Anyone with TEENAGERS?

Brain and nerves
1

I have an 18 yr old daughter and she refuses to think I have an illness, despite explaining things to her and telling her to look it up on internet.

When i had swollen joints she could see it, but when there is nothing to see then they think you can just carry on, expecting lifts to work and at her beck and call.

Anyone got any hints on how to deal with her!

I am able to do light housework like the washing and a small ironing, i'm not as bad as some of you guys, but dare i say "yet"! sad I do some food shopping too so i'm hoping in time i will be able to go back to work. Am i being optimistic or has anyone had this illness short lived?

Teedie

x

2

Ahhhhhhh! The wonderful years of the world revolves around me, me, me, me!

Yes, I have 2 of them :oops:

Due to anxiety and depression striking me down they were left with no choice but to get up and do for themselves.

Oh! They tried the pull yourself together bit, the begging and pleading, the just this once please mum, I'll pay you back big time, I'll do all the washing, cooking, cleaning....yea, yea! Sure they will NOT.

In the end I just thought to myself - sod 'em! With some help from a very close friend who kept reassuring me that I wasn't being a bad mum if I didn't answer to their every whim!

Now? Well we still have the moments where either will try it on! But I stick to my guns and say NO. No, no, no!

What happened to the 'we are grown up and want our independence'? Now if allowed it's, we are grown up but you should still be running around after me! Sorry kids - no can do - not anymore!

Now if they want to go out they have to make their own arrangements for getting there and own arrangements for getting back home. And home is where thay shall be - no excuses of sleeping out because I missed a bus or can't drive I've had a drink. Being grown up means taking responsibilty ofr your own behaviour, actions and life!

Mummy is no longer mummy - mummy is here to love and support you but not to run around after you!

I have also jst organised it so they both have their own wash days, own days to iron etc. If they haven't done it on those days then it isn't my problem if come half way through the next week they haven't got anything clean or ironed to wear. First week that happened - 2nd week? No! They had done their own washing and ironing! :D

They both also have one evening each week that they are responsible for cooking a meal and clearing away after it. That too didn't work for a couple of weeks, but then when they realised mum wasn't going to jump up and cook and they ended up going into the kitchen to look for something quick to eat, they soon learnt. Another thing, if the kitchen isn't clean and tidy on my days for cooking (because they haven't cleared p after themselves) I refuse to cook - full stop!

The way I have explained to them is quite simple. Three females - all adults - living under one roof! Three adults to share the chores and responsibilties.

So far it is working - though they will have lapses - they don't last long as they see that unless they do their bit, then the whole thing falls apart.

Melbi x

3

Hey Everyone!

Just another thing as parent(s) we need to remember is that when a parent/carer become ill children/teenagers are quite often afraid of changes such as physical and emotional support they have previously recieved. This is a daunting time for them and it is much easier for them to push it under the carpet or indeed act strong by carrying on as if things are normal when infact it probably isnt! My personal experience is to ensure your child is still loved and that your illness (whatever it be) is not a barrier to a previously good relationship. I did this by spending quality time with my kids when I was well enough to do so and they then appreciated the times I am unable to do thinsg with them.

Rememeber also that stress is a trigger of ME and probably many other illnesses and does not help us recover.

Take care everyone

Donna x

4

Half an hour after posting this post i got a txt from her asking if i can pick her up frm work as she finished work at 12 and there isn't a bus til 1, well you can gather what my answer iwas, told her where to go. She has come home and straight to bed as she has a nite out tonight.

I need to be stricter as i have other 2 children, 8 & 6.

Here I am sitting struggling to keep my eyes open, think i will be doing the same. :zzz:

Teedie

5

When our children become adults it is hard to let go, and part of our 'mummy mechanism' is to respond to their pleas. If we keep doing it they will keep letting us.

I have a son who is 25 and a father himself but he would still behave like this. We had to have cards on the table recently, in the end I wrote him a letter as he wouldn't listen to me. He went huffy for a while and didn't come round but he is getting over it. I had the same conversation with my 27 year old and he was fine. My 22 year old daughter knows she can always ask but accepts whatever the reply is.

It is not only teenagers who rebel when the goalposts are moved. My 50 year old husband doesn't find it easy at all when I am not well.

6

Hi Teedie

My daughter was fairly horrible at 18 and although I didn't have ME then, I really don't think she would have been in the least sympathetic if I had.

She finally left home at l8 having walked out of her A level studies.

She is now 25 and for the last five years we have become very close and she has turned into a lovely young lady! So give your daughter time - she's possibly really quite anxious about your illness but is unable to show it. It's not an easy age to deal with.

You asked if anyone had ME for a short time - I had it for just over three years in my early thirties following a bout of flu. It wasn't really recognised then, but I had all the symptoms. It just sort of disappeared and apart from the odd day I was fine for over 20 years. I had a relapse about 20 months ago following a throat infection. Hopefully yours will be of short duration. smile

7

I was hoping someone would say they had CFS for only a few months, but i think i am clutching at straws?

I feel bad as i am becoming less tolerant of my younger children, can't stand the noise or the normal squabbles they have. Had to go to bed last night before them.

Teedie

x

8

I am in a similar situation to you Teedie. I have only had a diagnosis of ME for a few months and am finding it hard to adapt. sad

I had a bad day yesterday and for the first time ever, gave in to it, as others on here recommend. So why do I feel so damn guilty about doing nothing yesterday? :weird:

My daughter is 13 and I am a single parent. I was trying to explain how I feel and came up with this... In the morning my body pings awake :shock: but my brain stays asleep :zzz:

So I sit around waiting for my body to wake up, only by the time it does, the brain has gone bact to sleep :!: I lack any synchronicity whatsoever. :erm:

I tell her when the 2 are working together I am all hers!! Luckily she has been quite good but she could change if things linger.

Maybe your daughter misses the "old you" and needs time to adapt to the change in situation. Have you shown her the posts on this forum?

I am guilty of previously not acknowledging that ME is "a proper illness".

:oops: so maybe she needs to challenge that perception.

Give her time but be firm. Set boundaries and stick to them.

Hope this helps

Dale xxx

9

:roll: :roll: :roll: I have 2 teenage daughters, so I know exactly where you're coming from! One (the youngest, at 15) is very helpful, will even wash up without being asked, does her own washing etc, but the other one (17) is useless! I now do the "if you don't do your own washing it doesn't get done" routine, and although she will throw it in the machine with much grumbling, it stays in the wash basket, wet, until it goes mouldy...she was left with only 2 pairs of unmouldy pants last week...

I think it takes a while for it to filter through to them that you're not mummy runaround/slave, but persevere, it does happen! But they won't turn into little

:angel: :angel: overnight...

Lynne :wink:

10

Yes, my daughter will put her washing in machine and that is it, it stays there too!

She has 2 days off now and I said to her the washing machine is hers tomorrow and that also means dried and put away. Her bedroom is a disaster - :oops: full of dirty and clean washing and it's tiny too.

I have learned to just close the door.

I stopped doing her ironing a long time ago as it usually ended up back in the washing basket or over floor.

She would tidy her room about once a month and the washing basket would be heaving. It would take me 5 or 6 washes to get it done - well no more :grrr:

Think ladies, we will have to be strong and consistent. I also said to her, "you think there's nothing wrong with me, don't you," and she said "yes" :x

I rest my case.

:steam:

11

Hi,

I have an 18 year old daughter with M.E

She has been bedridden for months and couldnt tolerate bright light...she has no young friends due to collapse and then abscence from school through out her secondary school life...she still sufferres much pain and has a wheelchair to get out.

Ask your 18 year old daughter to contact us..we can tell her just how debillitating and agonising the illness is.

It saddens me that a child of today cant understand nor believe her mum...believe me my dear daughter understands and as a severe sufferer believes.

M.E is a very painful and debillitating isolating illness that to date hasnt had any biochemical reasearch paid for by the goverment.

This is disgraceful and MUST change.

12

Here Here!

13

I'm really hoping that something positive will come of the doctor who plans to present his research at a conference in Cambridge this month.

I mentioned it in a earlier posting. He has done extensive research into ME and maintains he has found genes in a patients blood that are not present in a 'normal' person. He is hoping that as a result of his presentation he will receive funding to produce a diagnostic blood test.

It will probably come to nothing and maybe I am clutching at straws - but you never know!

On the subject of teenage girls and dirty washing - my daughter used to stuff her mouldy pants and socks down radiators or throw them on top of the wardrobe despite having a laundry basket just outside her door! When she ran out of clean ones she would pinch my pants and my husbands socks! :roll: She also used to throw cultlery away rather than wash it!! :evil:

She is now living with her partner close by and I take great pleasure when I visit her pristine house, in leaving my coffee cup in the lounge for her to remove and clear up. It's payback time!!! :lol:

Katie smile

14

that reminds me of the time my (then) tenage son soiled his boxers after a night on the town and didn't dare tell me. I found them weeks later when we moved the wardrobe in his room. By then they were stiff and stank :shock:

Well done Katie, she must realise now what a prize pain she was as a teenager. :lol:

15

:lol: Can't wait for that day when she has her own house!

I wish i could get her to look at this site, she's naive :P :?