vicky and Kelly...lol...pay to come to my meetings. There are people in there that cover their face when I open my mouth...lol.
One person approached me and said you don't have a problem speaking your mind and they loved it.
Anyway...I thought to be an ADULT...I would grab her before her one hour participation in the meeting....and ask if we could talk (BECAUSE she told me that we are not doing counseling right now because these counsleors are there to help us during this outpatient).
She tried to cut me off..said she was heading into the group and she would talk to me after group. I said NO! This will only take one second. I said if you don't listen to me there will probably be a scene - she said "ARE YOU THREATENING ME?" I said AM I THREATENING YOU? lol...I was stunned a minute..and then I said no...I'm warning you that I may have an outburst if you don't listen to me for one minute. So she did...and then said....do you see what just happened?
I said WHAT? She said I told you after...and you intruded anyway. I said yea, I see that ..but you told me that you were available and I still want to talk to you after.
So she said, OK...you think about what I said and I will think about what you said. We agreed.
She goes in...and starts digressing...and I'm thinking you didn't have a minute for ME...but your OFF topic now...but I didn't say that UNTIL after the meeting.
I have to continue what happened after later..cause I have to run to Dr. with b/f.
Wow everyone is right..I will start over ..my mind was super distrated during that post...on Thursday....I had raised my HAND to ask a question in group...and she called on me..and I was making a GOOD point (which I won't go into)...and she didn't listen to my COMPLETE thought...and cut me off in the middle and I was P*SSED. We argued a bit..and she kept cutting me off!
So today I wanted to approach her personally and tell her that her technique of cutting me off before I finished my point was not supportive of my recovery or anyone elses.
I thought to be an ADULT...I would grab her before her one hour participation in the meeting....and ask if we could talk (BECAUSE she told me that we are not doing counseling right now because these counsleors are there to help us during this outpatient).
She tried to cut me off..said she was heading into the group and she would talk to me after group. I said NO! This will only take one second. I said if you don't listen to me there will probably be a scene - she said "ARE YOU THREATENING ME?" I said AM I THREATENING YOU? lol...I was stunned a minute..and then I said no...I'm warning you that I may have an outburst if you don't listen to me for one minute. So she did...and then said....do you see what just happened?
I said WHAT? She said I told you after the meeting I would talk to you...and you intruded anyway. I said yea, I DO see that ..but you told me that you were available and I still want to talk to you after.
So she said, OK...you think about what I said and I will think about what you said. We agreed.
She goes in...and starts digressing (instead of starting the meeting as she had told me the reason why she couldn't talk to me!)...and I'm thinking WELL, WELL, you didn't have a minute for ME...but your OFF topic now...but I didn't say that I waited UNTIL after the meeting.
After the meeting....I calmly told her that i wish she would take the constructive critisim and take accountability for shutting me off before i finished my thought yesterday. And I told her that I DID think about what I did by cutting her off as she was on the way in to teach the class...and then pointed out with a BUT...you then didn't start the class..so that actually made me feel like you just didn't want to HELP me.
I did apologize for jumping her on the way into the meeting. And I did tell her that if she is going to tell people like me that she is available for breif counseling moments...that she has to be specific with times...Like "I will set 5 minutes before and after a meeting or something". I said you told me I could talk to you....I tried and you pushed me away and that reaction only upset and confused me more.
We both agreed we had points..and ended on a good note.
Sorry patricia...I was erratic when I posted that....look below for full story...I'm not mad at this woman anymore...I feel like a mature adult...defending the way we ALL should be treated in that group.
Well done Missy. We don't respond to challenges rationally when we're in a drinking frame of mind so your reasoned response to her shows to me that you're acting as a sober person. You're controlling events rather than letting them control you. I wish I could do the same.
I don't post on here but I do like to look around. You seem like a very warm and kind person and I hope you carry on as you're going and don't slip back to the bad old ways.
Great stuff misssy. If there were more people like you in group therapy or meetings I'm sure more of us would attend them. Instead of the same old predictive cxxp week after week. She probably feels intimidated because she realises you know a hell of a lot more about addiction than herself.
Keep going as you'll be helping others in the group X
No..I don't know more about addiction than her....This is what it was about...and I have alot of respect for all the counselors and wish I had persued that avenue as a career.
What happened on Thurs was a man in the group was talking about how furious he was that they lowered his anxiety medication and didn't warn him. She started to try and lure him to look at the board and the things we all came up with to soothe anxiety. I STOPPED her and said - "Wait, I am getting ANGRY right now"....She said WHY?
I asked the guy if he minded me interuptting his time to speak to address why she was making me angry....he said GO AHEAD (was happy I was standing up for him). This counselor is known as a hard a**..so I was a little nervous...but I was mad...some people were covering their faces...waiting to see what would happen.
I said...this man just told you his anxiety med was lowered without notification and you are pointing to a board of activities he can do...I said I KNOW because I have talked to him...that he is not even going to listen to you and YOU counselors always jump to taking medication away...and....THEN SHE STOPPED ME....
I wanted to finish my thought....which was....IF you want to take away medication this type of stuff should be DISCUSSED first in a 1 on 1...and its like COFFEE....COFFEE is a DRUG.....I drink 5 a day...if you were to take away my 4pm coffee...I would be miserable...it helps me get thru the dinner activities....the errands to the store, etc. So therefore, because his medication helps him get thru things and he has been prescribed it for many years...and you yanked it from him without notice....do you think he feels like taking a "hike" or "listening to MUSIC?
But she didn't let me get my point across. I kept trying to tell her she didn't let me finish as she was drawing a stool with 3 legs on the board...showing the 3 legs support the stool...and in recovery....the 3 legs are medication, support and self care (hiking, music, etc). She agreed....take one away...and the chair falls. But, she was saying "medication" is only 30% of the remedy. I kept chiming in saying "disagree".
I disagree because if you take my medication away....than I'm not feeling self care....or looking for support. She never let me say why I disagreed either...kept putting her hand out to stop me and say let me finish....I was SO MAD.
And I addressed it off-line...because I knew in a group....she would try to overpower me again (as the leader) and I was not willing to be shut down without her hearing me out. And I didn't bring up the medication opinons I have...I just said...basically...can you not cut me off or others when we are asking a question and let us finish our thoughts!
Thank you for your sweet response....I had a handicapped sister growing up and I was her advocate...anytime I see someone getting treated as what I feel is improperly...I step in...by nature.
I don't however do this very well when it comes to myself. This whole event was about the woman dismissing another persons feelings about his situation in the group. I was watching him...and seeing the pain he felt...and I had to step in...and I knew I had to step in somewhat professionally and control my vocabulary without swearing..it was hard...lol
Since I didn't do so well at controlling my behavior when she was shutting me down....I decided to address it 1 on 1....so she would LISTEN and not think it was an ACT put on for the group purpose.
Her actions and dismal of this persons problems...really made me angry...and she had been dismissing others very quickly with their concerns for days prior to this incident.
i asked her after our (after group) conversation if she was willing to at least think about my comment about changing her style and trying to let someone finish a thought before budding in.....she did say she appreciated the feedback...but did not agree to stop doing it...LOL.
But, I do know for a fact...when she does it again (its her nature)....she may realize now that she is doing it...and eventually someday curtail it.
hahaha...I don't think I would like malt loafs...I like bread...but what I read yesterday (other ingredients), which I don't recall...I wasn't excited.
I'm sure you have done her a lot of good, even though she won't admit it. Hopefully she will think again without stopping people who are asking advice, unless of course it goes off topic.
Sorry ive not been around much but I'm on 3rd day of detoxing and you know what that's like!
Also when I'm able I will fill my "soothe bag" and have a goal for each day!!
Still in bed, I've got my book, lucazade, water, crackers , vitamins and fruit!!
