Anxiety is defining me, I don't know who I am anymore ...

Mental health
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Hi guys,

I would just like to share my experiences with ongoing panic/anxiety attacks for 4/5 weeks now!

I was diagnosed with depression in my early 20's which in itself is a daily battle, have learned to live with it (with long term medical help from my GP)

But a month ago, I have been undergoing some tests and been frantic with worry and this has sent me into an extreme anxiety turmoil and I have been admitted to hospital 3 times in the space of 3 weeks for Medical attention and not to mention all my visits to my GP and hospital appointments investigating my health.

Last week I visited my GP 3 times!! Lol

Anyway I was admitted to hospital today as I had what seemed at the time a life threatening condition, I had convinced myself I was having a heart attack or a mini stroke!

2 weeks ago I was admitted for suspected mini stroke which turned out to be a panic attack!

This has been hell, My ECG was clear, took me about 4 hours to recover thou, so it bugs me when you read about panic attacks online it says they only usually last 20-30 mins!!!

Mine is constant ... The nurse had to repeatedly reassure me that I wasn't going to die and I will get past this but this is what I experience.. I don't want anyone to ever suffer like I have been and worry there symptoms are something serious because today I thought I was going to die.. !

I stupidly thought I was well enough to go into work, (I work in a care home, so I thought if I have another attack,

The care team will be aware and will know what to do)

Biking to work, felt like I was over exerting myself and I even felt wobbly on my bike... but me being me, I believed I could fight it and I wud be ok.

Just half an hour after my shift, I felt all weak again, it was overwhelming like the blood wasn't going to my brain and I had to sit down for half an hour.. I was shakey and weak with tremor.

I confided in a few of my work colleagues who were trying to calm me down but I just couldn't get my breath back..

I felt paralysed to the chair, I could move, I couldn't even go to the toilet (I wet myself)

Half an hour passed and a nurse came down to assist me and offered to take my blood pressure which was sky high which sent me into further panic..

An hour later I was still feeling too weak to stand up and walk.

Somebody drove me to the hospital and 3 hours later following a ECG and a chest examination and a good long chat with one of the nurses who reassured me, I felt normal enough to leave and go home..

Going to Doc's Tomor morn to be signed off and for some different medication.

I am currently taking 150mg Sertraline and they are not helping with my anxiety at all..

What a complete hysterical mess I am!

Feeling pathetic and dreading the next attack! Xxx

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Oh I forgot to mention the numbness in my face, and weakness mainly on my left side which is why I believed I was having a stroke a fortnight ago..

and blurred vision and dry mouth! Xx

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Hi Zoe I feel for you ever since my first panic attacks in April I have had every physical Symtoms under the sun shortness of breath tight chest tingles all over my body weird chest pains sweating trembling there present constantly 24/7 since that day in April my life has been total hell to live, like you said there im at my GPs every week feeling unwell and examined by 4 5 different docs there but had no tests have like you have which is what worries me I'm there tomorrow so going to push them for tests etc. If your tests came out of ok you have nothing to worry about its just your brain and anxiety playing tricks on you.

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Hi Luke, Thank you for your reply.. I am awaiting a Head CT Scan (as Inwas experiencing headaches) which is terrifying me as I convinced it's something sinister! ;-(

They only really do an ECG if you go to the medical unit and you really need medical care.

I was Hysterical so they had to assist me but I haven't been as bad as I was today .. ;-(

Do you take medication? I need to try something else x

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Bless you I feel for you it's awful to live with everyday it is for me anyway, I get headaches to sometimes I wake up with them which really worries me, Yeah I take mitrazpine for panic disorder I've tried loads of other ones to but that works best for me you on any meds? x

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Oh I totally understand how you feel. I fear heart attacks 24/7.. I just got off a 6 day long panic episode, had an ok day yesterday and now it's back again today.. Those panic attacks that completely consumes you are the worst. I had those when I first started off with My anxiety, I went to 3 different emergency rooms in 2 weeks because I was convinced they were missing something.

As dumb as it sounds, it really helps sometimes when your symptoms begin to say outloud "I know this isn't real and I know I'm not dying". You'll feel almost empowered and the anxiety will slow fade.

Another thing that really helps me is counting backwards by threes from 100. It calmed me down with 5 minutes.

I never understood how people only have panic attacks for 20 minutes at a time.. Lucky them!!!

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Also something that night help you is to look up symptoms of panic disorder.. Sometimes when I have a bad one I look online and can say ok that, that and that I have right now, so ok this is just my body being anxious.

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I am currently taking Sertraline 150mg, but I am going back to my GP today to see if they will change them as Sertraline are not helping with my anxiety at all.. but my GP is so reluctant to change them as I am Asthmatic and she doesn't want me to experience more problems like fitting! Is this true? Beta blockers can trigger fitting? Why won't she give me something stronger?

On my 3rd visit to my GP last week, I was in a severe emotional state and was begging for some Diazepam or something to ease my symptoms but I was taking Steroids at the time (for my chest, I was experiencing terrible tightness & breathing difficulties) but she wouldn't prescribe me anything!

I have completed the course of steroids now so she can't say no can she?

Feeling desperate, I know I have to trust my doctor and they do know best but I can't be expected to suffer can I ? X

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Thank you! ;-)) Yesterday just felt so so real and serious ! X

Nobody could calm me down, I couldn't even get up and go to the toilet, I felt paralysed to my chair, it felt like the blood wasn't going to my brain, I was overwhelmed with fear and weakness! I could only just manage a few sips of water, my mouth felt that dry!

The whole episode lasted 4/5 hours ... only until I got the all clear at A&E, I was able to feel slightly normal again! X

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I can so relate to you. I started many years back with horrible panic attacks. Lasted for years. Got somewhat better for while. Now it's a 24 hr thing worry, fear, something wrong with me. Been to doctor, hospital everything ok. But I get these weird hot flush inside feel dizzy almost like a could collapse. I have been on celexa for 2 wks not a lot of changes. I wish u well I know it's a tough road for us.

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you wont do well with beta blocker at all not with asthma. Its all different how they treat you. You have to trust the doctor. And no pills cures an anxiety disorder. Its to calm it down and short term. 

This is a very very difficult time for you. Its the negining of it all and that hands down is horrific and a bit traumatizing. Believe it or not after time has passed..takes months you will realize fear is its food. 

You need a very knowledgable psychiatrist because of your asthma and anxiety. Its very very helpful for your sanity to be in therapy. If you have anyway to get to a holistic therapist or find one in your area i would highly recommend it for you.

They  have anxiety workbooks on line all of them are good.

wish you all the best. Im so sorry what you are experiencing. It is so awful and debilitating. At some point you will figure this all out, you will. But i know from my own journey it takes time. And its not that they want you to suffer asthma complicated treating this for you.

 

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Beginning*

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Thank you Sheila... Had another one today, thought I was going to collapse, I loose all sensation to my body.. I have no strength to do just the slightest thing.

I'm just lying down now just feel so so weak xx

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Thank you Lisa x Yeah I do trust my doctor, Unfortunately where I'm based, they don't have a psychiatrist, my GP is pushing CBT but have tried it before and I felt it was too direct, too much paper work and my Therapist would record our sessions and it put me off! And the weekly sessions were a big commitment and commuting myself to the same day, same appointment slot every week was exhausting and she would ring me/text me and pressure me..

She didn't understand that I worked, work different shifts and to commit to the same appointment slot every week is difficult, I felt worse not better! ;-)

However I did meet a lovely Lady at Mind? Have you heard of them?

Was more relaxed, and it wasn't so Direct and if some days I was too poorly to go it wasn't a problem..

Thank you for being so understanding and supportive xx