I've been diagnosed with an anxiety/panic disorder. I'm also agoraphobic because I fear leaving my house everyday. I've seen doctors, psychiatrists, counselors, psychologists and have even taken multiple medications. I started with Celexa, later moved on to Lexapro and lastly, Prozac. The medications didn't seem to help at all. I felt as if I was poisoning my brain for no good reason, in fact when I took Prozac, it made me even more depressed than I already was. Stopping medications all together just seemed like the best decision. So I did. I've always been anxious, I can remember having anxiety in the school cafeteria in Elementary school. My anxiety, I believe, has always been there. It wasn't until 6th grade when began feeling panicky in wide open spaces like the cafeteria, gymnasium, school yard, etc. I was always uncomfortable in those situations, but never confided in anybody, I was able to push through and fight it off somehow. Although, there were times where I felt as if I were going to pass out completely. I told myself, if I can just get through middle school gym class and freshman year gym class without telling anybody about what I was experiencing, I would be okay and I would never need to speak of whatever it was I was feeling. It was odd for me. Nobody felt the way I did, at least nobody around me. People thought my behavior was odd. I don't blame them. I always seemed uncomfortable. I'm not sure where it all came from. I remember in 4th grade I choked on my food in the cafeteria and ever since then I felt nervous there, I even went to the nurse about it and she mentioned anxiety but I had no idea as to what anxiety was. I was only 9. The anxiety just disappeared eventually and 5th grade went smoothly with no anxiety at all. I loved gym class and I had no complications with the cafeteria. It wasn't until the summer I was going to enter middle school when I was at a YMCA camp, I sat on the gymnasium floor and felt an overwhelming nervousness take over my entire body. I was paralyzed and I was extremely confused as to why I was feeling this way, but I managed. I pushed through. All through camp and all through middle school. There were plenty of instances where I would have panic attacks or just feel anxious. Only I had no idea as to what it was. In 8th grade, reaching the end of my middle school career, I remember visiting the nurse almost everyday. I would call my mom and ask her to pick me up because I wasn't feeling well. Still unaware of my disorder. Nobody understood what was wrong with me. Neither did I. My anxiety was the worst it ever was when I began high school. I would avoid gym class completely. Gymnasiums were my enemy entirely. I would even black out. Gym was my very first class in the morning and would pretty much ruin my entire day. I would call my mom every morning to pick me up. She became very aggravated with me and eventually took me to the ER where they finally diagnosed me with anxiety/panic attacks. My parents were convinced that I was faking it all. In order to get out of going to school, which was quite difficult for me. My anxiety only worsened. I left all of my classes and just locked myself in bathroom stalls. I would just cry everyday. I couldn't get through a single clas without feeling uneasy. Getting ready in the morning and facing the school day became a tiring chore that I simply couldn't continue to force on myself. So eventually I refused to attend school all together and my school withdrew me. I would lie in bed. All day. I could hardly pick my head up from the pillow. I never left the house. Never spoke to anybody. I was taking Prozac at the time which I of course stopped taking after I realized it wasn't helping me at all. After months of complete and utter darkness, and little interaction with other people, the new school years was approaching and I was given the choice between attending an online school or a small charter school about 20 minutes away from my house. I wanted to just stick with online school, but my parents were worried for me and wanted me to try the charter school, so the day before school began, I decided to apply for the charter school. It wasn't too difficult for me really, the school was quite small and I did a decent job at socializing and making a few friends. The charter school helped me attend an actual school without having to plumage my way through thousands of students everyday. It was helpful, I attended almost everyday but later developed complications with relationships and found myself falling into this black hole I managed to once crawl out of. The depression was worsening my anxiety yet again and I left my charter school towards the very end of the school year. That summer I decided to get a job. I was already doing a little better and was at least able to leave my house, so I thought a job would do me well, I'd also make my own money. At first, the anxiety was very much present, there were lots of trips to the bathroom stalls when I needed to breathe and be with myself, but I did it. I worked for over 8 months. It helped my anxiety immensely. I found myself walking through wide open parking lots with a friend and although I was very uncomfortable, I was able to do what I once knew how to do best - push through. I worked nearly everyday and felt as if my life was slowly falling into place. The new school year approached and I decided to attend online school, which meant I was able to keep my job. Eventually, the job became just harrowing. My new boss was creating an uncomfortable environment for me, he was very inaprooriate and would treat my poorly so I decided I was sick of it all and simply walked out during my shift one day. Leaving my job was a difficult decision but I wanted a new job, somewhere where I would be treated with respect. I immediately applied to stores, restaurants, etc. Never got a call back. My job was what allowed me to leave my house and socialize, letting go of that was going to destroy all I've worked for if I I didn't find myself a new job. That's exactly what happened. I've been home. Constantly anxious. My father got my a job in a small boutique but not until about a month from now and I've been stuck inside my home for over 3 months now. It's difficult for me to leave. I get panic attacks at home, whether it's in my living room, my shower, or the safest place, my bed. Panic never truly leaves me really. I doubt anybody read all of this. It's quite boring, but if you even read a snippet and are experiencing what I am, please reply to my post. I would love to read your stories! I want to start a discussion not only for people with anxiety/panic attacks but also people who suffer with agoraphobia. Please reply with anything you have to say or any questions you might have for me. Thank you for reading!
I read what you wrote and my heart goes out to you. I'm sure I'm considerably older but I too have panic attacks with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).. and only recently in the last 6 months I've begun developing Agri phobia because it seems when I go out into public places that is when my panic attacks hit and I do not know why. I have spent most of my adult life dealing with the panic and anxiety so the acrophobia is a new development for me and it is a struggle I understand it is a horrible struggle, but I must push through it because I do not want to become a recluse. I do hold a full-time job which I had since I was about 16 years old and that's probably the one thing that keeps me going. But sometimes the drive to work which is 30 miles can really be daunting to me. Don't lose faith and don't lose hope just keep pushing forward and sometimes we do have to go out of our comfort zones in order to make ourselves feel better even though in the moment we feel worse. I happened to see you had just posted.
Have you tried over medicine?
I'm hoping you find one that works..i just started Zoloft 3 weeks ago & hoping it helps
Noam
I would strongly advise you talk again with your GP, you need CBT to discuss your Anxiety and Various stress triggers.
You will possibly need medications over the long term.in the first instance.
Or problem Here is we are in the UK and not in the States, let us know how you get on
BOB
I appreciate you reading what I have to say. I haven't found any medications helpful. I've heard plenty about Zoloft. If I ever decide to try another medication I'd probably try Zoloft. Hope it helps you. I try to steer away from meds. I hate depending on medication to walk out the door, you know? I've also managed to have a job for a while without any meds. I've been sitting in my bed for about 4 days now. I only leave my room to grab food from the kitchen quickly. It's difficult to even stand in my kitchen. It's awful. I'm just lying in bed. The panic comes and goes but never seems to stop for longer than an hour. My mom isn't speaking to me either, she's upset because I won't meditate. Have you found meditation helpful at all? I don't see it doing me any good. Seems like a waste of time to me.
I appreciate your advice. I'm really trying to steer away from meds. I hate depending on them and they never seem to help. I'm not sure what to do. I saw a new physiologist recently and all she really advised was to meditate. Meditation is not my thing. I don't like it and I truly doubt it will help me at all. Have you tried meditation? My current situation is quite awful. Haven't showered in days, I've been having panic attacks in the shower, does that ever happen to you? Anyways, thank you for responding to my post! x
Hi I think that different things work for different people. You may need a combination of different non drug treatments or a short course of medication combined with other therapies such as meditation which has a good press, yoga, relaxation techniques, cbt.
Drs have referred some people for hypnotherapy.
Exercise is good as it stimulates the endorphins the bodys natural pain killers and anti depressants.
Take care.
Hi again forget to say to discuss these issues with your dr. Thanks
Exercise is tough for me. I can't go to a gym because of my agoraphobia. I've tried going up and down my stairs for about 35-40 minutes but it's very boring and I have no motivation. I recently turned 17, I feel like it's very uncommon for kids my age to experience such severe anxiety. I've spoken to my doctor about these things before, he always pushes meds.
Hi again
I was thinking of exercises you can do at home.
There are masses to choose from on U tube and they are simple, not very time consuming Say 10 minutes at the most. Exercises can be dull but they are valuable in stimulating the endorphins which help you to feel motivated and relaxed.
Good luck.
Yes, I need to exercise even if it's only for 10 minutes everyday. I will begin tomorrow. Thank you for the advice. I suppose I just thought that if I wasn't exercising everyday for at least an hour, I wasn't really doing anything to get better, but that's not true. Thanks again, dear! x