Hi! Im Hanna,
I have always been a shy person ever since i was a little girl, i wasn't shy enough for people to think it was a problem though so everything was fine.
But then i have noticed that over the last few years i have been feeling terrified to walk into a local shop, or walk to some places in case someone talks to me on the street. I am so terrified of social events like weddings, birthday parties etc.. because i don't want to humiliate myself. I am so scared that i will that i almost feel like im going to be sick. I knew that this wasn't right becuase most teenagers love going to parties and me? I sat in my room all day and did nothing, but the thing was i felt content in my room, where noone could see me or talk to me. I dont even like talking to some people i dont know very well on the phone! So i looked online and found a NHS page about something called SAD or Social Anxiety Disorder. I read it through and realised that i could relate to what was on the page. But there was one thing i couldnt which was Panic Attacks i have never had them, nor did i wish to have one.
3 days ago i went to a family wedding-- yes i was very scared of going as you always do not know half the people there because that is the grooms family. A room full of unfamiliar and famililiar faces --- GREAT.
I have a nut allergy, well to hazelnuts and peanuts. There was some food and so i got a little bit because i wasn't feeling up to eating loads. I began eating when i found in the rice what looked to have been a peanut. I ran to my mum and asked her and she tried it and said that it was just a Walnut. A Walnut-- one nut i had not tried yet but i didn't eat any nuts just in case. Immediantly after she said it my throat began to numb up and become dry and hoarse, like in a reaction They got me a drink and i gulped it down. An hour later my throat felt better but i couldn't get it out of my mind. I remembered what happened when i came into contact with a peanut and remember the horror of my skin just growing-- it was very scary. I started to get cold shakes and i was sweating. I then started with the hyperventilating and my claustriphobia kicked in and i felt the need to run, but my Social Anxiety type of thing wouldn't let me. I was too afraid of drawing attention towards myself. So i sat there trying to calm myself down when the tears kicked in. I was uncontrollably crying, until my uncle found me. He took me outside and told me to try and focus on my breathing. I was thank ful, he was the only person that day not to tell me to calm down! When people say that all i think is easy for you to say! But i couldnt focus on my breathing all i could focus on was the feeling that i was going to die. I couldn't speak, or breath. I was in a strange place, probably no where near a hospital and all of it came together and i just had a huge panic attack on the street. I still have a bad headache from that night which might be due to stress, Im scared of it happening again.
By the way, i got the courage to speak to my parents about my Social problems and about what i found on the internet and they pushed it into my face and told me i was stupid and thats why i don't like social situations, so thanks for the support guys, but then there older, so im putting it out to you guys, am i stupid? Do you think i might have something else?
Thankss for reading