Anxiety panic attacks and agraphobia my story

Mental health
1

Hi there all just want to share my storie hope it helps some people or if anyone has any help for me that would be great,

I do t really remember when I first had a panic attack but since I was about 18 I slowly stopped going long distances ie like any were more then 30 miles then over time it got worse and worse I started to avoid anything higher then 2 stories high busses crowded places cinemas stuff like that really, it was in February this year I started the short bus trip to my sisters wich is maybe 2 mile away still in the same town I got half way there then boom it kicked in I had to get of the bus and get my partner to pick me up and take me home wich I then said I am never going anywhere again and I got home but then something strange happen it still didn't stop I was back at my safe place and it still didn't stop that scared me the most i quickly downed a can of beer and made a doctors appointment and went to that the lady gave me fluoxetine and diazepam but I still to this day have not had either I was at breaking point I felt hopeless and still do some days I was told I will never get better if I don't take these tablets but I still couldn't bare to take them, 

Everyday was the mental health team coming out to me I could even let my 5 year old daughter out my sight no school no nothing I was so scared of everything even people going in holiday still makes me panic and this was all happening in my safe place I wanted to kill my self I though how am going to get through this what is the point in all this everyone would be much better of without me I still have days like this, after all this time I am have I g intense graded Pheropy which means I have to leave my house and push myself to feel the panic rise and stay in that situation untill it goes it's tiering and horrible but u feel better for it I have got further in these last couple of weeks then I have since February,

Things that help (sort of)

Don't feel sorry for your self 

Don't dwell on it

You will not get better staying in you need to push it and trust me the last thing you want to is go anywhere and re live it 

Just process the thought that this is not going away by it's self just deal with it 

Realising and just accepting it is something I wish I had done months ago 

There is no one that can help you if you don't help your self 

( YOU DONT NEED MEDS) 

No one can take the pain away or the panic apart from you belive in your self your not worthless and you can do it 

Swear at it and tell it to fxxk off 

Keep a good diet very important 

2

I agree about the medication,but I have  the greatest difficulty doing anything that involves crowded places.I do make myself go out ,but even if what I plan to do should be enjoyable,I keep thinking  that I am about to collapse so I am never able to enjoy anythig that  I do any more.

i am.much older than you and have been this way for a number of years.my main problem with all this is that I live  alone and have.no family or support around which I know would make a great difference to my wellbeing.

Glad that you are slowly feeling better.

3

I don't do anything on my own and trust me it's not always a bad thing not having people around you all the time it helps sometimes but not in others because u begin to rely on them and then even when they go out for half hour u go into complete panic and that's when your life starts to ruin there life aswell well it's like this for me anyway xx

4

Thank you so much for sharing your story.  I admire you a great deal for coping with so much.  I think I have got it bad, and then read stories like yours that inspire me.  

I stopped anti depressants last year after many years, as my doctor wanted to see how I went.  Was OK for a year, but now going down again.  I don't want to go back on medication and trying hard to deal with things.  I get stressed about the tiniest thing.  

It is hard though to live with.  You say accept it, and we have to don't we?  Not easy though.  Are you managing now?  Yes we have to help ourselves.  Wonderful to have support here