Anxiety deteriorated relationship with parents. Don't know what to do.

Mental health
1

Not quite sure where to start with this so I'll just throw things in as they come to me..

The main issue I think is my ability to manage to avoid people in my house, which has become incredibly problematic and being able to say I don't know and trying to think of reasons I can throw in as to why I do it I struggle, get pushed into a corner and lose most times.

My Dad's girlfriend (Jen for the sake of a name) has it fixed in her mind that everything I do is all planned like I'm a criminal mastermind who wants to disrupt the family as much as possible by avoiding people where I can. An example would be this weekend where Jen's family came round, and I managed to avoid speaking to them my either not being in or being in my room, and I was only really in or awake for one of the days, which was the last. I then got slaughtered for this and when asked why I did it.. I don't know? I couldn't? I didn't really want to? It didn't feel right to me for whatever reason, although I knew it was wrong, I don't have any excuses or reasons, and somehow I turn everyone against me, by literally doing nothing, and being told they don't (Jen's family) feel welcome because of me, although I didn't even see them. 

Other things include I think to much about things, something that happened a week ago, if I see them that thing could potentially still be bothering me although forgot about everyone else. 

My mood can fluctuate wildly, and I can easily be put from a great mood to a down mood all by myself, although I generally just don't try to show emotion when put down..

Not to sure what else to add to this, so yeah, would appreciate what people think, thanks!

2

When you are anxious your body is overwhelmed with Stress and Stress hormones.  That kind of makes your moods fluctuate.  The answer lies in balancing the stress hormones in your body through exercise and relaxation.   If you are relaxed you can let go of other people's issues - they really won't matter as much to you when you are relaxed and calm.  

3

Adam, 

i dont one wish to pry but can I ask your age? How you feel sounds like you may have a disorder but as I am not a doctor I'm not going to put labels to your feelings. I only ask your age because I think you need to speak to a GP about this but obviously if you are a minor this will involve your parents. I know that saying "speak to them and tell them how you feel" is what you may expect people to say but I'm 40 and I find it hard to tell family about my feelings. Writting down your feelings can help, not only if you let your family read it but it will also help your GP. When I say let your family read it I mean kinda like a letter, explain that you feel you need help, explain it is not them but you are worried, they love you, they should understand but be honest and ask for their help in getting help.

i hope this helps, please keep in touch

4

Alright David, thanks for the reply,

I am 18 years old and coming up to finishing 6th form.

The problem with telling them how I feel is that I don't really know what to say, or how I actually feel. Its also increasingly hard trying to suggest things to someone who has a knack of winning arguments every single time. I have been branded a liar for things which I have lied for before, worrying about consequences and such, but then I just get called a liar for trying to suggest reasons I do things when I don't know the answer. 

Pretty sure I mentioned that I think I might have anxiety before... which was quickly shot down when asked what it even means so my mind goes half blank and cant come up with the actual definition, although knowing what it was not being able to word it, and being told I'm wrong again...

 

5

Probably should of mentioned I have more recently been able to forget about things like this by thinking it won't matter after a certain amount of time, putting things into perspective, but things can sometimes just find a way of bothering me sometimes. 

Thanks for the reply!

6

Event the people that I see who don't claim to be anxious are anxious

Mindfulness, Meditation, Self hypnosis and exercise all help reduce anxiety.  Good luck

7

Adam,

i guess right now is a tough time for you but you are old enough to go and speak to your GP, the trouble with parents (I am one) is the teenage years are sometimes a battle. Your growing as a person in your own right and parents have spent so many years controlling your life it's hard for them to let go. I would advise speaking to your GP and then asking your GP to speak to your folks. Mental health issues are still a stigma and for young people like yourself even more difficult. I would not give up on your folks though, you may not believe it but you mean more to them than you will ever know. Stay strong, be proud and don't ever give up hope

8

Adam, it truly sounds like your family environment, largely including the female girlfriend of your father, has issues that really have little to do with you, that she is causing drama and anxiety about.. While your goal only need be to go off by yourself if you need to, to lower your anciety and to get centered, so that others like the female ci.olaining, does not attempt to get you off center, with her hypersensitivities.. It does sound like your doing all you can do to survive un an emotionally, drama filled, environment that would make most any 18 year old and other ages that know better to hide out and get centered with your own energy. Its so hard enough having anxiety, which can be triggered in unhealthy environments where others whi are paranoid and accusatory attempt to make you responsible for their own issues..how crazy is that! You really dont owe explanatiins for taking care of yourself Adam, but if you want to, you can say matter if factly and unapologetically, that its nothing personal when you retreat to your room, but you will need to go there to deal with anxiety you are trying to manage. If they try to upset you further, expecting you to get off center to entertain them! we know who has the bigger problem. It does upset you though causing much distress, and I would maybe talk to your gp, to get a healthy professional persons thoughts of someone you reslect, to see what their ideas are to help you to take care of your anxiety as tio priority, in your stressful living environment. Also daily mega doses of bcomplex, with magnesium glycinate, calcium, and D3, help me immensely to deal easier, and detatch from stressful envirinments as not to absorb their negative energy into your psyche.

9

Hi Adam, 

Like David, I am not a doctor and I am a parent with 2 children.

Well, not children any more!

Both my children are now at University and both have had peronal issues; some I am sure I know nothing about because they are independent, young people now.

I don't know what you intend to do after sixth form ? I ask because it may impact on your present situation hugely. If you go away to Uni. you don't have very long to go...

However, if you do not intend to study away from home then you have to take time out to look at yourself and how you live your life. At the end of the day, you are 18, a responsible adult now and ready to face the world of responsibility.

I am not going to advise you to do anything because I am not in a position to do so; all I can do is share with you my experiences.

Life with my son growing up was fragile because I chose to get divorced from his Dad. It was an event that I had little control over but I knew I could control the lives of my children in their best interest. It took me nearly 20 years to come to terms with the marriage brekdown and I worked just as hard to keep a healthy relationship going with my children becasue I love them dearly and I knew that if I was honest with them, stood by them through thick and thin, One day they would accept me still as their Mum even after so much torment, argument and reasoning.

My son struggled the most and I want to tell you this because he soon began to feel like you...that home life became a war zone, frought with arguments, misunderstandings, apologies and more torment. THat was how it was for him....he also referred to the competitive element..."I never win a battle"....

My son got so low at Uni. that he failed 2 years of his study, tried a third time and realised that he had too many issues going on in his life to continue. We all thought career at Uni was finished.

One day he said to me, Mum, I need some time on my own, time to sort my life out. I can't do it with you and Dad.....and so, the long, quiet relationship began. I struggled but I realised how important this time in his life was. He had made an important decision, took responsibility for his actions and got on with his life. We hardly spoke.

He knew he had built up tension and evetually anger issues that only he could deal with. He visited the Counselling service at Uni., met up wuth someone in occupational health, I believe, and is starting to show positive, outward signs.

Adam, I tell you this story because he was 18 when al this began and now he is 22....and we are not even sure, he is coping but we pray that he is.

We text and so that helps us to keep in touch.

Rome wasn't built in a day.....I am certain that if you really want to make things work in your life, you will, when you re ready. My son has taken great steps in 4 years and I know he will get there, where he wants to be one day. You both have your whole lives ahead of you. You will too...be patient with your parents. It's not easy letting go.