Hiya I'm doing exceptionally well with my ocd, at the moment. And enjoying life. I'm not really worried but wanted to check to be sure. I have been with my girlfriend for fourth months. We started having sex and was using a condom although I can't say for certain whether vagina fluids came into contact with my penis etc or vice versa but for penetration we always used a condom.
Then she got tested few weeks ago and was all clear, so we started unprotected sex. I guess my ocd flared up a bit as I suddenly thought what if her body fought off some stds just as she did the test but long enough to pass them onto me. Although I guess I was as safe as possible but I guess it's possible but unlikely right.
You are almost certainly worrying needlessly. The scenario that you describe is pretty unlikely! If your girlfriend had any disease that could transfer to you then as you have been together four four months it would have shown in that time.
Most/many people in long term relationships have "unprotected" sex although I hope that there is contraception in place! Otherwise babies tend to arrive.
I think as archemedes suggests you could take a test if really worried thaough I wonder what your girlfriend will think. Do please discuss your worries with her.
Second what the last two said. Due to us women having internal sex organs, we are more susceptible to infection and require treatments w medication for infections that arw not sexually related, but rather just our Ph Balance being thrown off. There are no STDs that a female can rid on her own w out medication. You are needlessly worrying.
Ok thanks guys, I think it's probably best that I let this go as yet again my ocd would cause more checking if you know what I mean, as in I would let it get better of me again.
Out if interest do you think that people without ocd have this thought but let it go straight away yet I dwell on it. Because obviously the worst is quite bad so do they accept the uncertainty. I know these are deep questions sorry
An just to clarify I had tested negative for all just before we got together. She hadn't had sex for about 2 years and probably did warrant a test hence. I just assumed if she was clear then I Ofcourse would didn't think that there were any infections that the body could fight off without treatment, hence it would be picked up in her test
I have ocd tendencies w certain things. I went through a phase for years of paranoia of STDs... I would check myself relentlessly down there. I would go get DTD checks every 6 no the when I wasn't even sexually active for the last yr .. I think it gets better w age at tines, as I learned there is so much I cannot control. When life happened to me and a lot back to back some years ago, it taught me I can't co from things. OCd is all about making you feel like you are the driver in the car that's driving you down their curvy road called life.. You are very much your own driver in life, as in destinations you choose to reach, but you are the passenger to the events that may unfold when taking that journey. That is why you need to learn to get comfortable w. OCD is equivalent to someone stopping and checking their tires all the time to make sure they're not going to go flat, but eventually you run over a nail. Regardless how cautious you are, you can't stop every little mishap from happening. When you learn to accept this and accept that if things don't go your way, that you will come out fine; the meds you'll find yourself obsessing about things. The biggest thing is having trust and faith in yourself and that you'll be fine at the end of the day, no matter what. Good luck!
Thank you very much I think they are some wise words that I really need to accept. Good analogy with the car. And I think what I do is I have a thought/ obsession and spiral into depression and such strong anxiety. I guess that's because I'm trying so hard to control my thoughts. Has this happened to you before. I drain my body of all hope and life and feel dreadful at times, kick started by these obsessions/ fears that are unlikely to happen. Then I start to feel better for while like overcone it then same happens again with something else. Can you relate. Thank you words are very inspiring!!
I'm going to make the assumption you are very young... W age comes experience and some wisome hopefully. I am 33, but I have been through a lot in life and I understand very well what you describe. I still have y days that I struggle w it and I still feel hopeless. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't struggle w something, but you tend to get desensitized to things over time. I think the most important piece of this is, that you recognize it and I swear, that is more than half the battle. Now it comes down to identofying it when happening in the moment and learning to soothe talk yourself out of it. I have a very dear friend I call when I go down this spiral and have an anxiety attack and she knows to explain that I'm just having an episode, that every thing feels out of control, but it is noy and as soon as I cry it out and calm down,.. I usually feel better in an hr and recognize how irrational I was being.
In situations such as obsessing about your gf possibly giving you something, you are projecting what's inside of YOU, on to her. It really isn't about her or anyone else, but you must be very careful w doing this I cannot tell you how many relationships and friendships I've ruined being a high strung person. You have got to learn to get it under control and learn some coping mechanisms. I think that therapy is your beat avenue.
Um yes I guess I'm young I'm 22, I haven't projected any bad feeling onto my girlfriend but my family and her know I get down so am just trying to let this go as like you said the chances are very low and I can never control everything so I will try let this go
I am on a waiting list for cbt but I think the waiting list is quite long. My do feel I know coping mechanisms yet I still get these breakdowns if anxiety and yes like you say I calm down say after few days and the hopeless does fade yet is very strong at the time. Thanks for your comments; appreciate it
Thanks for your feedback appreciate it. Hope your doing well. I'm just concerned if I do test my ocd will just keep moving on to something else. I suppose ultimately there is a chance tryst she could have had chylamidia an gave it to me then fought it off prior tests as it's unlikely chylamidia stays present for over 2 years so it's possible. Is this my ocd do I need to let it go or is this a worry , cheers for feedback
There is not doubt that OCD is a nuisance as takes a concern then multiplies it by 10000, and before you turn round it's already armageddon.
I think the best way to handle it is by what I call the 1 to 10 scale.
When something starts to worry you just ask yourself on a scale on 1 to 10 (one being the least, and 10 the most) how much does it worry you.
If the answer comes out as between a 7 and 10, then do something about it. The nearer to 1 it is the more you should ask youself if it is just something you are imagining and should I just be put to one side.
In this case where you are clearly very worried about catching an std, why not just go for a checkup, and then you can just rest easy?
Thank you for your comments and I really like your strategy I'm definetely gonna try that.
She's the only person I've been with so she would probably be a bit confused as to why I would be getting tested. She would be understanding and ok with it but think it's a bit weird, especially as I said I would keep usin condoms before she is tested. I think she would think I have real problems if you know what I mean. I would rate it less than a 7 maybe a 5.
What they mean when they say it can hide for years on end is, a person can be asymptomatic. They could possibly not experience any symptoms, however it WILL show up on a test if she got testes and you said she had a clean bill of health. Yiu have got to stop it. You are trying to look in every knook and cranny of a situation to find a holes in this scenario, because you only feel at ease, w full proof, 100% assurance. That is where yiu have to learn to get comfortable w a lil uncertainty, a s it's not going anywhere in all aspects of life .
