Anxiety is back and worse than ever, starting to feel hopeless

Mental health
1

Hi everyone! I made a post here before but I think I put it in the wrong place, and since my journey has progressed a bit since then anyways, I thought I would go ahead and post here again. To make a long story short, I had my first panic attack when I was 11. They were sporadic at first, then eventually took over my life as a teenager. They debilitated and depressed me. Then, one day it seems they just went away. 

I am 26 now and suddenly they are back and my anxiety is worse than ever. There are no breaks, it is on my mind constantly. I am lightheaded, feel detached from reality, my feet and palms are sweaty, I feel numb and tingly, and I feel my heart skip beats as well as occasional jabs in my chest around my heart. Sometimes I feel like the floor is moving or dropping out from under me, or like my head is swimming. When I have a complete attack, these feelings get worse. I am so scared to even live my life anymore because I am scared of fainting and/or dying, especially driving in the car when those awful feelings of unreality hit me and it seems like I could lose control. The detached/unreal feeling scares me more than anything and is a big trigger for me to freak out.

I have seen my GP and she did full bloodwork on me and assured me I am fine, she listened to my heart and said it was fine and when I went to the ER when these first cropped up again, they were very dismissive of it being heart troubles and were set on it being anxiety. But there is still fear in me. 

My GP has put me on Buspar, and I just completed my first week on it. I have heard it can take a few weeks to kick in, but I am getting so desperate and I feel so hopeless and like my life will never be the same again. She started me on 15mg twice a day and yesterday she had me started taking 4 pills, so 60mg total. She also gave me Klonopin that I am supposed to use for extreme attacks. I have had to take about one a day the past week.

I saw a therapist for the first time yesterday, but it was mostly paperwork and introductory things. She wants to try EMDR therapy on me which I am open towards, but I am scared of not even making it that far, if that makes sense. I constantly feel like I am on the edge of death or losing my mind and I have such a hard time focusing on anything but my thoughts. Before these suddenly came back, I was at the prime of my life - I went to the gym every day and drove all over the place and I have a job I love. Now I'm afraid to drive down the street, and going to work is terrifying. 

Any help, advice, or reassurance would be so appreciated. I have cut out caffeine in the past day, and I am starting magnesium and calcium vitamins as well. I am just desperate to be myself again.

Thank you for your time.

Blessings,

Whitney

2

Hang in there!!! I know it is easier said than done, you are on the right path to a treatment plan that works for you, keep going!!! Yes, you need to give the medications time to get into your system and do what they need to do. I am not sure I agree with the Klonopin for a rescue drug, I'm in FL and am guessing by your use of GP that you are in the UK or somewhere in Europe, so maybe it is used differently there. I was on klonopin, one in the morning and one at night, because it is a longer acting drug than xanax, which is considered a short acting rescue drug here. Klonopin stays in your system longer to keep you more even throughout the day where as xanax goes to work quickly, like if you were having an attack, but doesn't last long. Maybe talk to your doctor about taking the klonopin regularly instead of only in an "emergency", but like I said medication maybe used differently where you are. Caffeine is a big no-no but also try and see if you have any food triggers as well, I know with myself I have acid reflux/GERD and if I eat the wrong things it flares up and then my anxiety kicks into overdrive. I think you will definitely benefit from therapy/counseling so make sure you give it a fair shake too. Best of luck!!!

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Hi Rachel, thank you so much for replying. I am actually in the U.S. too! I used GP because I saw others using it and thought it was the preferred shorthand, haha I have my next appointment with her on Thursday (she wants to see me every 2 weeks as she begins me on the medication) so I will ask. I was prescribed a short supply of Xanax when I went to the ER, but it didn't have much of an affect (it was a low dose).

4

Coincidence I had anxiety at 11 too and is back at my 26 too, I'm on sertraline 25mg, started with 50 mg for 2 days but I had a panic attack so I called my dr, he said to lower to 25 so that's where I'm at , im about to take my 7th 25mg right now, in my case is working little by little but I'm better than I was in the first days hope it gets better for all of us suffering this, I beat it once naturally and I have hope I will beat it again faster with this drug, also my sister is going through the same, but hers is panic attacks she's on sertraline too and I saw it helped her a lot .. good luck to everyone 🙂