anxiety is persistent - no more panic attacks though?

Mental health
1

Hello,

So I am not new to anxiety and panic attacks sadly however after two years there are just some sensations I can't shake at all and having a hard time explaining to people what is wrong. 

First off, I have been incredibly bad with anxiety last year after a stress breakdown and after multiple tests and trips to A&E, it was definitely anxiety. I never really tried medication to control it, but more let it run its course (I was so bad, any new sensation sent me over the top - shakes, panic attack state etc). I lost a lot of weight and strength, so the past year I have focused on eating properly (I could have eaten maybe once a day if I was bad) and training gently in the gym. 

My weight has improved greatly, initially went from 76kg to 61kg and boy I felt it. Now back to 70kg and rising slowly. My energy has been coming back slowly

Work was causing a great deal of anxiety and depression, so I have dropped to part-time. Financially it's difficult but we are coping and I am taking a part-time masters course to give me the options in the future for a career change. My job is still depressing but it's supportive and financially stable while at uni so I'd be stupid to leave regardless of mental state. 

The problems I have though is that my anxiety is still very bad and I am dreading coping at the university. I didn't have an anxiety disorder first time around, thankfully!

I can't even describe how I feel, it's like everyday I am disconnected, my vision is hazy, eyes hurt (though tested fine in everything), concentration is poor and memory. I feel like I am constantly shaking, jittery and just a general sense of malaise. A lot of fatigue and balance issues as well. 

I hold myself so rigid constantly that I have a developed a lot of facial pain from grinding and neck pain. Headaches play a daily part as well thanks to this tension. 

The newest problems for me is that my emotional health has plummeted. I wouldn't say I am depressed int he senses that I am functioning fine, I go to work, uni, out with my partner. But I am stress out, when alone I keep getting an overwhelming sense to just break down and cry. It's frustrating as nine times out of 10, nothing is wrong! it just seems to be relieving stress or frustration. 

Has anyone managed to get back to "normal" ish health without the use of anti-depressants because my therapist (and GP) has basically said I should be on Sertraline until I am at an emotionally "stable" place to deal with my issues whatever they may be? 

Background - I am 26, healthy otherwise. 

 

 

2

Hi Thomas,

I feel for you. What you're experience is i believe derealisation or depersonalisation. It causes us to feel cut off from reality and gives you those feelings of being hazy, poor concentration etc. It comes from spending so much time focusing inwards; so on yourself, how you are feeling, whether you are feeling ok or panicked or anxious, you almost lose touch with reality and what is actually going on around you.

Depression also goes hand in hand with anxiety, just remember that its okay not to be okay. Your body has been through some major stressors so needs time to heal. It is perfectly possible to heal without the use of anti depressants, as many people do. Although taking them is nothing to be ashamed of, it shouldn't make you feel like you have failed in any way, its just a little push that you need to help you deal with whatever issues you have.

I am on Citalopram (another SSRI like Sertraline) and i found it really helped just pick me up that little bit and gave me the drive to want to get better. It is obviously a personal choice however.

Hope you feel better soon.

3

Sounds like they are on the right track with the meds, but not quite there yet. May just be a matter of raising your dosage or maybe getting switched to another med entirely. Have you tried B vitamins ? They help with anxiety and stress. Anyway, talk with the doctor and got to come clean with him or her. It really is a guessing game for them as everyone is different and reacts differently to certain meds. 

4

Thank you,

The doctor has asked me to try citalopram to see if it helps. I might try some. I know I can take 6 weeks though to take effect. How have you found dealing with the side effects?

I suppose the scary feelings for me is the dizziness and shakes, even stood up it feels like the floor is physically moving under my feet.

Also had a steroid injection yesterday which hasn't helped at all. No winning!

5

You're welcome. My experience with them has been fine, first week or so was a little rough but nothing crazy. You do read a lot of horror stories online about the side effects people say they get but i try and remember that its only the minority and they all share their bad experiences, not many people share good experiences. Cit helped with my anxiety and helped slow my mind down so i could deal with it better. Dizziness and shakiness is also common! Have you tried Propranolol? Its a short acting Beta-Blocker that calms panic & anxiety. Works within an hour or so then wears off, really tolerable by most people and obviously not an anti depressant which can be hard to come off of sometimes.