I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I know how anxiety can be so miserable. None of what you said sounds crazy because it's something that anxiety can do. I've had it since grade school and Im now in my 50s. However I have learned how to manage it over the years in a much better way.
everyone of your issues begins with the word fear which is something that happens when anxiety gets out of hand. Negative thinking will lead to the fear.
keep in mind that fear is worry about the future whether the near future or distant future. The future doesn't exist at this time and it is only a concept. The only thing we have is the present moment . I did the "what if" thinking for over 20 years and was fearful of just about anything that "could" happened. I literally wasted all those years of my life when I could've been enjoying myself. Fear and what if thinking are a complete waste of time!
I strongly suggest you listen to some meditations on YouTube for fear, clearing subconscious negativity, and another called detachment from overthinking.
they teach you how to overcome the negative thinking which leads to fear and basically stops your ability from moving forward and having peace of mind and enjoying your life. Listen carefully to them and use earbuds if you have them for a better effect.
there are so many meditations on YouTube for anxiety, sleeping,
if your having a real problem with this I suggest you speak with a counselor who can really help you. This is sometimes difficult to do alone and it really helps to talk to someone else who is there for you.
of course you feel tired, this way of thinking is exhausting! I've been there so I know. It's draining of the mind body and soul. You don't have to live this way. You need to take control and be a fighter for yourself!
there is a concept called mindfulness it teaches you how to live in the present moment, manage anxiety and have peace of mind and happiness. It is very popular around the world and they have a book called mindfulness online or in bookstores. It is a white box with a ball of string on the cover. Many of the audio meditations on YouTube are mindfulness meditation's for anxiety or whatever you want.
The worst thing you can do is think about your fears a lot because they will only grow worse and it will totally control you.
Our thoughts on negative thinking are not a part of us. We are not our thoughts. Thoughts are fleeting throughout the day. When you get a negative or fearful thoughts, do not try to fight it off. What you do is calmly acknowledge the thought for a few seconds, then imagine it floating off and disintegrating. Do this every time. The book teaches more about that. You have to have a "no big deal" attitude to all of this.
so, do the meditations listed above on negativity and overthinking, get counseling if you can, get the mindfulness book, practice what to do when you get a fearful or Negative thought.
don't waste your life with all these fearful thoughts. I really regret doing that and so will you. Live your life! ❤️