Its almost like I dont want to be here anymore... My health anxiety is taking over me Im convinced I have an oral std, Hiv Aids & mouth cancer.. I had blood work done like 2 weeks ago doctor told me my results are good but I feel like shes missed something.. This is making me feel depressed also I cry non stop I just want to feel normal & have someone who understands I feel like what if Im gone I wont have to deal with this but I want to live my life but I cant After bein convinced that I have oral stds and Hiv aids Ive been having these red marks in my lips they look like I bit myself but I havent... Im going crazy my mind plays scenarios of doctors telling me im hiv positive and have oral stds....
Sweetheart, you are ill. But its not cancer or aids, it's anxiety. It's a mental illness but an illness none the less.
There are over 40 million Americans alone who suffer from some form of mental illness...thats just America. There's nothing not normal about it, you are not alone.
You are young and you can beat this but you have to be the one to make that choice.
If you choose to google symptoms, you will continue to feel worse. If you seek reassurance, it'll only ease your mind in the short term but you'll become dependant on it. If you feed your triggers, body scanning, googling, your thoughts...because they are thoughts, all your tests have come back fine to date, if you feed these, it'll grow.
I'm so sorry that this is taking over your teenage years. And i so badly want to say nothing bad will ever happen to you ever but no one can predict that. What i can tell you that i suffered health anxieties when i was young and again relapsed the last few years and i'm still here. I've thought i was going to die countless times and i'm still here. I've thought so many times what if i go to the doctors and they miss something or what if i don't go and i should have....but i am still here. My therpist shared with me they had skin cancer...over 12 years ago. She's still here. HIV is horrible but it's no longer the death sentence it used to be, we've advanced so much over 35 years.
I've wasted so many opportunties in life from being scared and hoping other people can fix my problems. But only i can...and i really hope that you make that choice to embrace life, because i wouldn't want anyone to feel like i did. It may mean the next few months will be tough, you'll have to work really hard at your therapy, maybe even take medication in the short term to help. But it's the anxiety you need to address.
Please, seek therapy, do be open about how you are with your friends & family so that they can be your support circle but believe in yourself to nake that change. Try the techniques, next time you have a thought that you have for example mouth cancer, tell yourself 'I am having a thought that i have mouth cancer'. Or if you play out a worse case scenario, draw your attention to that thought. Because thats all it is right now, a thought.
Find this book 'Help me, im a hypochondriac' by Philip Martins. It's been written by someone who has been through everything you have. Stay strong xx
Thank you Caz, I really appreciate it take care 💕