superficial and give emphasis on a fake appearance more than ever.
Though, I am trying to take care myself even though I have no real interest about it anymore most of the time.
I do it only for myself not for the others.
I want to be clean and prim as respect to myself, watch my diet and not get stressed easily. Inside me I feel depressed and maybe everything seems pointless but I am trying to push myself and not abandoning me.
I have never worn fake nails, eyelashes, fake tan and too much make up in my life.
I also choose my clothes to be casual and simple in order to feel comfortable.
The only reason I dye my hair to my physical color is because I have noticed some white hair and this makes me sad, to be honest. And I was wondering about that if it is due to vitamin deficiencies and not an aging process…? I am experiencing many digestive problems and I believe that my body cannot absorb well all the nutrients
About others women’s criticism, you know it is one of our characteristics of our genre. it is annoying but in some cases may be well intentioned.
Evi,
I know that they say stress does not cause grey hair, I think thats untrue. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer three years ago, it was a very stressful time. My hair fell out in clumps, I lost my voice for four months, everything I ate made me feel sick, and I suddenly had grey hair in abundance. I think anytime there is an imbalance, things start falling apart. I wouldn’t doubt that vitamin deficiencies play some sort of role in hair health. I have been a strict vegetarian for nearly 30 years. My hair is always dry and brittle no matter how many deep condition treatments I do. For sure, it has something to do with B12 and omega3 vitamins!
Undoubtedly, a period of traumatic stress is among the causes of graying.
I am sorry for your mother. Only in the idea of thinking that my mother is going to die or suffering from a fatal illness I am scared to death. I completely understand your fears.
Maybe, in my case, it is a combination of nutrients malabsorption and peri traumatic stress.
I watch my diet trying to eat plenty of vegetables, fruits and fish with omega3 but I firmly believe that my estrogen deficiency has affected my metabolism inhibiting the normal function of my digestive tract and the absorption of necessary nutrients.
I am experiencing often diarreah and I have noticed indigested food in my stools.
Relating to the criticism of other women about hair color, I know how you may feel because others tend to say the same thing to my mother all the time. " you seem young on your face, you should dye your hair"
Ageism is widespread and women are the real victims as usually.
We are still desirable even with menopause. Its about hormones and how hormones influence our moods and attitudes. I have men after me. I am 59. Not always the men I want. But inside I am crumbling from anxiety. Worried sick about what these lack of hormones are doing to my body. Killing me. I eat right , take loads of vitamins. I feel like I am in a battle for my life.
Sorry little me but you made me Lol on that one. 
Sometimes you have to laugh. I spent all day yesterday crying.
I can relate.. ive never been much of crier but these past few years ive never cried as much in my entire life. You just feel like an extreme version of yourself.. like you’ve only got one nerve left and everyone takes turns jumping up and down on it 
We will get through this… as hard as it is and come out of it much better people in the end x
My dad’s wife won’t come out of her bedroom in the morning without full eye makeup. She is also is the same person who last time I visited told me exactly where I needed to lose weight, adding the helpful comment, “I’ve worn the same size since I was 18” What a child.
I find myself writing long rants and grievances toward everyone. I am always pissed off, and wake up that way…it also is interfering with my relationships with loved ones, because it’s almost like I’m waking up and declaring my own needs after 50 years of repressing them.
Yes, I can relate, at times I have felt like I’m dying at 51.
For me, the men I don’t want don’t count in this overall feeling of undesirability.
I think when you will go gray is largely genetic. I know stress doesn’t help.
Laura, the only thing I disagree with is the wise, funny and confident part!
Maybe we’ve seen more things, but no one seems to want our experiences. And possibly I’ve gotten to the point where I think “You shouldn’t say that. Oh what the hell, let’s throw it out there and see what happens.” LOL
Funny? I used to find everything funny, but menopause seems to have zapped that too.
Confident? I was more confident when I my younger system was up and running.
Desirable? That’s assuming that we even want someone to desire us at this point! (Hmmm, not so much.)
I remember thinking years ago, when my kids grew up, I’d have all the time in the world for things I enjoyed doing. Now, I could care less about most of them. Age certainly brings it’s challenges. I wish someone had warned me. LOL
Gailannie, I feel the same. I thank God when I awake each morning, but it’s a struggle. I just want my joy back. Nothing is funny, food tastes like cardboard( I’ve lost 20 pounds). I’m on leave from work because of stress/depression/burnout. I’ve been off since November 28 and I’m scheduled to return Jan 2, 2019. Do I feel ready to return? No I don’t.
What gets me is what menopause does to the brain. So many women suffer from depression, anxiety, health anxiety, brain fog, etc.
I think it’s untrue too. I worked at a job in the 90’s and it was so stressful I started getting gray around my temples at 37. I left that job for a less stressful one that I enjoyed and the gray hair went away.
You hit the nail on the head! I’m also concerned about what the lack of hormones are doing to my body. I also feel like I’m in a battle not just for my life but for my sanity too.
brain fog…insomnia…I failed out of my last semester at school…yes, I am in school, even at this ripe old age…I feel like maybe im not up to it…did great in the beginning… we are not too old…
I know - I’ve been empty-nesting for six years, but can’t seem to afford (or want to do) the life I "aspire’ too. It’s a unhappy in between time.
No you’re not too old! I admire you going to school. When my oldest sister retired at 60, she went back to school at 66 to get her associate’s degree in business.
The emotional issues have been the worse for me this year and the acne.