JOURNAL TO DOCUMENT SIDE EFFECTS AND WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS FROM ANTIDEPRESSANTS
Please note that this is my own personal journey and is not meant to be used as medical advice. I am providing this information to the public for guidance and reference only as I found other individuals posts helpful during this period. A short background on me……..
At age 10 I started struggling with OCD and general anxiety. Mostly phobias, germs, and afraid of impulsive/intrusive thoughts (punching a door or running out in the street). Things like that. My doctors misdiagnosed me as this was not very well known back then and put me on a bunch of medications that reacted poorly with me and landed me in the hospitals (I don’t know exactly what they are as this was 30+ years ago). I developed depression due to the misdiagnosis as well as agoraphobia and eventually had to be removed from the school system. I was put on 2 mg of Rivotril daily indefinitely to help with the anxiety and told they couldn’t do anything further. My mother endlessly researched in the library and diagnosed me herself with GA/OCD/Panic Attacks, etc.) where we started our own CBT (deep breathing and calming exercises). I improved with this technique and knowledge over time and was eventually put on 10 mg Paxil when I was 19 to assist with the depression. I have seen psychiatrists, psychologists, hypnotherapists, etc.…. I was doing fine on my low dose of meds until I lost my father to a long fight (Lewy Body Dementia). I spent a good five years looking after my father (with my Mother) washing, medicating, taking to doctors appointments, bathroom assistance, basically everything you do in private. We lost him in November 2016 and he died in both my Moms and my own arms. My anxiety and depression kicked in quite bad in February 2017. Hence, I started my journey to find a replacement med (as well as go through my mourning period and doing CBT) as this med may have “pooped out” (Prozac Poop Out). This is my journey……….
MEDICATIONS I HAVE BEEN PRESCRIBED AND TAKEN AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER:
SSRI PAXIL (10 mg, 20 mg, 30 mg)
SSRI CIPRALEX (10 mg, 20 mg, 30 mg)
SSRI PROZAC (10 mg, 20 mg, 30 mg)
SNRI PRYSTIQ (50 mg)
BENZO RIVOTRIL (2 mg)
BENZO VALIUM (2 mg as needed)
BENZO ATIVAN (2 mg as needed)
LYRICA (25 mg 3x per day)
CROSS TAPER FROM PAXIL (30 MG) TO CIPRALEX (30 MG):
FEBRUARY 23 TO 28, 2017
Ø Hallucinations (insects) Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Ø Irritability (bad) Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday (felt like yelling out loud).
Ø Tired/fatigue/headaches Sunday and Monday.
Ø Blurred vision, shaky, feel like I'm going to lose control Tuesday the 28th. Shortness of breath which could be associated with general anxiety.
WEDNESDAY MARCH 3, 2017
Ø Things better Wednesday March 3. Continued to improve from here. Still have general anxiety I want to get rid of.
MARCH 8, 2017
Ø my memory recall for the previous hour was off. I was certain I watched somebody make me a hamburger. I felt it happened and I witnessed it - but it never happened. Chest pains and shallow breathing followed. Confused. Went to sleep for 5 hours. Woke up feeling better.
MARCH 13, 2017
Ø felt like I didn't want to live anymore. Depressed. Tired of living again. Want to hide from the world. Thoughts of driving my car off the road again. Started sleeping at 2:00 pm. Got worse at midnight. Had feelings of just killing myself without regard for anything. Was not thinking properly. Going to drive myself to hospital but fell asleep thankfully.
MARCH 14, 2017
Ø Still very depressed and slept from 11:00 am to 5:00 pm. Signs of slight improvement at 6:00 pm.
MARCH 16, 2017
Ø started to feel better. Not as depressed.
Very helpful post online about Paxil withdrawal.
MARCH 20, 2017
Ø very depressed, suicidal, alone, dark. Same side effects (withdrawal). May have to look at starting small dose of Prozac to counter the effects of withdrawal. Been 1.5 months with very little improvement.
Ø thinking of taking 10 mg Paxil with 10 mg of cipralex to control social anxiety and depression.
MARCH 23, 2017
Ø very angry and irritable.
MARCH 24, 2017
Ø feeling fine. Not angry or irritable. Slight anxiety remains.
MARCH 25, 2017
Ø feeling a bit better everyday.
MARCH 31, 2017
Ø depressed feelings and dark thoughts (suicide) at bedtime. Made me nervous. Tried to get to sleep quickly.
APRIL 1, 2017
Ø Woke up depressed thoughts gone. Back to normal where I'm 20% away from feeling better.
APRIL 2, 2017
Ø started taking 30 mg cypralex. Feeling fine so far.
APRIL 4 & 5, 2017
Ø low mood and anxious. Taking Ativan to help with anxiety.
APRIL 8 & 9, 2017
Ø irritable and low mood still. Confused since April 2. Still anxious.
APRIL 10 & 11, 2017
Ø Relatively good day. Did not feel as zombie'ish and was happier than I have been in a while.
APRIL 12, 2017
Ø still pretty upbeat but nerves (choking) little worse today. Wished I would die in my sleep Wednesday night. Had trouble changing my thought process before bed.
APRIL 13, 2017
Ø dizzy/vertigo in the morning. Had to sleep it off for 3 hours. Felt better when I woke up at noon. Choking from 3:00 pm to 5:00 pm due to nerves. Wanted to die in my sleep again Thursday night.
APRIL 15, 2017
Ø had a couple beer and couldn't sleep until 4 am. Depressed and wanted to die in my sleep still.
APRIL 18, 2017
Ø ok through days. Every night I think about how I would like to die in my sleep still. I've accepted that.
APRIL 19, 2017
Ø Really bad Headaches.
APRIL 20, 2017
Ø small body seizures similar to extreme dehydration in muscles today and tonight.
April 21, 2017
Ø still suffering muscle spasms.
APRIL 24, 2017
CYPRALEX PROS AND CONS.
PROS.
- not always wishing I would die at night. 50% of the time.
- not as lethargic through the days.
CONS.
- Does not eliminate the wish that I would die in my sleep.
- it's not consistent. I have 4-5 ok days and 2-3 bad days. I feel bi-polar.
- my general anxiety level isn't looked after like Paxil did for a while.
- in general, I still feel I have to fight to live. I'm too tired to do that. I don't feel the way I know I can feel (excited, happy, etc.). Any sign of stress and I get headaches.
APRIL 30, 2017
Ø Reduced cipralex from 30 mg to 20 mg.
Ø Slightly anxious and slightly depressed. Ok for the week considering.
MAY 7, 2017
Ø Reduced Cipralex to 10 mg and started Prystiq at 50 mg.
MAY 8, 2017
Ø insomnia Sunday night
Ø itchy rashes showing up on arms. Itchy neck by afternoon.
Ø slightly irritable and unable to handle stress very well today.
MAY 9, 2017
Ø insomnia Monday night. (4:00 am - 8:30 am sleep)
Ø itchy but rashes subsiding today.
Ø Monday night couldn't think of anything positive before going to sleep.
Ø slight depersonalization. Not motivated at all.
Ø I am trying to change my thought process to remain positive.
Ø I have smiled a couple times today but that's because of My wife. That's just what she does.
MAY 10, 2017
Ø same as yesterday except my skin irritation was worse. Very itchy, skin felt sunburned (especially the face), felt like skin was becoming brittle as if it would fall off. See Dr. Today. Did not take morning Prystiq pill.
Ø sleepy and irritable today. Thinking of changing SNRI meds to Cymbalta.
Ø 10 mg cipralex until this Sunday then down to 5 mg Monday to Thursday then off Cipralex. Supposed to start Cymbalta Friday.
MAY 11, 2017
Ø Dizzy in the morning
Ø Took 10 mg Cipralex and 2 mg Rivotril.
Ø extremely irritable with brain zaps being constant.
Ø muscle seizures in legs and arms.
Ø Very angry and depressed at life.
MAY 12, 2017
Ø Slept all day. woke up at 1:00 pm.
Ø back to sleep at 2:00 pm. Irritable and jittery.
MAY 13, 2017
Ø Irritable through day, took Valium and felt better. Not as irritable.
Ø went out for dinner Saturday night and felt pretty good.
MAY 15, 2017
Ø slept well last night.
Ø Anxious this morning. (General Anxiety)
Ø Not irritable.
Ø started 5 mg Cipralex today.
Ø slept all day. Had no ambition to do anything. Starting to feel irritable and depressed at 9:00 pm.
MAY 16, 2017
Ø was able to do some work.
Ø Still depressed, irritable and overwhelmed over any project work needed to be done.
Ø thinking about going off medications before trying cymbalta or Prozac, if necessary.
Ø suicidal ideology.
MAY 17, 2017
Ø day started pretty good. wanted to do some work. When I tried I got very frustrated and angry very quickly. Very agitated.
Ø brain zaps pretty constant all afternoon and evening.
MAY 18, 2017
Ø woke up and ready to do some work.
Ø confirmed to myself people can only understand so much regarding suicide and the pain of living. They can handle physical symptoms. Not mental anguish. I can't share any further thoughts about anything or planning suicide as nobody can help!! I can't share that with anyone, psychiatrist/psychologist, doctors in Canada are useless in this area. They can provide techniques to assist in controlling anxiety and OCD. They have no idea what medication does or does not do to someone (side effects, withdrawal symptoms, success rates, even pros and cons between various SSRI's and SNRI's). They should not be licensed to practice without further significant training. They prescribe what they don't know. What the hell is the difference between discontinuation symptoms and withdrawal? They are fundamentally the same thing. Leave it to doctors and the uneducated to want to label something. FYI, the uneducated are psychiatrists and psychologists who have never experienced clinical depression, anxiety, or suicidal tendencies, taken an SSRI, SNRI, MAOI, Benzo, etc. The best they can do is refer to when they were 8 years old and their kitten snowball died and how sad it was. Yet let's put you on an MAOI or maybe just an SNRI cause that's what the textbook says to try or the latest pharmaceutical rep is padding your pocket to push their new medication without conducting necessary studies before putting the drug to market. If the pharmaceutical company actually completed the necessary studies properly Paxil would never hit the market. This drug, although I'm sure has helped some, can kill you once you have to come off it. How come my psychiatrist I was seeing in my early teens when I was prescribed this med never told me about these withdrawal effects? I'm in my 40's now!!
What I find funny is people don't understand why I hate my birthday. I don't celebrate it. How can I celebrate the day my life started.....a life that is too painful to live?? In most cases you receive palliative care if you fit this description. But suicide is a coward’s way out??? That's not my opinion. Suicide is a last resort to a life that is too painful to live -- unfortunately this is a reality more often than not.
MAY 19, 2017
Ø Good day today. I was able to talk myself into sensible thinking and better moods.
Ø Was able to work at least 6 hours today without any frustrations. My mind is very tired now though - to be expected.
Ø Brain zaps not as bad today.
MAY 20, 2017
Ø another good day.
Ø brain zaps still hanging around.
Ø dizzy in the morning.
Ø second last day on 5 mg/day Cipralex.
MAY 21, 2017
Ø shaky, angry, tired due to a family member thinking I'm fine based on the way I look today.
MAY 22, 2017
Ø tired, irritable all day.
Ø very suicidal at night.
STOPPED SSRI/SNRI MEDICATION COMPLETELY TODAY. EXPECTED TO TAKE 6 WEEKS TO GO THROUGH WITHDRAWAL (JULY 7, 2017).
MAY 23, 2017
Ø stopped taking 5 mg Cipralex today. Only on 2 mg Rivotril now.
Ø irritable today as well and very suicidal.
Ø mood improved in evening then became more irritable before bed. Nauseous as well.
MAY 24, 2017
Ø brain zaps, depressed, tired.
Ø day 2 with no meds,
Ø very irritable. Shouting at everyone during hockey.
Ø Challenging everyone to fights in the ice??
MAY 25, 2017
Ø tired all day.
Ø brain zaps just as bad as yesterday. The worst they have been.
Ø Depressed at night. Feeling nauseous, anxious, vaclempt throat, nervous, shaking, and couldn't sleep.
MAY 26, 2017
Ø depressed but not as bad as yesterday.
Ø Irritable but not as bad as last night. Very slightly I have more control over it using breathing. I have to start exercising asap. Lack of energy is preventing this.
Ø more anxious and nervous at bedtime. Can't get to sleep again but slight improvement from last night.
MAY 27, 2017
Ø brain zaps but not as bad as two days ago.
Ø played hockey all day so good exercise.
Ø did my breathing and took Valium for the day and irritability was controlled.
Ø a better day today than yesterday. Was not as depressed.
Ø became tearful in evening/emotional.
MAY 28, 2017
Ø brain zaps a little difficult today. Can't drive myself.
Ø Slightly irritable and even more so once at moms.
Ø tearful/emotional.
MAY 29, 2017
Ø slept well.
Ø irritable and very tearful/emotional today.
Ø crying for no specific reason, although the pain and discomfort of withdrawal was high on the list.
Ø took two Ativan to help shut me down/sleep.
Ø the medical community never warned I would be addicted to this or go through withdrawal.
Ø took melatonin, lavender, gravol, etc. To help me sleep tonight.
Ø tomorrow is one week no meds. I am giving it 4 weeks minimum (June 27, 2017).
MAY 30, 2017
Ø slept ok. Making it through the nights.
Ø vivid dreams throughout this whole process but nothing scary.
Ø I'm not as anxious or nervous at night anymore.
Ø attempting to get work done again today. Not sure what today will bring.
Ø good day. Slightly depressed but manageable with my breathing techniques and consciously changing my thought process.
Ø not emotional today.
Ø brain zaps only came on around 6:00 pm.
Ø A good step forward from the past couple days.
MAY 31, 2017
Ø brain zaps this morning and all day today.
Ø Was awake from 2:00 am since my wife was sick last night. Couldn't get back to sleep.
Ø Strange feeling in my mind of uncertainty of control, etc. To be expected since I have depended on synthetic SSRI serotonin production since I was a young teenager.
Ø Not very irritable today which was good.
Ø My energy needs to improve. I need to exercise.
Ø More anxious tonight. Nerves not great.
Ø Insomnia tonight.
JUNE 1, 2017
Ø not depressed, not suicidal, not happy or sad. I just exist.
Ø Anxiety became quite bad last night. Lots of deep breathing exercises required. Small panic attacks.
Ø Very afraid of my own mind still and what it's capable of.
Ø Doing my best to work today, control my anxieties, and doing a gentle work out to get endorphins going.
Ø Doubled my omega3 this morning (2,000 mg). My brain zaps weren't too bad today. Not sure if Omega3 increase helped?
Ø My mood has been a lot better this afternoon which is encouraging. Had some energy to go for a couple walks and a little more life in my voice when I talk to someone.
Ø Not afraid of my mind right now. My mind is calm.
JUNE 2, 2017
Ø good sleep last night. Woke up at 11:00 am though.
Ø Slept all day as well. However, light brain zaps only, not as continuous, feeling pretty calm and not as afraid.
Ø More life in my voice when I talk. Another good progress day!!
JUNE 3, 2017
Ø had a 5 minute long panic attack that I was going to lose control of my mind at midnight. Did my own CBT and calmed myself down before being able to sleep.
Ø Slight anxiety at night after everyone went to sleep.
Ø Woke up at 9:30 am. Seem pretty good so far.
Ø Brain zaps still present but getting better.
JUNE 4, 2017
Ø insomnia last night. Got to sleep close to 3:00 am. Didn't wake up until noon.
Ø Bad day today. Angry, irritable, lethargic, depressed, suicidal, tired. Most likely brought on by my wife being confrontational with me and getting angry with me.
Ø Slept all day and night.
JUNE 5, 2017
Ø Woke up at 4:30 am.
Ø Quite depressed and irritable.
Ø Overwhelmed by business work I need to get done.
Ø I want to be alone. I want to run away. I don't want this life anymore. I don't want to be a bother to my family anymore.
Ø Brain zaps not nearly as frequent.
Ø Did not sleep all night. So I worked.
JUNE 6, 2017
Ø Slept from 8:00 am to 11:00 am this morning.
Ø Not feeling much better than yesterday. Still feel depressed and irritable.
Ø Brain zaps not bad at all today.
Ø I took 1,100 mg of Omega3 and Magnesium today.
Ø Felt better in the afternoon and evening. Took a Valium to help sleep all night tonight.
JUNE 7, 2017
Ø Slept well last night (Valium).
Ø Feel ok this morning. Not very depressed or too irritable.
Ø I am now taking 200 mg of 5-HTP, 1,100 mg Omega3, Magnesium, and vitamin D. I have eliminated vitamin B for now. Same as my son to see how I do.
Ø Brain zaps back today but not terrible.
JUNE 8, 2017
Ø brain zaps a little worse today.
Ø Still feel positive. Not suicidal or depressed today.
JUNE 9, 2017
Ø brain zaps under control.
Ø Depressed/tearful today.
Ø Very angry with the government failing me but more importantly my son.
Ø Realized I have to pay a qualified psychologist to help my son as my tax dollars are wasted on unqualified doctors.
JUNE 10, 2017
Ø slept ok last night.
Ø Still depressed. Not suicidal.
Ø Slightly irritable. Same as yesterday.
JUNE 11, 2017
Ø took a Valium last night. Slow to get to sleep.
Ø Not as depressed today. Just irritable and lack any energy.
Ø Slight brain zaps but nothing bad.
Ø Still taking my vitamin Stack every day. Melatonin at night to help sleep.
JUNE 12, 2017
Ø woke up not as irritable. But as the day went on I grew more irritable. I guess my fuse is growing but still isn't very long. Had to leave my house from 5 pm and not come home until everyone in bed.
Ø Had to sleep in a different room as I couldn't sleep until 4 am and I was getting more and more irritable. My son sleeps with us and I was still getting angry when he moved in bed in his sleep!?!?
Ø Not depressed/suicidal. Don't particularly care for my life but I never really have.
Ø Brain zaps came back in evening as irritability got worse.
Ø I feel I can get off these drugs and stay off. I don't need them. I know this for certain. I want to be off these drugs. I can't continue my withdrawal journey as it is impacting my family, my job, my life. I have to drug myself to keep my family from suffering. If I didn't have to worry about my wife or kids, pay bills, or anything else I could do this. The pharmaceutical company has won again. They continue to get rich by approving addicting drugs without proper studies and distributing to the public without proper warning from psychiatrists that push these drugs.
JUNE 13, 2017
Ø Insomnia last night. Couldn't get to sleep until 4 am. Very irritable last night.
Ø Woke up at 9:00 am this morning on couch.
Ø Not happy to be alive, ready for natural death, but not suicidal.
Ø Don't feel as irritable so far in morning.
Ø Irritability was ok yesterday. Took cortisol and melatonin last night and slept well. 11:00 pm to 6:00 am.
JUNE 14, 2017
Ø went for a jog this morning.
Ø Irritable again. Took Cortisol manager to try to suppress irritability.
Ø Very tired today.
Ø Anxious and depressed. Could be because I have to go back on SSRI's this Monday. Don't want to but for my son I will and have to. Back to dope city! Let's just hope Prozac doesn't make things worse.
Ø Feel like I'm not in full control of my thoughts and actions.
Ø 100% not due to the way I am. This is pure withdrawal and retraining the mind off meds.
Ø Not a good day. Oh, and still not able to get work done. My work is suffering. Not sure how much longer I can provide for my family.
JUNE 15, 2017
Ø Slept well last night.
Ø I'm feeling ok this morning. Have the potential to improve I feel today. Will wait and see.
Ø I am very tired/drained and lack the energy to do anything. Trying to get into work mode. Was able to get 5 hours of work done today.
Ø Pretty good day today. Not as irritable. I was able to control getting too angry.
JUNE 16, 2017
Ø slept well again.
Ø Not irritable so far today.
Ø Not too bad all around so far.
JUNE 17, 2017
Ø slept well again
Ø Only slightly irritable today but I'm working on controlling it.
Ø Not too bad all around again so far.
JUNE 18, 201
Ø Slept well again last night.
Ø depression has been taking over. Too much fighting to enjoy life.
Ø Aside from the recent couple days, would love not to wake up each morning.
Ø Starting 10 mg Prozac tomorrow.
NOTE: BRAIN ZAPS - Appeared to last 1 month after stopping medications completely.
STARTED 10 MG OF PROZAC JUNE 19, 2017.
JUNE 19, 2017
Ø Prozac made me tired at lunch. Still tired after 3 hour nap.
Ø Irritability is present but has been since I stopped SSRI's.
Ø my heart rate increased.
Ø Bunch of small panic attacks. Worry about losing control of my thoughts. Felt this before during my cross taper (Paxil to cipralex).
Ø My neck is going through spasms. Feels like my neck is seizing in one position.
JUNE 20, 2017
Ø feeling ok this morning at 8:30 am.
Ø Aside from being tired and having to sleep from noon to 2:00 pm today generally a good day so far.
Ø General anxiety between 7:00 - 9:00 pm. Same as night before.
JUNE 21 & 22, 2017
Ø I have been pretty good past two days. I'm cautiously encouraged I will get back to where I was when this whole thing started on Prozac.
Ø Only issue I'm watching is increased anxiety between 6:00 pm and bedtime. Tight chest and tight throat.
Ø Of note, brain zaps completely gone. Although they were leaving while off meds. Depression not as bad and feels somewhat controlled. I haven't been suicidal for a while now both on and off medication.
Ø Of course, completely fine dying in my sleep but 1000x better than what I have been feeling and going through.
Ø Doctors still want to prescribe different meds to me but I won't let them. I decide the fate of each drug. I'm more qualified, it's my mind and body. Only I know. My poor father, couldn't communicate what he felt on all of his meds for dementia. He was tortured by his doctors with all the rapid drug changes and uncertainty. Couldn't communicate to us any adverse effects or withdrawal symptoms.
Ø 7:30 pm became very irritable. Felt it coming on. Took Valium, cortisol, Tylenol, melatonin to stop it. Seems to be my witching hour for some reason? Could be that I had a big day pushing myself visiting or just could be side effect of Prozac.
JUNE 23, 2017
Ø Slept ok last night. Was very nervous/anxious last night. I feel anxious/nervous today as well.
Ø Headache, feeling off, anxious today. Went back to bed and shut down today between 8:30 am and 2:00 pm.
Ø This is the first day of my normal Rivotril (not old or generic brand) since about Saturday.
Ø I firmly believe i am feeling Prozac side effect. This will be DAY 2.
Ø Woke up after 2:00 pm. No energy, fatigued, anxious, and just overall feeling off.
JUNE 24, 2017
Ø day was pretty good. Saturday and not very anxious. Depression is not too bad lately. Controllable. Will wait until week 3 or 4 before I consider increasing Prozac, if necessary.
JUNE 25, 2017
Ø Slightly anxious this morning. Trying to get that under control.
Ø FYI, appetite still quite low since taking Prozac but I can stand to lose 20 pounds anyway so I'm not concerned. I'm sure I'll get my appetite back as I adjust to the med.
JUNE 27, 2017
Ø I have been ok the past couple days/week. I definitely have room for improvement but I am in the right direction.
Ø I am so focused on helping my son with his anxiety issues. He is struggling soooo much. That bothers me.
Ø Still have trouble with full days of work. Get tired easily (mentally).
JUNE 30, 2017
Ø my mood has been low this week. I have been on Prozac 10 mg for the past 11 days. Will wait until week 3 before I go to 20 mg.
Ø still in the right direction. I just prefer to be left alone most of the time. Blah.
Ø Any work or pressure I have to think about effects me right now.
JULY 4, 2017
Ø mood remains low since last log but I can handle it for now. Waiting to increase Prozac this week to 20 mg.
Ø Have had more flashes of anxiety recently. Will continue to watch.
Ø Irritability is hit and miss. Still there but I can usually catch it in time so I don't let it ruin anyone's day.
PROZAC DOSE INCREASE TO 20MG JULY 6, 2017
JULY 6, 2017
Ø increased dose of Prozac to 20 mg today.
Ø Still nervous/anxiety feeling.
Ø A lot of my old "what if" worries to deal with.
JULY 10, 2017
Ø feeling pretty good since July 8, 2017.
Ø Not as anxious daily.
Ø Slight symptoms of dizziness, lack of appetite.
Ø Not depressed. Not as anxious. 85% of what I was when I was originally on Paxil.
Ø Pretty bad panic attack this morning at 4:00 am. Have to take a Valium.
JULY 11, 2017
Ø Slightly irritable today.
Ø anxiety all day. Slept all day from the Valium and Ativan I took at 4:00 am.
Ø Nighttime took cortisol stress manager, melatonin, Tylenol, and gravol to try to sleep.
JULY 14, 2017
Ø depressed since Wednesday. Hoping this improves by Sunday. Friday today.
Ø Anxiety is not as bad today.
Ø I feel a lot like I just exist past three days. Not very happy.
JULY 15, 2017
Ø ok day. Not as depressed or anxious. Just average.
JULY 16, 2017
Ø blah day. Worried about my business and finances.
Ø Not my normal self yet
JULY 20, 2017
Ø been very anxious past few days. Anxiety levels up.
Ø Mood is still blah.
Ø Appetite is still low.
Ø It's been 14 days (2 weeks) since I increased from 10 mg to 20 mg. Waiting for drug to "kick in" and start helping.
JULY 21, 2017
Ø anxious this morning. Anxiety still remains. Depression not that bad but may be because I'm too busy being anxious. Worrying about my thoughts. That's a tough one to explain but basically afraid I will lose control of my mind. However, this is a common irrational fear of anxiety and panic attacks so I'm not overly concerned that it will happen. Definitely don't want to increase to 30 mg though. Want to see if this anxiety goes away.
JULY 26, 2017
Ø have been ok for a couple days. Depression not that bad. Anxiety is there but tolerable.
Ø Not as scary anxiety symptoms as when I increased the dose. Not concerned about control of my thoughts.
Ø My son is struggling though with anxiety and OCD. It's killing me that he is suffering.
Ø I am struggling with:
- Loss of dad
- Sons Illness and helping him get better
- My anxiety and depression and constant med changes
- Losing my business to take time off to get better
- Having to send my wife to work while I get better (i.e. Not financially looking after her).
JULY 30, 2017
Ø bad weekend. Terrified for my son. Anxious because his anxiety and OCD seems to be getting worse.
Ø I don't feel well and I can't really explain this one. I'm irritable and anxious. Mostly about my son. My nerves are constant worrying about my son.
INCREASED PROZAC TO 30 MG TODAY
JULY 31, 2017
Ø I have increased Prozac to 30 mg today.
Ø My depression became troublesome this past weekend and so did my feeling of being anxious. I think it was mostly due to worrying about my sons health. I think that's what happened with Paxil and dad. Dads death was too hard on me for Paxil to control. My sons poor health (anxiety, OCD, panic, autism spectrum?) may be too hard on me for 20 mg Prozac. See how this goes. If nothing, I will need to change medication again.
STOPPED 30 MG PROZAC TODAY. BACK TO 20 MG PROZAC
AUGUST 1, 2017
Ø The day I started 30 mg Prozac my anxiety and insomnia levels skyrocketed. Panic attacks are harsh. This drug is horrible. I'm going to start coming off it.
Ø Took sleeping pill tonight.
AUGUST 2, 2017
Ø slept until 4:00 am. Woke up quite tired. Still anxious. Trying to fight it off using my techniques (breathing, positive thinking, keeping busy, etc).
Ø My mind was racing last night. Couldn't slow my mind down to sleep. Fell asleep after 1:30 am.
Ø Impulsive feelings are quite strong. Trying to get rid of them. My panic is bad. Not sure if Prozac is contributing to this. I'm failing fast.
AUGUST 3, 2017
Ø Slept most of today. Tired and don't want to leave the house. Anxious constantly but at least my breathing techniques are still working.
Ø I feel weak. Can't eat since I've been on Prozac.
DROPPED PROZAC DOSE DOWN TO 10 MG TODAY IN PREPARATION FOR CHANGE.
AUGUST 5, 2017
Ø good nights sleep. Son has been up at cottage since yesterday morning with Nanny and doing fine.
Ø I avoided daytime naps altogether. Went to bed at 10:30 pm. Took cortisol, melatonin, and gravol to sleep straight through to 7:00 am.
Ø I have started consciously thinking positively to try to get out of this rut and doing my breathing.
AUGUST 6, 2017
Ø slept well again last night.
Ø Nerves/anxiety elevated.
Ø Was irritable today but noticed and tried to control it.
Ø Not depressed.
AUGUST 7, 2017
Ø little tough going to sleep last night.
Ø Anxiety present but less than day before.
Ø Irritable today at times as well. This too will pass. Could be from reducing Prozac.
Ø Not depressed.
AUGUST 21, 2017
Ø haven't documented much. My son is now very ill. Focusing on him and not me.
Ø Taking 10 mg Prozac daily and 25 mg Lyrica 2x per day for anxiety (I don’t get that one?). Im supposed to take more but I will sty on 25 mg 2x per day if that helps. Supposed to take 3 times a day but I'm not comfortable with that.
Ø I'm functional to the point I can work on my own CBT improvement to control anxiety. I will pause here on medications and focus on CBT/psychologist/and my own challenges to increase confidence to eliminate anxiety.
I have brought myself to a point where I am comfortable and can leave my medications alone for now and use my CBT training to bring me further. I don’t have time to play with medications anymore as my son needs me more than ever. I equate this mental health journey to climbing a mountain or Mount Everest as an example (cheesy I know). You sometimes need medication to establish a base camp (something/someplace safe in your skin) that you don’t mind falling back to as you try to ascend the mountain. Once you have base camp set up and feel some comfort you can now start your CBT/mental training to take control of your thoughts and emotions to fight for a more positive life. There is no “silver bullet” or “magic pill”. You have to find the base meds that make you comfortable and then train yourself over your years to climb the mountain. You will slip and fall on your journey, but no further than base camp at least. This is my approach for me and my son…………………
Good luck on your journey. I hope my information has helped you in some little way. If I can provide more information or answers to any questions I will do my best to respond.
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