I know this is probably a long shot but I just wanted to see if anyone else has gone through a similar situation as me.. my anxiety/depression right now is based on me thinking I'm going to be gay or that maybe I am gay. I am not sexually attracted to other women but for some reason there's a voice in my head telling me that I am going to be gay. I am madly in love with my fiancé and he has been super supportive through all of this but I just feel like I'm going mad. In my heart of hearts, I knobim not and I love him and can wait to marry him (I was ready after nine months of dating lol) but I can't let this thought/rumination go and it's killing me inside. Three weeks ago, my life was perfect and now all of a sudden, I can't get that thought out of my head. I want to get back to my normal life/relationship.
Hey it's not something I experience myself but it sounds a lot like homosexuality OCD, or HOCD. It doesn't mean you're gay or homophobic, it's just an irrational fear. Maybe you thought everything was so perfect something had to be wrong and tricked yourself into believing that this was it? If it wasn't this, it would be something else.
i find that with obsessions, the more you ruminate and give credibility to your fears, the greater their hold on you becomes. I also think that forcefully trying not to think about it can often you ruminate even more. Something that I find helps is imagining your intrusive thoughts as an immature teenage boy trying to upset you over the Internet, or imagine them coming from someone you find completely ridiculous. This helps you to laugh them off and realise how unrealistic they are.
It's not easy but OCD is beatable. A therapist can help you much better than I can as I'm not a mental health professional, but I can tell you that I completely believe that you will regain control. Best wishes, and congrats on your upcoming marriage!
Hi,
I've been struggling with this for months now, unfortunately, so I completely understand your struggle! I would definitely advise you to research HOCD, reading the stories of other people going through similar feelings can calm you down when you're at your deepest point.
OCD makes you question everything because the anxiety your feeling needs to attach itself to something and so can be triggered from completely irrational things and situations in your everyday life. This will just be another fear it's questioning, I don't know how to help you because I'm still suffering myself and I question myself every day over sexuality and many other things. It's gotten to a point where I struggle to find the attraction I used to have for guys because I'm too anxious it's not going to be there. OCD is all consuming and I'm still trying to fight my way through it so sorry I don't have a cure but just remember there are other people going through the same experience and hopefully that will give you a bit of reassurance as it does for me. x