For some time now I've been very paranoid..for example I felt my ex housemate who owned the house was mad at me, and when she went away I was convinced she had put cameras in the house to watch me while she was away. Another example is that my other flatmates boyfriend has been slightly aggressive once when drunk..one night I woke up to him having a shower at 6 in the morning. For some reason I was convinced he'd killed her and was cleaning himself up and was going to move onto me next!
The new one is that my neighbour was once seen looking through binoculars into our house. Which is creepy but it was years ago and nothing has happened since. But I feel like he's planted cameras all over the house and am scared to get changed in case he's watching. I went for a run today and passed someone who looked a bit like him and thought he was following me until I got home and saw him in his house. But still I thought he must have rushed back to make me think it wasn't him!
I know these thoughts are irrational but still I can't help believing to some extent that they are real! Is this normal? I'm doing a lot better these past few days but I am still thinking crazy stuff like this
I know it sounds bad but I do have insight into it being irrational and so I don't think it's anything other than stress/anxiety. I don't wanna tell the gp because one of the criteria for bpd is paranoia and I'm trying to fight that diagnosis!
If this is the case what do I do? I had an assessment with the psychiatrist six months ago and she said I have traits of bpd then sent me back to my gp. Ever since its been bothering me. I really don't want bpd and am struggling to come to terms with the fact I have traits of it but no one will talk about it with me. I want to know for sure so I can actually do something about it because I can't go on like this. How do I make another appointment to see a psychiatrist? If just to discuss this with them? Even though as soon as you have a label of bpd your emotions are immediately devalued which makes me feel even worse. Do they think I want to feel like this?!
When I say it's been bothering me I mean it's the main reason behind all my suicidal thoughts and I feel like I can't trust a single health professional now which obviously isn't helping
When my mother died, I wanted to die. I was so depressed and ended up hospitalized and was told I was bipolar. I didn't believe them and dismissed it as just mourning my mother. After a few months I was having paranoia and began to have highs and lows. I cannot tell you what being bipolar and not being treated did to me. I almost committed suicide. I had two affairs and spent money I didn't have. I then became so depressed I didn't sleep for days. I began hearing voices from lack of sleep and didn't get out of bed. However, I didn't want to take medication or be labeled bipolar because I would be treated differently by doctors and no one would take me seriously. I almost died! Nothing mattered! I knew if I didn't get help I would die so I admitted myself to the hospital. I've accepted that I am bipolar and that I need medication and therapy so that I can live a semi normal life. I am currently suffering from depression and feel so alone. I have to go to my doctor and get my meds adjusted. For the most part I am healthy mentally. Like you, I didn't trust professionals, didn't want to be labeled, didn't want people not to take me seriously. My experience has been that most doctors acknowledge it and get on with why I'm there and how they can help. Many people including myself delay getting help because of the stigma. Waiting and being in denial cost me deeply. Speak to your gp and tell them your concerns. What you are currently feeling and that you were told you may possibly have bpd. Tell them you would like to see a psychiatrist to assess what is going on. You can ask me anything...no worries. If I can help one person not go through the hell I've been through, I've made a difference.
I agree with hypercat, great reply! I'm so sorry to hear everything you went through and it was really brave of you to admit it to yourself before it was too late. I'm glad to hear things are looking up but sorry you're feeling alone what support are you receiving at the moment? Is your doctor understanding?
I think I'm going to have to just tell them how much this potential diagnosis is bothering me and just be honest and say exactly what's been going on because I've been holding back for so long and you're completely right it isn't doing me any favours. In fact I'm just pushing away any help I'm offered and it's impacting on my personal relationships too.
Just to be clear when you said it sounds like bpd you did mean borderline personality disorder? I know either way I need a doctor to tell me for sure, but I just want to start preparing myself for a diagnosis
Thanks again for your advice it's really helped me