Well, Im sorry if this is wrong section to post in and Im an American so sorry for some American terms. Its taken alot for me to do this so here we go...
Little back story: Ive been suffering with this since I was about 6 or 7. Im 17 now and am really tired of it. Now that I know more about it, its making me not want to suffer anymore. I had just typed about 2 paragraphs of back story but hit the back button so lost it all :D. This all started out as just a tummy ache when I was young. Made me stop eating for a month so had the be put on an IV. Over the years it as "evolved" for lack of a better term....
Fast forward a few years:
At the age of about 12-14, the tummy aches became extreme nausea and gut wrenching feelings. For those years it made it where I could leave home without feeling nervous. Then it stopped...
when I was 15, it just kinda went away. No clue why. No diet changes or environment changes but that was just for a short time. About a year later, it came back full force. Eating out with family and friends was impossible. Movies were hard but if I smelled any food I would spiral into bad anxiety attack.
Now present day:
At the start of summer ( which is end of May for us here in America), I decided I was gonna get past this. So went to the doctor. Got their and knew ahead of time I was gonna be nervous but boy was I wrong. After about 30 sec in their, my heart raced to 136 bmp ( Galaxy S5 has a heart rate monitor). I was having the worst attack i have ever had. After talking to him and giving this condition a name ( Agoraphobia), I then gave it power. Its like once I recognized I had something wrong with me, I gave it ability to control me. I could not go anywhere. He wanted me to see a psychiatrist but the day before the appointment, I was at the eye doctor and my father texted me to remind me about the appointment. Immediately my heart raced to 130 bmp so I had to cancel the appointment due to not being able to take 2 attacks back to back.
So with all that venting, what do yall say? School starts back for me in a few days and im not that nervous about that but im in a organization now and the meeting for that is killing me. Im tired of letting this rule me I refuse to back down. I have tried coping with breathing exercises and stuff but that doesnt work for me. I have tried 2 meds but both had bad side effects to me.
Hi Pyrofan. I'm sure you'll get lots of support on here My personal favourite to help with this is EMDR. It's a form of therapy that helps you process a trauma that happened when you were young that sent you on this journey. It sounds like the problems you had when you were 6 or 7 left you with some unprocessed issues (although I'm not a therapist so I may be wrong). Unfortunately to fully understand what's going on it does mean you have to visit a therapist, but as your doctor has suggested you see one already that's good. As you suffer from Agraphobia perhaps your doctor would give you the phone number of the psychiatrist and you could have a chat with them over the phone first. It may make you feel better about going to see them next time. Phychiatrists have seen it all so they won't be phased by the fact that you're worried about going in to see them (and if they are, find another one!). It's natural to feel a bit aprehensive and stressed about doing something new and most probably something you are unsure about. Remember, they are there to help you and you or your insurance will be paying them to help, so you don't owe them any favours. The pressure is not on you to 'get it right' but for them to find out how to help. The first session will only be them asking you some questions to help both of you understand what is going on so there's nothing to be nervous about and you may come out of the session feeling really good that some progress has been made. We have some TV therapists over here in the UK that say 'You weren't born with a phobia, so you need to find out what caused it and deal with it. You can get better.' And it's true lots of people do, so why not you. I hope this helped a bit.
Thanks for the reply. I dont think its a unprocessed trauma. I think its just anxiety. The funny thing is, when I get a attack I know nothing bad is gonna happen. The worst thing that could happen would be I have to use the bathroom but no matter what I tell myself, it still happens. Thanks for the encouragment. ( pardon the typos, writing on small Laptop)
That's the most annoying and frustrating thing about panic attacks, you know in your head that there's nothing to be afraid of but your body/brain just won't accept it. But that's why therapy is really good because when you're talking to someone else they have some ideas that you haven't thought of and it all starts to make sense. Anyway, I hope you manage to sort it out. Let us know if you do
The thing is, I dont wanna go see anyone about because everytime I have, its made this worse. So if I go see him, it could just increase another level and the psych wont talk to me on the phone until I see him in person. Guess he want the money for that first visit.
Sometimes you do feel worse before you start to heal. I have been helped greatly by a therapist even though I swore it wouldn't do any good. It was something about the way she asked me questions that all of a sudden the correct analogy popped into my own head and I was able to sort it out right then. I only went to prove that I was willing to go and it wouldn't help anyhow. But it did. It sounds like your life is so impacted by this that you are frozen. You absolutely must get to the place where it becomes more important to you to get yourself evaluated than hide in your house to avoid feeling bad. It may be easier for you to actually jump start this by entering into a hospital so the doctor can come to you and any testing can be done right there. You don't have to leave over and over again for every step. It may well accelerate the healing. To have this start so young makes me suspect that there is something you've experienced that is in your subconscious. It can be figured out but you have to give them access to you. By delaying it all you are just putting off the inevitable and letting these wonderful years pass by where you could really be enjoying yourself. Think about it.
Have you tried looking at any books on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? There are lots of self help books with worksheets that might be a good and easy starting point. It might help to make you feel that you are in control of making the changes yourself.
Well my childhood was pretty bad cause I lost some very close family members and some stuff happened. I got past that pretty quick though. I do get what you are saying about seeing someone. Just gotta make that jump but the guy is very busy so its gonna be awile before i can get it. I would rather email or talk to him but he doesnt want that.
There is a very good reason he does not want to email or speak on the phone. He needs to assess your non-verbal cues as well as verbal ones. It's not just what you say, it's your facial affect, your gestures, if you get restless, turn your back, seem to want to escape, etc. He needs to know whether he's getting warmer by your reaction even when you don't realize your giving one.
Oh that makes sense, well I got two options now. I may wait and see how school and this meeting go before trying to make a appointment. Even if I do, it would be like 2 months out.
If you can go to your local library they will most probably have a range you could look through. Or, if you do a search on Amazon. There's one called 'Overcoming panic, anxiety and phobias' that has got some good reviews. The more you read the more you will come to understand what is happening to you and will hopefully give you the strength to try other forms of help.