About 3 months after getting severe mononucleosis and dealing with a hellish brainfog, I had the biggest panic attack ever. For a whole weeks I had extreme anxiety and lost 10 pounds. It is now February and I’m still dealing with this s**t.it Makes me feel horrible even when I’m not feeling anxious. It’s the worst feeling ever. It’s like every second something is wrong and I just don’t feel right and I hate it. I Don’t know how to explain it. Especially right when I wake up. It’s so bad and I hate it and it feels like my mind is sick. I get anxious about Doing things and talking to people while having this problem.
Want to learn how to put all this behind me and continue to move forward, and be able to understand how to handle when I’m feeling off, not right, or having anxious thoughts about how I’m feeling. And also get rid of the “but” and “what ifs” and scared thoughts. I feel like I can’t do things because of the way I feel. There’s so many obsessive and negative thoughts going on and it’s hard to focus on what’s going on around me. It’s like my brain tells me how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking and acknowledging feeling off or weird all the time. My subconscious monitors how I’m feeling and talking and thinking every second. And also not be indecisive on what to do and why I’m doing it because of anxiety and not feeling right. Want to learn how to have free time and not have anxiety and feeling “not right” when I’m not busy. I find myself getting worried about the weekend because I don’t have school, and scared I won’t know what to do and it won’t feel right because of anxiety. Anxiety makes me feel so weird and bad and off and I hate it. It makes me so confused and everything seems so distant, and I hate it. It’s so hard to remember things and I feel like I’m in a dream most of the time. And sometimes I ask if things even happened because they don’t feel real. However, after my senior retreat, I had a great week with little to no derealization. Then Friday night, it all came back. I want to not have to tell my mom how I’m feeling 24/7. Never want to have to go back to how I was feeling and want to get off my medicine and live life to the fullest without these horrible feelings. Want to not be worrying about what I’m doing in the future 24/7 and if I will still be feeling like this. Want to stop fearing how I’m memorizing things and feeling off and live life and be able to feel normal again and get involved in things around me have fun without feeling mentally ill. Just riding home I “don’t feel right” it is absolutely the worst feeling in the world and nothing seems as appealing anymore because I feel this way. Usually the day before all this starts, I don’t feel as energetic and just kind bleh.... then the next day I’m completely stuck in my own head and feel horrible and don’t want to do anything and just feel trapped. And I feel like I’m stuck in a living hell and cannot get my mind on anything and nothing seems appealing. I don’t want to hangout with anybody I don’t want to eat I just want this to go away. I am so sad and tired of this I want my old self back. And this can go on for weeks and it is torture. My body also feels “light” when this happens. And nose and head tingles and has pressure. But these go away when I have a break from the anxiety. Want to learn how to get through this, and want to learn exactly what is going on with me. While I had mono, I took sarms which is a (PED) (which I didn’t know it was) for exactly one week and also drank alcohol like twice. I’m afraid I messed my brain up and the thought of that makes me feel sick and scared. It makes me feel so bad and off I’m scared it isn’t anxiety. I cannot stop talking or writing down about it and I don’t want to do anything. This is horrible. It literally makes me cry my eyes out because I feel so bad and trapped and it’s been going on for so long. I am a 17 year old male.
I need to understand what is going on with me and how I can recover.