Anyone ruminate about the past?

Mental health
1

Hi

Anyone ruminate/obsess about things that have gone on in your past?  Without going into detail, I have been obsessing about things that occurred at an event that happened months ago (an event which should have been a happy one but for me turned out quite differently) and I am losing sleep over it.  I keep questioning what I could have done differently so that things would have turned out better.  My husband keeps telling me to let it go as it is in the past but it is just so difficult for me to do.  How do I ‘let it go’.  Thank you.

2

This is a classic symptom of stress related anxiety. We can't let go of it and expect it to happen again. I'm the same. It's very hard to let go of something that caused such an extreme reaction. I started a 4 week stress control course tonight and letting go of the past is one of the classic anxiety signs. It was very good. If you are in the UK get in touch with your Dr. It's all ran through the nhs. Very interesting and will address the causes of stress how our body reacts to it and how we can better control.it. I thinkitcwould be really helpful to you.

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Thank you.  I wish I could find a course like that here in the United States.  My husband cannot understand why I can’t just let things go.  It’s my nature.  And as you said, it’s very difficult to do.  I am trying to find a ‘natural’ way of doing this as my doctor just wants to give me anti depressants.  I reallt do not want to take them as other than this one issue, I have a wonderful life. Can you share anything they may have taught in this class?  Thanks!

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Hi. We are very fortunate in the UK to be able to have this and it be free. There are some websites she gave us. I'll have a look in the morning and post them.or message them to you. I'm just off to bed now but I remember www.ntw.nhs/selfhelp. They basically went through how the body reacts to stress. How we feel the physical symptoms and how to cope with the fight or flight feelings. We need to learn to relax and be more mindful. That way we can decrease the reactions of anxiety and panic. Work on self esteem. They did mention drinking less caffeine and alcohol too. It's almost like we programme ourselves to remember something from the past and anticipate it will happen and create that outcome. We almost have tonoush ourselves out of our comfort zone and realise that the bad things are not likely to happen. I hope this helps a little

5

Is there something you feel you can change about the situation? I find asking myself if I can change anything about the situation helps me put aside stuff that I can't change. 

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 Marianne, I used to ruminate so much about things in the past that upset me. I finally have been able to move on from that thanks  to some counseling, and some fabulous meditations  I found on YouTube.

There’s a couple that are particularly good and one is called “detachment from overthinking” this one talks about rumination.  

But I literally wasted decades of my life thinking about the past and I could even affect my own health by doing that. We can think and drive ourselves crazy “what if I did this or what if I did that. But we didn’t do those things. The past is history and no matter how long we dwell on it it’s never going to change. It’s time to be happy and start enjoying life.

Life is way too short to live in the past because then you are not living today and you can never get today back once it’s gone. 

 I know it can be difficult to do but you can do this! Your husband is  absolutely right! 

I highly encourage you to listen to some YouTube meditations on letting go of the past. There are several to choose from and I like to use my earbuds because it gives a better effect.    Do this when you can relax without any interruptions. Another thing also if you are religious at all, give it all over to God and ask for strength. 

Every day think of what you are grateful for and find joy in the  Present. 

We all have regrets but when they start to affect our lives, it’s time to learn to let them go.

Have you heard of mindfulness? This is Taught all over the world and it really works.

 it teaches you how to regain control of your thoughts including negativity, fear etc. helps you develop peace of mind.

For example, if you have a thought that you don’t want, don’t try to fight it off. Because it will intensify. What you do is in a relaxed way, let the thought be there for a few seconds.  You be the observer of that thought. Then imagine it floating off and dissolving. You are not your thoughts, they are separate from you so you can control them and let them go. Negative thoughts are only destructive and you don’t need them.

Do this every time. Eventually your mind will do it automatically. There’s a book called  Mindfulness and  many of the meditations on YouTube are Mindfulness meditations. There are also some called Talkdwn for sleep .

 you’re going to be OK. Just be determined to take control❤️🌸😁

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jan, you are so right. I have been meditating now for 4 or so months. has changed my life. so much mind control back in your hands.

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Hi:  the main problem, or what I perceived to be a problem, cannot be changed,  As my husband said, .what.s done is done, time to move on.  It’s complicated but if I could change what happened in any way, shape or form, I would be fine.

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It's normal to obsess about the past. I think speaking to a professional can help you a lot. Maybe seeing a therapist weekly? Just talking it out and reaching closure will help you let go. Just remind yourself that you cannot go back in time or change what has already happened. Moving on is the only way to free yourself of this. Keeping yourself busy might help you stop thinking of it so much. Good luck and take care. x 

10

Hi:  your post literally touched my heart.  All that you said is so correct!  We have this one life and I shouldn’t be worried about things that I cannot control,   I will check out the You Tube meditators.  I do take a mindfulness class at my local Y and as the instructor said, it is a practice, so I need to keep practicing!  She also said not to fight the thoughts but to let them bevthere, say ‘hello’ to thrmband then let them go.  You are a beautiful, kind soul and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words of wisdom,❤️

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 You are so welcome Marianne! You’re going to do this and have a great life! ❤️❤️❤️

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 I am so glad the meditating his change your life! It’s in amazingly wonderful feeling! 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

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❤️amen to that!  I wish you the same. You are a lovely person to take the time to care enough to reach out as you have.

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Thank you.  I know I need to move on and I really do try but some days it is such a struggle!  I also try to stay busy but even during busy times ruminating kicks in.  I have a beautiful, wonderful life and need to enjoy it.  My best to you also.  Thanks again.

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No problem, I realize it's difficult. Just do your best, take it day by day. Take care. x