My wife and I have been recently arguing. In part of that argument I divulged that, like her father, I believe she has an anxiety, depression, OCD complex. She dismissed my comment as a crazy assessment by an unqualified individual. Neither of us deny that her father has a full blown anxiety, depression, OC disorders. Following her dismissal of my assessment it occurred to me that no clinical psychiatrist/psychologist would ever diagnose her with an anxiety, depression, or OC disorder. In my mind that is because diagnosis is largely defined by excessively obvious indicators or an agreement between patient and professional that there is an issue. The entire diagnostic process is somewhat unscientific. Her behavior does not register as an extreme case. Yet I'm convinced that while she is not a full blown example of an anxiety, depression, OCD sufferer it does have a significant impact in producing irrational negative thoughts and behaviors that impact our lives in a real way. To say the least, I think of anxiety as a spectrum disorder with many people with valid issues simply being ignored because it cannot be easily identified by a professional. I hope someday genetics will catch up and help to inform people that there are real issues, but for now I'm stuck. So, was I wrong to point out to my wife that she likely has an anxiety, depression, OCD complex? She is obviously offended, but to me it is true that she lies in the upper plane of the anxiety, depression, OCD spectrum, albeit under the current diagnosis threshold.
Heres what I would say, if your wife does indeed have these issues thwy will in all likelihood continue to get worse and at some point she may get to the realization that she needs help. This is something that is personal however and the odds that she will be receptive to your suggestion, especially on the heels of arguing, is slim to none.
I would back off of the diagnosing and address specific actions you may feel are a detriment to your marriage. Frame them as things that need to change for the health of your marriage and be willing to address your own actions as well. If and when you would ever bring this up again it would best to do it in a loving/supportive manner when she feels less attacked. Otherwise it will be met with nothing but resistance.
Thanks. We basically agree. Sadly there is no good way to communicate this sort of issue to almost anyone, including someone with firsthand experience with a father with known issues. It remains frustrating to not be able to help her much.