Anxiety and a wedding in less then 8 weeks

[nh_user_1008813]

I love my fiance so much, he is the nicest person I have ever met, he is brilliant even though he doesn't think so, he thinks outside the box and he doesn't care what other people think. He cares for me and he takes care of me and i couldn't have asked for a better person to spend my life with so why the hell am I so afraid of getting married?!

He makes me laugh when I want to cry, he makes me mad, he drives me crazy, but ugh I couldn't even imagine not having him in my life, not coming home to him every day or waking up to him every morning, I look forward to these moments when I can just lie in bed with him and be with him. Every other Saturdays are my favourite but I don't want to share my time with him with anyone else. He works shift work so he works every other weekend.

He's everything I need and everything I want, he is trying to teach me to be strong on my own, he listens but also shares his opinion on everything, he is upbeat about something but realistic about other things, he looks at everything as black and white, he spends his leisure time trying to enhance his learning through books and videos but at the same time he can sit back and chill with me and have a beer or smoke some pot and watch a stupid movie or a television series.

He goes to the gym, he watches the Pittsburgh Penguins hockey with me, he spends time with me every single night that he is home so why the hell am I afraid that this wedding is wrong?!

Why does my head make me believe that he is going to leave me when he never has, why am I so afraid of committing myself to this amazing man. When he miscarriages the first time he cried with me and the second time he stood with me as we released some balloons and said goodbye

He's so freaking amazing and I know I am so lucky to have him but between my anxiety and my depression my head says this isn't right and I keep imagining the wedding not happening, I don't know if it is because in the past 6 months everytime I got excited about something it never happened but I can't get myself excited about planning a wedding, I just keep saying I want to be his wife, or I imagine just leaving him at the alter. It make me feel like a horrible person because he has done nothing to deserve any of this, he has been the most amazing person through all my insecurities, my constant tears and my doubts.

It would absolutely destroy him if I left him and the last thing I want to do is hurt him like that.

But if we postpone the wedding, that a lot of money we lose from what we already put into it plus our families I can't deal with this questions and it is a small wedding, 26 people, a ceremony at town hall and then a reception at my parents place. And there are times when I see him in my head waiting for me at the alter or taking photos and just being the two of us and it makes me so excited plus the longer we put it off the bigger it is going to get and I want to marry him, I want to be his wife, it just the wedding doesn't feel like mine anymore.

And 24/7 I am constantly asking myself, is he the one, do I want to do this, and I sure, do I really love him, do I want to spend my whole life with him, and 99% of the time the answers are yes, the answers are only no when I am at the point of exhaustion. But why do I need to constantly reassure myself and check in? Any one have a suggestion on stopping that or anything else I have said. 

[nh_user_963132]

Nicole

We all feel the same leading up to a marriage, I was a confirmed Bacheler and I seemed to walk blind into getting engaged then married. We went on Honeymoon and I think I was still in shock because then I had to consider the person sitting next to me for the rest of my life.It was the same during several months before the same way you feel. No-one can say if you are going to be happy together for sixty years hopefully, that is all up to the both of you and you will send many years together and never know eachother fully, that is the joy of Marraige.

It sounds like you are both on the right track, only you and partner know how you get on.

We have been together now for forty years and we are at peace together. One thing you need to understand, Never go to bed arguing, and never wake up still giving hell. Make up with smile and a kiss before the night and morning.

Try not arguing about families parents etc, stand up in the same corner and never take sides outside the marriage, be of the same mind and work together, you will both be a very strong force together.

Good luck on the Day, be hapy together. You will hoefully have a long journey ahead of you

BOB

 

[nh_user_998356]

There are no guarantees in  this life. Many people do feel apprehensive before getting married.  It's important to remember that each person needs to give 100% to the relationship. He sounds like a great guy. It's difficult to find someone who is so dedicated and loving.

 Besides the wedding plans, with other things in life do you constantly have to have reassurance or question your decisions? 

 if so, then it's also playing a part in your decision to get married. 

 is there anyway you can speak with a relationship counselor before the wedding? They could get deeper into this and help you understand better why you are struggling with this. 

But  maybe if you do have generalized anxiety, you could be overthinking this and perhaps some fear is mixed in with it. Fear is common with anxiety and so is overthinking .  

 if two people are truly in love, they can work through anything. The main thing is mutual respect, giving each other space, honesty, trust, and don't forget to laugh together !!   Be each other's best friend! Have each other's back's! 🌸🌸🌸