Hello, I am 17 years old. Two years ago, I started grammar school, and also attended music classes in a conservatoire along with it. My schedule was intense, I was coming home late and ate very little during the day. I successfuly strived to be a top student in both schools, but it was hard on my mind and body, since there was so little time for rest and relaxation. This March, I took part in the national competition for violinists, which was very stressful, and I did badly. I was very disappointed. Not long after that, a strange thing happened. When I was in class at school, I started feeling really weird. Sort of surreal, like I was losing control of myself in a physical sense. I thought "what if I faint", but I didn't. I felt really weird, tense and nervous for the rest of the day. I was shaking, and my mind and body felt restless. It was bad, and I was freaking out because I had no idea what was happening to me. I had to force myself to lay still in bed for ten minutes so that I was calm enough to be able to fall asleep. I felt better the next day, and after that, I began to function normally again. The strange sensations didn't come back for a couple of months, and I had completely forgotten about them. Then, after I completed my second year this year, came the summer holidays. I was looking forward to finaly getting some rest. But when I was on holiday with my family, it stroke again. I just randomly started feeling nervous, tense, uneasy, restless, afraid, but I had no idea why and what of. It was really hard to describe the feeling, but I guess these adjectives provide the best possible description in words. I went on a walk and it got better, but it returned the next day at some point, this time more like feeling I was going to lose control and faint. But I didn't faint. I don't know if it's related, but I had a mild, but persistent stomach uneasiness for the rest of the day. Then, the next few days on holiday, all was ok. Like nothing had happened. It returned on the day we were driving home, in the car. It was horrible, I felt so tense and uneasy but I didn't know why, I wanted to scream and cry it out.
It's been two months since then, and I've been getting these strange moods on and off ever since. I could be feeling fine as ever for days, and then nervous, tense, uneasy for no identifiable reason for days. When I manage to distract myself, it's usually all fine - on a day when I am not feeling fine, I could be chatting and laughing with friends, playing the violin or doing schoolwork, and realizing I had completely forgotten about my weird feelings. But when I have no distraction, and even if I'm feeling normal, I am often monitoring myself and obsessing over what I'm feeling or what if the odd mood returns. I've read about my symptoms and have come across anxiety disorders, but then again I'm not scared and nervous about every situation, seeing it as dangerous. I don't go to school and fear I will get run over by a car, I don't have such irrational fears, I just find myself worrying and feeling irritated about the weird feelings I'm experiencing. I know, strange, I am nervous for being nervous. But when my strange feelings are around, events around me usually do not affect them. I don't avoid crowds, being alone, going out with friends, or doing certain things, because I know it won't worsen anything. It anything, I seek distraction, because I feel like I can't properly relax anymore, like just lay on the sofa and do nothing without feeling tense for no identifiable reason. The thought that perhaps haunts me the most is the "What if I am going to deal with this forever". I'm very scared of not being able to fully be my old-self and enjoy life anymore.
Another thing that I think I should add. Around the time when all this began, I had obssesive health worries. First, due to some weird head pain, I was afraid of a brain tumor, and the first time I suffered from these sensations at school in March, I was devastated and panicky because it added to my brain tumor symptoms list. In summer, when the sensations stroke again, I worried about having Crohn's disease due to weight loss and some abdominal problems, and I spent a large part of my days nervously googling symptoms, which usually left me in panic. It got so far one day that I felt physically ill when reading another alarming prognosis for the disease. However, I went to see the doctor and she managed to calm me down, all my test results were perfect, and she assured me I didn't have Crohn's. I haven't obsessed about it since, but my strange feeling haven't gone away, so the only worry occupying my mind right now is this anxiety or whatever I'm experiencing. This was a very long post, but if anybody has any ideas about what might be happening to me, what to do, or just anything relevant, please share. I am trying to figure out what is happening to me, why, and what to do, if anything. I am trying to come to the bottom of it - such a thing must have a cause and reason, even if I can't pinpoint it yet. On my list of possibilities are the two-year-long stress at school and conservatoire, and my obsession with health. Thank you.