Usually, I wake up with a strong heartbeat n started to question, “should I go to school tdy”. Sometimes, I can get on the class on time, but sometimes I try to do everything to be late. In class, I can concentrate sometimes, but sometimes not. Usually thoughts keep running on my head and I feel weird abt myself. What’s worse, I have once vomited before the lecture, left during the lecture n skipped the classes. I felt so tired all the time. Whenever I back home, I tend to lie down on my bed. Even I slept a lot, I still felt not energetic to do everything. I started to skip deadlines n probably did receive a lot of hate from grpmates. But, I couldn’t explain to them what’s happening.
Even someone reaches their hands to me, I just want to be in this condition. Not feeling low, but losing the emotion. Only 3 days, I got my feelings of being so low and so happy.
The worst suitation is that everything becomes so irritating to me. Like when I tried to listen the music, I shut it down. When I saw a classmate, all I need is just saying a ‘hi’, but I tried to walk away to other route to avoid it. I don’t want to talk to anyone, even my family members.
With everything overwhelming me, like I can’t handle anymore, sucidal thoughts pops up. When u see a car, u want to be hit. When u saw a prank video, people’s reaction of someone lost his head, I want to be the one.
Counsellor, social workers and teachers asked me to visit the psychiatrist. Yet, I’m not sure. I feel like it’s only my fault, my personality, my thoughts. N, it will get better soon. Like every student, they did need to go though the same things.