Hello I’m on this forum community chat that I barely discovered today. I want to talk about how I’ve been feeling. I was raised with parents fighting and my mom lived in Mexico mostly my whole life and my dad Was always working I feel like I’ve been living like a turtle my whole life I’ve been bullied good chunk of my life maybe around nine through 13 years old I just had many disturbing events happen in my life every day is full of anxiety and depression I feel like I’m right on the edge and that every single day goes by I’m moving centimeters off the edge I know that I’m not going crazy and I know the meaning of life but I just find myself with no ambition or will in life I’m 19 I have two close friends one I don’t talk to anymore the other I’d still do talk to but our relationship isn’t that good well I mean it is but any day could go to s**t I live with my dad and my brother my sister stays as she pleases right now she’s living at Her cousins house and my other sister which I love very much is dorming at UCR I have a pretty good life I got a brand new car Nissan Sentra 2017 which my dad got me for graduating high school basically I’m a turtle I bottle all my emotions almost all the time I can’t even be in public without my Anxiety meter going off the chart I don’t know what’s happening to me I know I’m a normal person I just feel so lost I don’t know what this is if it’s genetic or if I’m just too worried but it really feels like I’m losing my mind I’m going fully lunatic and anxiety meter going off the chart I don’t know what’s happening to me I know I’m a normal person I just feel so lost I don’t know what this is if it’s genetic or if I’m just too worried but it really feels like I’m losing my mind I’m going fully lunatic in sane I feel like if I conquered my anxiety and depression and I managed to control them to where they don’t affect me anymore my life will be normal and I will start making friends and building a career and life and maybe soon even my own family But this anxiety is affecting my friends my family my future peers and I can’t even go to college school without feeling terrified I have no sense of humor throughout the day this is how bad it’s affecting me any advice from a professor or somebody who’s had recent experience will help I know I will be OK I just need some advice I really want to start feeling like this it’s really ruining my life sorry for the whole essay I just did but Any help will help thank you
You’ll be ok bro 
See a psychiatrist and psychologist. They can help. Good luck.