My anxiety is super high at the moment, 2 weeks now of running on adrenaline, sleep evades me until the early hours then shattered the next day ! Mind going ten to the dozen and on a " high " at work to just get through the day.
Feel like I may breakdown again so I haven't said anything to anyone yet just incase it passes, don't wish to look or feel stupid.
Fingers crossed for a good day tomorrow, as long as I get some plz xx
Since the beginning of April after my first holiday abroad this year (2015) I've been suffering with what I can only describe as a permanent burden to my life at the moment, Anxiety.
Pre being diagnosed; On holiday I had experienced some horrible mental and physical abuse, with a so called "best" friend (at least that's what I thought he was ) from this holiday in hell I had come back home to a house hold in ruins, given the run down from an emotional mother on how I can lose the roof over my head due to her debts of rent arrears as she'd been out of work since being laid of her job last Christmas and with this I also learnt my other brother wasn't paying her his side of the rent ( only three of my large family of brothers and sister now live at home there's 10 of us in all) with this I didn't know how feel or what to do with myself my first plan of action was getting the money owed to my mum off my brother, so in such anger with a boot to a bedroom door I bust down my brothers bedroom door and demanded he pay my mum immediately otherwise I'd be throwing his stuff out on to the street, I did this with such rage I actually really wanted to hurt my brother, I had never ever felt so out of control in my life to the thought I could have really harmed someone without a care in the world really scared me and I broke down in tears, I'm normally a Calm and collected guy, anyways after the episode with him he paid up and that was that; then the following day we received a letter of court action about losing the house due to unpaid rent. That night I experienced my first ever anxiety attack heavy headed, heart palpitations, sweats, fever like symptoms and hyperventilation (tingling up and down my body from this made me think the worse, that I was having a stroke or heart attack!) this happened just as I was trying to sleep, I manage to get myself out of bed and into my mums room when she phoned for a Paramedic who said everything health wise was fine from what he could see on his heart rate monitor and hear on his stethoscope (even though what I felt was far from fine) this is when he went on to explain this new world of anxiety to me, after this the next week or so I was not so normal I felt wobbly and constantly on edge ( wow "normal" whatever that feels like now, I do not know!) but the worst of this went to God damn awful, at work I was following my day to day duties as a duty manager in a busy store on the hottest day of the year then suddenly aisles of the store wobbled and merged my eyesight went crazy and lights were BRIGHT! I thought I had shot down a whole bottle of Vodka! this lead me to have one of the most terrifying Panic attacks ever, an ambulance was called and I had the same checks done as by the previous paramedic but again everything was fine as far as he was concerned and put it down to anxiety, with a possible underlying health issues so the next day I made a same day appointment with the GP who diagnosed me with a inner ear Viral Infection LABYRINTHITIS! And was told there is no medication for it and I will have to ride it out with promise it will get better,with this I felt a slight relief knowing what had caused that bad day at work but little did I know the difficulties this labyrinthitis will bring to me, this infection has me constantly thinking I'm on the brink of Clinical Craziness! The mental power you need to fight this has to be immense, I've had sleepless nights, very surreal vivid dreams, constant intrusive thoughts, random burst of energy, fatigue and the list of weird unexplainable experiences goes I there a days when it all gets that much that it doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing I just break down and cry, and still I see no signs of getting being completely normal again, though saying this there can be some hours in the day where I completely lose all symptoms and feel almost normal, but unfortunately this is always short lived. It's just getting unbearable now, it's absolute torture my anxiety attacks have spiraled through the roof and I have at least 1-4 a week, it's all to draining and work stress is incomprehensible! I fear it's getting me to the point of crazy in were I'll be locked in a padded tell and be popping anti depressants and other pills for the rest of my life. I just need some relief, I've never felt so lonely! My lack of interest in things is excruciatingly low and I have the patience for nothing and no one, I feel I'm a changing man and the change doesn't feel like it's for the better. I just don't know what to do or how to live on anymore and I can go on and on writing a whole book about it all, but I'm sure you get the picture now on my hellish life.
Is there anyone out there that has been through such turmoils as I have and come out on top? If so how did you get through such struggles? Please help! As I'm out of ideas I'm only 22 yet I feel like life is at a standstill.
Hi Crazycat, can you go to your GP for some valium to give you a break from the anxiety?
Hi Andrew, it sounds as though you're having a tough time so it's not surprising you're struggling.
Labyrinthitis is horrible, all you can do is try to avoid situations that make it worse, although that's easier said than done. Also there are a couple of medicines that might help: pseudoephedrine hydrochloride (brand name Sudafed decongestant tablets) can reduce the fluid in your ear and stop you feeling dizzy - you can buy that over the counter. There's also cinnarizine which blocks messages from your nerves in your inner ear. I can't remember if it's prescription only, but try speaking to your pharmacist, because I have a feeling it's in travel sickness pills. Do speak to your doctor or pharmacist about using anything long term, and check for interractions with anything else you're taking.
For the anxiety, it sounds as though you need to see your doctor about this. Your GP may be able to give you something for it, maybe some medicine, or maybe someone to talk to. It might be a good idea to talk to someone about the times when you feel out of control with anger, because that's a symptom of stress, and something you can get help with. There are also lots of books about anxiety.
Panic attacks are horrible, but you can make them less bad. The worst thing you can do is to try to fight them, because the tension from fighting makes them worse. Now that you've had a couple, and you know that they won't kill you, and that all the frightening symptoms aren't signs of a heart failure, or anything else serious, and that they will pass, you can start to just wait for them to end. What I mean is, when you feel one coming on, think of it as an annoying visitor, like an irritating aunt you have to be polite to, but who will be gone soon so you can get back to what you were doing. Once you stop fighting it, and just let it go through your body while you watch, it immediately becomes less strong, and less damaging, and shorter because you are a bit calmer. When you do this, you find that you don't fear them as much any more, which means that you won't get them as often, because the fear of getting a panic attack is part of what makes you get them. Try next time you have one. It's just physical symptoms, and you can watch them pass as if you're watching tv.
This method of managing panic attacks can make them go altogether.
The other stresses in your life are circumstantial - in other words, they are very stressful at the moment, eg, your work and living situation, but circumstances can change, and even if you can't see a way out at the moment, in a year or two you might be in much better circumstances. Change can be scary, but it's sometimes unavoidable, and trying to fight it is exhausting! Especially if you're taking on a lot of that responsibility yourself. In other words, you're not really becoming a worse person, you're just responding to things outside yourself, and in a year or so when all this is past, you'll be in a very different frame of mind. This definitely isn't ihow you'll be forever!
Anyway, there are a few ideas for you. You're definitely not stuck,try a few of the things I've suggested and see if they help.