Anxiety after mono?

Ears, nose and throat
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I was diagnosed with a horrible case of mono in august, and had bad brain fog and stuff, swollen spleen and liver, etc. it was pretty severe. well in about November, what started is only what I can say is hell on earth. I had massive panic attack and serious anxiety for a week and lost over 10 pounds. and its now February, I've been through CBT, on medication and the whole works. life is still a living hell. read all of this post, what is below is what I have been writing to show my doctor that I will see in the next week. if anyone has any advice, please give it.

Makes me feel horrible even when I’m not feeling anxious. It’s the worst feeling ever. Don’t know how to explain it. Especially right when I wake up. It’s so bad and I hate it and it feels like my mind is sick. I get anxious about Doing things and talking to people while having this problem and everything feels so off and distant. I have no want to do anything because I feel this way. I just want to sleep half the time because it’s so bad.

Want to learn how to put all this behind me and continue to move forward, and be able to understand what is going on with me.  And also get rid of the “but” and “what ifs” and scared thoughts. I feel like I can’t do things because of the way I feel. There’s so many obsessive and negative thoughts going on and it’s hard to focus on what’s going on around me. It’s like my brain tells me how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking and acknowledging feeling off or weird all the time. My subconscious monitors how I’m feeling and talking and thinking every second. And also not be indecisive on what to do and why I’m doing it because of anxiety and not feeling right. Want to learn how to have free time and not have anxiety and feeling “not right” when I’m not busy. I find myself getting worried about the weekend because I don’t have school, and scared I won’t know what to do and it won’t feel right because of anxiety. Anxiety makes me feel so weird and bad and off and I hate it. It makes me so confused, foggy, like I’m dreaming, and everything seems so distant. I hate it. It’s so hard to remember things and I feel like I’m in a dream most of the time. And sometimes I ask if things even happened because they don’t seem real. I want to not have to tell my mom how I’m feeling 24/7. Never want to have to go back to how I was feeling and  want to get off my medicine and live life to the fullest without these horrible feelings. Want to not be worrying about what I’m doing in the future 24/7 and if I will still be feeling like this. Want to stop fearing how I’m memorizing things and feeling off and live life and be able to feel normal again and get involved in things around me have fun without feeling mentally ill. Just riding home I “don’t feel right” and nothing seems as appealing anymore because I feel this way. Usually the day before all this starts, I don’t feel as energetic and just kind bleh.... then the next day I’m completely stuck in my own head and feel horrible and don’t want to do anything and just feel trapped. And I feel like I’m stuck in a living hell and cannot get my mind on anything and nothing i seems appealing. I don’t want to hangout with anybody I don’t want to eat I just want this to go away. I am so sad and tired of this I want my old self back. And this can go on for weeks and it is torture. I read online (I have been limiting my googling use tremendously)  that EBV can affect the thyroid and cortisol levels and adrenal stress or something like that which can make me feels this way. I don’t know what any of those are but I’m opened minded to anything right now because I HAVE  to get back to normal. This has been going on way too long. If it was just the normal anxiety feelings I could handle that. This just feels so bad and like it’s something else that I can’t push past it. I just have to keep going on with my life while going through this just to have a little break from it for like a day or so, just to have it come back. My body also feels “light” sometimes when this happens. And nose, right ear, and head tingles and has pressure. But these go away when I have a break from the anxiety. Want to learn how to get through this, and want to learn exactly what is going on with me. While I had mono,  I took SARM’s (MK2866) that I got from online which is a PED for exactly one week hoping it would help my brain fog and also drank alcohol like twice. I’m afraid I this or the EBV and Mono messed my brain up and the thought of that makes me feel sick and scared. It makes me feel so bad and off I’m scared it isn’t anxiety. Every second while I’m sitting at home I don’t feel right and don’t want to do anything because I feel so bad. It’s hard for me to believe it’s anxiety because it’s so constant. I cannot stop talking or writing down about it and I don’t want to do anything. This is horrible. It literally makes me cry all the time because I feel so bad and trapped and it’s been going on for so long. Which is NOT like me at all. Im pretty sure the last time I cried before all this started was when i was like 12. I started balling crying in front of my best friend. It’s that bad. I feel so extremely overwhelmed by all this I can’t even describe it. I also have no motivation. When before all of this I was the most motivated person I knew. It makes me SOOOO tired and I can’t focus and just want to sleep and wake up and it be gone. When this happens I literally have purple bags on my eyes. This isnt all the time though. I have to make myself workout and enjoy baseball because I “don’t feel right” I feel so weird and anxious and feel so bad it makes me sad that working out and baseball aren’t fun anymore because of the way I feel because that used to be my passion before all this. Every time I hear I need to do something or have to go somewhere I feel horrible I don’t even know why.  I basically have to MAKE myself play xbox. I truly don’t know how to describe it, it is just an overwhelming and horrible feeling. I completely zone out when this happens. I just feel like a zombie.

I haven’t really noticed any negative effects with the lexapro it’s only taken the edge off a little bit. I don’t even really want to be on it. I have been having all these feeling ever since this all started.

I need to understand what is going on with me and how I can recover from this. Because the way it makes me feel is absolutely horrible and I have been going through this for way too long. I like I cant handle any stress whatsoever. I usually stay on my phone in bed for an hour or two on the weekends instead of getting straight into the day, when before all this, I would get up immediately and go hang out with friends or workout. I just feel dead most of the time and unable to cope with how I’m feeling. I also have noticed I will be sitting in bed or in the living room and I will have random parts of my body twitch. I also can never keep my legs still. Especially at school they are constantly fidgeting. I also still have the vibration sensation in my liver area and a twitch in my right ear often.  I know I’ve said this already but I need to understand what is going on with me. Because there is no way this is just anxiety and I have to get out of this. I have to know what is wrong with me and what I can do about it.

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keep in mind, I am a 17 y/o 6'0 170lb male baseball player who used to love fishing, working out like crazy, loving life, and playing xbox. I am a senior in high school and have goals of playing college baseball, and have schools looking at me, and I feel like my dreams are gonna be thrown down the drain because of this living hell. I literally f*cking CRIED in front of my friend because this is so overwhelming. I can't even put into words how it makes me feel. I need to know what is wrong with me and how to get better. senior year was supposed to be MY YEAR. I dealt with bad social anxiety since beginning of freshman year and I finally felt good and confident in years and I got the worst case of mono my doctor has ever seen right after, and then this living hell. I just can't get a break. I really need to feel normal again. 

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I used to be the guy out of all my friends that always wanted to hang out and be adventurous and now I dont even know who I am anymore. I have no want to do anything and I have been pushing through this for way to long. I need my life back

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my doctor said my body was in excellent condition I have no clue what is wrong I need help

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The anxiety you are feeling is most likely from EBV. I had Mono a couple of years ago and had a lot of anxiety. Please hang in there and know this will pass. You will get back to normal. This virus has lots of weird symptoms that are hard to explain. Get lots of rest, take vitamins and be good to yourself. What you are feeling are the effects of the horrible EBV. It takes awhile to get over and it waxes and wanes. I'll pray for your recovery. Hand in there please!

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HI  YYY1000,

I felt this way for about 11 months,( I am 55 so it lasts longer )my daughter and granddaughter also contracted it. It is hard to believe how it makes you feel, the anxiety is the worst. It may not feel like it but you will start to feel better. You will notice a good few hours and then a few good days, this is the start of recovery, it will still be up and down from there. Hang in there when I was at six months I thought I would never get better.

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thank you I will. Im glad to hear some uplifting advice. God bless

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thank you so much. did you have feelings of just "feeling bad" ? its the best way I can put it. I just dont feel right and dont want to do anything which is not like me at all. it is a horrible feeling I can't even put into words

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Yes, as I told the doctor I lived my whole life without this horrible anxiety, I had never felt so bad, I had anxiety, muscle aches, heart palpations, weakness, a feeling like an internal shakiness, neck tightness, brain fog,exhaustion, weight loss, nausea ect, like having the flu for almost a year. It is almost as if it effects the nervous system. 

Just know that it is the virus causing this feeling and rest as much as possible. My granddaughter is also 17 and on independent study. she is resting, doing plenty of fluids and advil for the muscle aches.

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Hello,

The morning anxiety and weird feeling of panic that you described.. I had it too. I would wake up scared for no reason with my heart racing and my body shaking and I would just sit up and cry. My husband had to take me to work with him and I would just sit on a chair staring at the wall because I was so scared of being alone (this is NOT like me at all... suddenly I was afraid of being left alone probably because my body was going haywire). I understand how you feel. Something that made me feel better was forums! Just reading other people going through what I was and am going through is calming, though I wish none of us had to go through this. 

I think your panic might be making hints worse though, like a loop or bad cycle. I’m not judging.. I was in the panicked state that you are in now too. Gentle hugs. Please join forums, talk through your fears. EBV is another thing you may google, it is what causes mono. I googled EBV forum. Lots of people, reach out like you did today. 

All the best to you. 

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Hi yyy,

Oh I have read your story there and can really feel your pain coming through so bad. The main thing I want to offer is real HOPE for you today and reassurance that what you're going through is a very normal experience for mono. I don't mean that in any way to be dismissive at all because I went through virtually the same kind of experience, it's the not knowing if and when things will get better that is so hard to deal with. If someone could say 'okay you're going to be like this for 3 months and then you will be totally fine' then it would be tough to deal with at the time but there would be relief knowing there was an end to it.

Let me reassure you that there IS an end to this. I thought after months it would never get better for me but it did, and it WILL for you too, I truly believe that. You're young and have lots of healthy and happy time ahead, I really honeslty believe that God will bring healing.

The worry and the anxiety will go too, and it sounds like you're doing all the right things to help yourself. You have nothing to feel bad about in terms of spending extra time in bed (your body needs rest and recovery anyway), taking lepraxo (I do too and it really can help) or breaking down in front of friends in family - I would definitely encourage you to talk to folk about how you're feeling rather than bottle it up, it's so hard to deal with this yyy but you ARE going to get better believe me!! Take it from me as someone who thought he never would at the 6 month mark like you are now, but after 9-10 months i noticed a real change and life started to get back to normal again and I felt so relieved and grateful - and you will have that experience too, just hang in there for now and take each day as it comes don't look too far ahead.

One other good thing that helped me was taking vitamins and supplements - I get it that your body just feels like it's lost it's resilience and can't cope with anything - this is the way it got me too and the vitamins and supplements just boost your immune and nervous system to cope better as your body heals. A good strong multi-vitamin per day is a great idea, as is high doses of Vitamin C (1000mg-3000mg per day), extra Vitamin D in the winter time especially, and really important things that help calm the nervous system like B complex (great for energy levels) and Evening Primrose Oil. Immune boosting herbs like siberian ginseng and echinicea also really good.

But most important of all....just remember you WILL get through this and back to FULL health again - I 100% believe that having been through the same, and that was when I was 25 a bit older than you (the younger you are is a great plus for timescale of recovery I believe with this).

Hang in there and thinking about you - also good is to do things that help remove and reduce stress, I know it's hard even small things like watching tv shows you like, reading, listening to music, meeting up with friends, going for short walks, etc - all these are good just make sure you get plenty of rest too though and don't over do things.

The forum here has some great people with good advice, definitely worth keeping an eye on the different threads for hope and encouragement - there are so many scare stories on the internet about EBV, don't read or believe them (I know it's hard) because remember that the vast majority of the western world (75% plus I believe) are infected with this virus at some point in their lives (mostly as a child when they don't feel the full effects) and the vast vast vast majority of those people go on to live healthy and happy lives.

Take care and thinking of you, and I do believe you will make a complete recovery, I trust God with that one.

Craig

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Hi yyy1000 ( love your online name!)

im a 41 year old female and I've had it about a year, I'm in my 4th good week but it has been a horrible last year. I hear what you're saying and completely understand. I had tingles, aches, fatigue, breathlessness, and crying, lots of crying for no reason! You need to rest and be kind to your body while it recovers, but you will get over it, I'm doing so much better now.

caroline x

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Exactly the same thing here. Got it in June last year from then on my anxiety went through the roof. Like I would be anxious about every little thing just as simple as crossing the road felt horrendous. I think glandular fever must do something to your mind. I had depersonalisation shakes and regular panic episodes. I also became Hypothyroid and now on medication for it. Craig mono too Caroline have helped me a lot on this forum. It does get better but try taking vitamins to help speed the process up. Im 24 and it hit me for 6.

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Hey Caroline and Jelley,

Hope you both have had a settled start to the week....great to hear your words of encouragement as always the forum is lucky to have you guys!

Craig

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Hi Craig, yes!  I've started week 4 on a good foot....been busy today and I'm still going, I've got good vibes! 

to everyone going through a tough time, it will get better and things will settle down. Things do turn around.

my days now consist of school runns, shopping trips, cleaning, walking the dog etc, this is my fourth consecutive week!!! Still early nights and rests in between, I'm not completely normal but it's a much better story than last year! 

I hope your doing ok Craig. I hope you're back isn't giving you grief still??  You're the king of patient forum and kind words. I really appreciate every reply.

caroline x

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I will keep that in mind thank you.

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I had that for about a month, but now its just these horrible feelings I can't even describe. its like my mind feels ill and I cry all the time and have no want to do anything. everything just feels so bad and not thew same. thank you for the response btw. 

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Thankyou so much Craig. im really thankful for your response. I have a question though, I have these horrible feelings that I can't even explain... they just feel so bad and its torture. every little bit of anxiety I can't even handle and makes me cry which is not like me at ALL. someone on another post suggested it could be adrenal stress or too low or too high cortisol... could that be it? thanks.

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like im perfectly active and stuff just " I dont feel right" ... I have said that more than anything in the last two months. i have no want to do anything anymore its horrible. the feelings are sooo overwhelming.

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Hey,

You’re welcome. I think the not wanting to do anything and weird anxiety is due to the fact that you’re ill, you’re young, you want to be doing stuff but you can’t, so you worry why it’s taking so long to heal and what if it’s sometbinf else. My friend, please rest easy if you’ve been tested for mono and it came out positive, time will heal you. If it makes you feel better I have no diagnosis, all my tests are excellent all I show is a past infection which may or may not explain what I’m going through - fatigue, breathlessness, liver pains. 

You will make it you already survived every single terrible day you had. You did. And you will keep on trucking along until this thing resolves itself. It will  

How did your appointment go? 

Ps. I didn’t want to do anything today either. Slept until noon. Cried from noon until 4 pm. LOL. I was never like this before always so active and wanting to work and exercise and hike and clean. Now I’m just a crying sicky sack of potatoes. Things will be ok.