Hello guys. I'm 21 years old and still a virgin. I can't get the girl I want to love me and when they do I reject, because of my anxiety problems. I still haven't kissed a girl in my whole life. I'm too afraid to do it. Well, I'm a little bit better than back in the days. When I was in love I didn't do anything to notice that I was in love with her. Now, even If she's a friend and I love her, It takes some time but I tell her that I have feelings for her. But I'm always being rejected.When I was in school there were some girls that use to flirt on me. Even some girl, that I talked to her for some years, but then I lost interest. I'm always like that, because I'm afraid to up my level. Being like this every single time, I always end up being the good guy. The friend! But I want to up my level on my new approaches. I wanna be confident enough to kiss a girl and tell that I wanna do something sexual with her.
At this moment there is a girl that I love to talk with, and I'm kinda into her. But the problem is, that we met each other 5 years ago, and no sort of contact. We only talk, i can make her laugh, she likes clever people, and she loves that in me, because she can talk to me about more intelectual things that she loves to talk about, and I'm the only one who can understand her thoughts. And we have so much things in common. But I know, she's not interested in me. Well, she likes being single and she likes to flirt with guys. That's normal and I don't blame her for that. She usually gets more along with men than women. Although we met each other for 5 years, we had several months in that period appart without talking that much, because of her college and I was working out of the country. Now I'm working on my city, and she has already finished college, and we are talking more again. She never took the initiative with me but last week, she told me if we wanted to watch the football together and get some beers. And, at some point I was 1 week without talking to her to test her, to see if she texted me back, and she texted me back, so I guess she kinda likes to have me around and have nice conversations.
But yeah, I can't get to the level that I can kiss her, or have sexual relationships. Her, or any girl in this world. When they like me I reject, when I like them i get rejected. I don't know how to explain that. I'm still not confident of myself, because of my shakes and anxiety problems.
And the problem is, when i get too attached to some girl, and I see a guy flirting with her, I get jealous. It depends on the girl, but on this case that actually happens. There was a confident guy approaching her, and she was playing hard to get, but at the end I saw them walking out of the bar together, and have a more private conversation. I saw them talkin when I passed by with my car, and I dont want to imagine what they did after, if they did something... That guy was impressive on approaching her. At the beggining, he was being a little boring, but being persistent and show her that he had interest on her, it worked. Well, I really can't be like that right now. This anxiety doesn't let me progress my life. Already on psychologists and psychiatrists, neurologists, etc... but It's still too hard to handle