Anyone diagnosed with OCD or have any symptoms??

Mental health
1

I suspect I have OCD. I like to make lists of things. And if I scratch something off the list, I feel like I have to write it out again as then it's not clear. I doublecheck things a lot. This can affect me in exams as I start checking my answers before I finish my paper and can run out of time. I also sometimes get indecisive making my to do lists as I struggle to decide between writing it in categories or in chronological order. Often I like the chronological order best and if while I'm writing it out, I think of something else that should have been higher in the list, I need to make a new one. 

I also like to be prepared. I get very anxious if I feel unprepared. At the till if I'm going to pay I get my money out ahead of time and then I close my purse "to be quicker" before I realise, and feel embarrassed, that I haven't gotten my change yet so I have actually wasted time instead as now I have to open my purse again.

When I go to my locker, I don't just take what I need, I doublecheck what I have in my bag to make sure I have what I need. I doublecheck what's in the locker to make sure I haven't left something out, I doublecheck my bag in case there's anything I could put back into my locker. 

I like to keep references of things as I'm afraid I'll forget things. I like to document and record everything really clearly so I won't get anxious if I feel I've lost or forgotten something. Obviously this is time consuming. At one stage, I had the urge to label my bedroom furniture (drawers etc) so it would be easier to find things. 

I tend to start organising things when I am anxious, even if it's avoiding the source of my anxiety or I know I have something else I need to get done. 

There have been times where I feel compelled to write a list of people  I saw in town that I knew, I don't even know why as  it would be pointless. Just another compulsion I guess. I used to make lists in my diary too of random things, i just like the feeling of organising things, thoughts, ideas. 

Sometimes I get so anxious going through a list to make sure I have everything that I just keep reading it over and over again, as my anxiety increases it gets worse as I am taking nothing in so I continue to keep reading it in a panic until I wrench myself away and tell myself it's OK. 

I did not realise how much this ruled my life until today I found myself, pulling things out of my bag and setting up on the desk to have everything ready and in order for when I needed it. I found it visually disturbing seeing that many things on the desk so I wanted to put some stuff back in the bag but I realised that that would be pointless and wasting my time. It scared me to realise how much I think about these things. I always feel like things have to go in the right order and I put so much pressure on myself to try and think ahead so I can do things in the best and most efficient order. It's exhausting, embarrassing, frustrating and I hate it. 

Has anyone been diagnosed with OCD or can relate at all? Anyone ever felt similar, had anything like this? I have never talked about it too much to anyone and I think this is the first time I'm properly realising that this is a major source of anxiety for me and takes up a lot of my time. 

I would appreciate any comments. 

Thanks, 

anonymousgirl x

2

Talking to a GP is a good place to start, but I would urge you to ask for a referral to psychotherapy for a diagnosis as GPs aren't really qualified to deal with mental health issues.  Its tempting I know to self diagnose ,we all do it but it's not a good thing to do with mental health issues. Simply because we get an idea into our heads which a therapist will need to remove in essence to allow them to make a proper diagnosis. 

Yes indeed some of your issues could be seen as OCD, but they could also be general anxiety- there is often a lot of crossover, it will take a psychologist or psychiatrist to make a proper diagnosis over a period of a few sessions . I wish you luck finding the answers you need, please,never Google symptoms-  something we are all guilty of,me especially, but it never ever helps and can really slow down a psychologists work.

A gp will try to.make an.initial diagnosis and I would really insist on that being done only by mental health professionals. Gps often err on the side of simplicity for mental health issues,they have no training for such things

3

UR probably on the right track.. R there any councelors at school? That may be a good place to start.

at least u don't do what I do write my lists then forget where I put them...

I have ADHD/Aspergers .. I take meds to help slow me down... I tend to try to do to many things at once..never quite finishing anything.. On the flip side there r pros & cons with any disorder.

 

4

It's worth remembering that any condition that you may have died not automatically mean you need medication . Many problems can be equally or better treated with therapy .this is the route I go down,for me medication isn't the answer, this is just my preference, they can work well for many.

5

Jmcg and hope4cure,

Thank you both for your helpful comments. Rather than repeat information to both of you, I decided to just write this back to both of you as it covers both of your questions. Apologies for the crazy length of this but I guess I have never gone into detail on this before with anyone and I found it kind of helpful to talk through it properly as it explains the difficulties of it better.

I agree with all you have said above. I have been to my GP about depression/anxiety /severe insomnia/body image issues a couple of times now. He prescribed citalopram and I have been on it for nearly 4 months. I find it helps but I am not shall we say really happy, just not as sad. [I did feel really happy at the start but I guess I am in difficult circumstances at the minute so I think I won’t feel fully happy until I get through my exams and get my degree. Otherwise there’s always the fear that if I fail one exam that I will have to repeat the whole year and that is definitely I can’t face into. ] The doc also really stressed (and I agree with both you and him on this one) that the medication is not a one step cure and that therapy while on the medication is the best route to go.

As therapy can be quite expensive, I have availed of the counselling service at my university twice. However they only give out 6 week sessions before you have to go on a waiting list again. I went to counselling early on in the year for 6 weeks. I did not find it a great help but then I was so negative and skeptical at the time, I did not take any of my counsellor’s advice so part of that was my fault. But then I went to CBT which finished in early April. I found it really helpful and I did all my exercises. I didn’t feel ready to face my exams on my own and I said this to my therapist but I think she was just delighted that my depression score had significantly decreased. I was then “just below threshold”( by one point). You can ask for 3-6 more sessions and I did express an interest in this but she stayed quiet and then I just kind of said “But now that I see my score maybe I will be fine” because I hate asking for more help.  She was really happy at this and had even asked whether I wanted to stay for the rest of the hour or to just go straight after taking my depression score test and getting the results, so I think she was just happy to get rid of me, harsh as it sounds. I had deferred most of my exams and was only sitting two but I still failed one. I had a panic attack right before/during the exam. It was all because I didn’t study for it the right way. I focused too much on finding and researching extra information instead of actually learning the material and I found I had loads of notes that I just didn’t know.The reason why I started getting help this year was that I had a nocturnal panic attack and I thought there was something wrong with my heart as two of my aunties have a heart condition. I went into the student health unit. They ran a whole pile of tests, including blood tests, asked how college was going (they would have it on record that I had many infections, some of them recurring as well as a history of IBS) and just told me I was “fine”. They did an ECG but not one after exercise. My aunty had told me her heart irregularity only showed up after exercise so in my mind, their tests were futile and proved nothing. I was still terrified by the idea that there might be something wrong with my heart. The nurse prevented me telling the doctor that I did have chest pain on one occasion while exercising but I had forgotten to say it to the doctor when she asked me and only remembered after. The nurse just fobbed  it off and said that “I did an ECG and it was fine, so you didn’t damage your heart then.”. I wasn’t worried about having damaged it. I was worried that it could have been the same condition my aunties had coming to the fore as I was exercising. I was also afraid, that the heart palpitations were not simply due to stress, but due to stress-induced presentation of the condition my aunties had as this is when it manifests itself. Anyways,  I just wish they had told me they thought I had a problem with anxiety rather than telling me I was fine and sending me off home. The nurse even tried to make the receptionist schedule my appointment when I had a lecture instead of letting me come in at first thing in the morning so that “some poor soul who was really suffering” could be seen first thing in the morning, rather than having me come in then to find out my blood tests.

My counsellor didn’t give a diagnosis but I don’t think they can? Then my therapist never did either except saying that maybe I had an eating problem and to mention that to my doctor and he might refer me on to someone else as “it would take a lot of work to figure out when it started” etc. (SCAPEGOAT!)

I have said to both the counsellor and the therapist that I thought I had OCD but they used to just nod and listen, rather than say yes I think you do. I know I have depression and anxiety, that is undeniable and I guess has been confirmed by different surveys I have done and physical symptoms I I have anyways.

I was advised by someone else on this site to ask for a diagnosis at the first session and a plan of treatment but I guess such assertion is a challenge for me!

My Mum also says not to self-diagnose but then I feel like she delays sorting out getting me on a waiting list to see someone. I am now availing of more free services. I believe the first sessions I am starting on Monday are jsut with a counsellor but I’ll just be glad to talk to anyone at this stage and i feel determined to get the most out of it and ask to talk about and deal with what’s bothering me most.

I am not in a financial position to pay for my own treatment so it makes things a bit harder. My sister offered to pay for therapy but then my parents said they’d pay for it. But now all of a sudden  I find  myself availing of free services again that have a time limit on them. I hate that as building up trust with a new counsellor and the waiting in between sessions can mean I go right back downhill again but they just don’t seem to understand, Parents: “ You’d have to wait 5 weeks to see a private therapist anyways.” Me: “Yes but at least it would be continuous and uninterrupted. I could settle with someone I like and continue to see them.”. They seem to keep thinking you can just ask for more sessions if you’re not ready and I keep saying, if they have a time limit on it, it’s for a reason!

Anyways, it’s not all bad right now as I have it arranged that  I have 6-8 weeks in  a youth centre and then I can avail of 5 weeks with a therapist through my mum’s health insurance plan. Once you call them, they have to give you an appointment within 5 days so this means I will be seen for at least a continuous 11 weeks that will run through my exams. I am happy at that as it is a lot of time to work through things and the support will be there in the lead up to and during my exams when  I will need it most smileStill i find my parents lack of understanding for my need to be comfortable with my treatment options frustrating. They tried to make me feel guilty for not wanting to avail of phone therapy sessions even though I tried to explain how hard it can be to start telling a new person some of your most personal and intimate problems. I tried to say how sometimes  I have to write it down beforehand and just show it to the therapist. But of course they come up with reasons why it would be fine. “That’s ok if you don’t want to even try it.” = guilt-trip sentence if I ever saw it!

But anyways, that’s not the point anymore as I am starting sessions on Monday with a support worker in the youth centre and i have a plan for 11 weeks minimum which should be fine. I just can’t help feeling frustrated sometimes! (If you don’t want to pay for therapy, then let my sister pay but don’t take over, push me into free options I am not comfortable with and then try to manipulate the services and say that they’d have to give me more sessions if I wasn’t ready!!!)

Thanks again for your comments and apologies again about the length of this but I love detail as I find it is clear. Leaving out details only leads to questions back and forth and I just thnk it’s easier to say it all from the start.

Anonymousgirl x

6

U have taken appropriate measures for treatment. Life is complicated at times more than others. I am not trained professionally so it is always best to ln ow when u need a pro in life coping modes..

take one day at a time... Very important. Realize u r  happy bright loving kind and u deserve it all.

7

Thank you so much hope4cure. Such encouraging words and just the kind of thing I needed to hear at the moment! 

anonymousgirl 

8

Hello anonymous girl,

I can understand how horrible it is to be in the grip of this condition. It's like you are being controlled by it. You can't continue to suffer. It is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and you can take medications to correct that. there is also therapy that can really help you. I hope you get the help you need and get control back of your life. 

9

These issues aren't always due to a chemical imbalance, very often it is in response to an event or series of events. Medications can help with symptoms but only therapy can resolve issues long term

10

Thanks Robin, 

I am on citalopram or nearly 4 months now. I have just started back on therapy yesterday and I feel this will help me a lot. I think it could be just the OCD is an outlet for stress with me, it always comes out some way. 

But my therapist said we can definitely work on this and it's something I haven't worked on before so I am really happy abou that. 

Thanks for your feedback and support smile 

11

I agree with your last statement, Hope4cure. There are pros to having ADHD for example. I believe it's 'drive'. I 'enjoy' (not suffer from) it myself and I do many things often at once but accomplish a lot! It's wonderful actually. I'm not sure if a general curiosity and enthusiasm and zest for life are always part of ADHD. I hope so for those who have it. 

And the positives for people with OCD are that they are usually highly accomplished people; perfectionists. Maybe anonymousgirl can tell us about her successes in life. I will bet they are multiple. 

Of course, any condition can become over the top. And the demands that someone with OCD places on themselves are draining and stressful. With help, it is highly treatable and in short order. 

Therapy and possibly medication can set you on the right track. All the best!

 

12

Hello anonymousgirl,

I just read your detailed message. You've been through some rough times. Obviously you are a very goal oriented person and this determination will serve you well in life. Keep in mind that when you are young, emotions are raw and things are often magnified in importance; positive and negative. It can be hard to 'see around corners' so to speak but things will get better, don't you worry.

 It really sounds like you have pulled this all together. You seem to be taking charge of your situation and getting the right help. You have an excellent attitude and that is key to getting the most out of your therapy. 

Keep in mind that your parents love you and only want the best for you. They may not always agree with you, but they have your best interests at heart. Certainly, take them up on the offer to pay for therapy, if at some point you need another therapist or one who will be able to see you through this. You might consider adding group therapy to your plan...which might require payments.

When my daughter at your age was rammed in football and had 3 herniated discs as a result, I paid for all her extra therapies. My feeling was that she was suffering enough so in order to take whatever burden I could off her shoulders, I took care of the payments. Parents do that willingly and so don't feel bad about accepting their offer.

I wonder...and this may not be the case with your attitude towards your OCD... if you had an issue with your spine (physical) and you required specialised and ongoing treatment/therapy for a year or two, would you go without or not want to accept your family's help? Often we consider a mental health issue as something we should be able to control or fix if we just change our attitude. Just because you can't see a person's mental and emotional suffering as you would if the person were limping or had a cast on, doesn't mean that the condition is not just as serious and worthy of therapy. Your OCD is due to a biochemical imbalance in the brain...just as in need of treatment as a physical injury.  And YOU are worthy of any and all treatment to get you through this in a timely manner. And I know you will succeed and become a happy and fully functioning and successful adult. Your family is behind you and that makes a big difference. Hopefully your parents and sister can listen and support you without adding to your stress (being judgemental or trying to hard to 'fix'wink and be another great resource as a sounding board and for support. 

Any physical activity is a great stress buster. 

Good luck!

13

Hi Robin, 

Thanks so much for your reply. It's nice to get the mother's perspective on things! I can get very stuck in my own emotions, angry and resentful but I do know my parents love me so much and have done their utmost best for me and sacrificed a lot for me and I love them with all my heart. I'm just trying to figure out some stuff, put everything in context and learn (and be allowed) to be independant. 

My sister had offered to pay for private therapy but my parents said they wanted to organise it for me instead. They were going to get private therapy (which I prefer as I could settle with someone I liked and it would be continuous and not broken up and I could keep going till I was satisfied I wouldn't relapse) but decided that the waiting list for private therapy was just as long as for services I could avail of for free so I am going to do sessions at a youth centre, followed by sessions through my Mum's health plan. Both have time limits on them but all in all, it will give me 11-13 weeks sessions with max. 5 days transition between the youth centre sessions and the health plan sessions. I figure this is a good  stretch to get some good work done. Hopefully, if I feel I will need more we can get me on a waiting list for private therapy towards the end of that time so I won't be waiting another 5 weeks again or whatever. 

Yes, I agree, physical activity is great! 

Thanks for all your kind words and helpful advice, 

anonymousgirl

 

14

Good luck to you anonymous girl!

15

Meds take time to become blood level. Sometimes after that most doses need to be adjusted to a higher dose.. Be patient.. UR dr can help u so much.. These meds do help...Bless sent UR way. 

16

Thank you. I am happy to receive any blessings being sent my way! smile And thanks, I guess  it's been a while since I've seen my doc. Maybe I should pop into him soon!!