Answering questions in a group: Any tips?

Mental health
1

Hi all,

I've always been quite introverted and at school I would never put up my hand to answer a question.

However since starting work 6 years ago this has become more of a social anxiety issue.

I have quite a specific problem in that when I'm in a group (most often at work) and we go around the table to give an update or someone specifically asks me a question, I just freak out. This applies to relaxed work lunches when someone asks me, for example, what I'm doing at the weekend (in front of the rest of the group). I go bright red (I know this because I have noticed people laughing before), my vision goes a bit weird, my heart beats really fast and I become really hot. I suppose it's like a mini panic attack. I'm not sure why this is as I do usually have fun plans with friends at the weekend and it's not like I feel embarrassed about my life in any way. It even happens when someone asks basic questions like what time I'm getting the train to go somewhere! One to one I am fine.

I try to divert the attention away from myself by quickly asking someone else in the group something, but I then spend weeks thinking back to that moment and how awkward I must have seemed for no reason.

I have had some CBT, which helped to an extent, but even when I try to use the techniques I learnt in these group situations I still have the same reaction.

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this? Part of the problem seems to be when I anticipate I'm going to be asked something, which makes me nervous and on edge. It seems so silly as I like my work and my team are friendly and supportive, although they are all extroverts who seem a lot more confident than me.

Thanks for any help!

2

I get this to an extent too, especially when having to give updates or do a presentation, interview or when my manager asks me a work related question. It's my fear of 'what if I get this wrong. What if I don't know what to say and I look foolish or they think I'm no good at what I'm doing'

I'm still working on it myself but the best technique for that i've found so far is graded exposure.

So for instance, you could start by asking a close friend to ask you random questions where you could practice answering, record how it makes you feel and see if you can isolate why this is or if it's certain questions that causes your anxiety. Do this at regular intervals until you start feeling comfortable with it and with the attention being on you. Mark it out of 10 for each session to track your feelings.

When this is ok, expand to maybe a group of close friends. Do some 'work' role play scenarios and see again how it tracks.

The idea being each time you increase the parameters of your experience until you reach a level you are comfortable at. Then at work, again start small. Ask your Line Manager for support or a trusted colleague and starts small. Do a quick end of day update each day maybe, record how you feel.

It does require a lot of writing down and tracking to get the best from it but it may help.