Hey guys just joined here and I am mental health is breaking down
I suffer desperately with GAD it is affecting my mental and physical health badly. Tried all the meds which work for a while but can't cope with side effects. Living in non English speaking country in a relationship which is one sided but I am afraid to leave because of a desperate and long life fear of being alone and not having sex( which is the only thing that seems to give temporary joy!) My big problem is I don't know where to start to try and get happy/content.so many suggestions on what to do that I get confused and even more distressed. Any help would be appreciated. P
These suggestions may not reinate with you, but it sounds like you need some intimate connection. A few places I have found that kind of connection are Alanon and a study group at my church. Meditation also helps. Spiritually speaking, we are never alone.
If medication is not working for you, and finding a therapist is difficult due to language barrier, the best bet if possible may be to turn to exercise. If you are physically capable, work your way up to running a few miles 4 days a week. Personally, I slowly worked up to 2-3 miles at moderate pace over the past few weeks and I am feeling some relief. Some of the relief is short lived, a few hours at best and other times it may carry me through the night into the next day. But, any amount of relief is better than no relief. In these moments of relief, we are able to think clearer which could help combat our negative thought processes that could be contributing to our anxiety.
Why are you living there? Do you have a supportive family? I think your more alone then you realize if yiur oartner doesnt care, moved you to a non english location and is leaving you to hang dry. Confused on all this. Theres being alone ohyscially but theres a worse scenario there being woth someone and feeling alone as well.
if you have no option abailable then i would say go on the web and see if you can locate a english soeaking therapist and have your sessions online. Many do that as well. You would need to check the therapist, backround and such as well can even call your old gp and obtains referrals then see if ine will provide you therapy via the internet.
You start right here. Right now. This is your life and jiurney. This disorder sucks. It really does.
Every single meds out there you have tried? Even alternative meds? I dont know. Maybe you didnt give them the six weeks to reregukate you. The beginings are awful with them many uses sanax or valium as needed for the first few weeks
There is hope I am praying that you will connect with someone that can help. Try to have faith. There are always answers. This is a good start and we will keep encouraging you to keep looking for answers to your problems
Yes there is always help. And you are certainly not alone. I have bad GAD and depression. I take Xanax XR and Effexor. The worst times for me are the early mornings I wake with horrible anxiety, rapid heart rate etc. but I take my meds around noon and within an hour I feel better. Especially with the Xanax. But these meds take time to work, sometimes a few weeks. Lots of good suggestions here. Like excersise or even meditation which I haven't tried but heard it works well for anxiety.
Good luck to you and keep fighting. 👊
Hey Deb14256
I am humbled by the responses I have got and great to know there are people who care and take the time to reply Alanon seems to be an addiction help? I glanced at it breifly and just thought I would ask you..as I am curious as to why you suggest addiction help or was that your intention? P
Hey
I am living in Thailand and I actually like the culture,buddhism,weather, I speak a lot of the language and I like Asian people/girlfriends. However there is a lot expected of the male in a relationship hereand that is part of their culture,however I find it difficult to comply but I still want to be here.To be very honest eith you my girlfriend is great in many ways and we do Click. The massive anxiety at the moment is the fact that she had a child already with someone else. I thought I could accept it as we get along great but strangely enough the closer we get the more difficult it is to accept that another guy got a child from her and I will never have that first experience with her. Soetimes we are just together and hanging out and suddenly it hits me like a big train out of the blue and it litterly rips my heart out.She does not know I feel like this.And it is not the fact that I would have to deal with her son (they dont live together her grandma takes care of her for now) or the fact that I might one day have to meet his father (although this would be difficult also as I feel huge jealosy that he had her first and got that special experience/child from her). It is the fact that he got part of her body and always will have that incredible connection with her. I am sure every time she sees her son she will always see part of him too. So it is like he will always be there in the backround. I know it may sound strange and I should "grow up" but I just dont know how to The anxiety this causes is cronic to the point of not sleeping,unhappy, restless,sad and cannot preform sexually for days or weeks at a time.
As for the meds yes I am taking xanax when needed,and they are good short term. Sorry that my message is so long and thank you for reading The fight must go on.
Hey Thanks so much for your reply I appreciate it. It sounds so much that we are similar. What is xanax ZR? Do you find sexual side effects from effexor (Sorry, i am assuming you are male) I take xanax but it should be only short term right? I hope that you are doing okay at the moment
I was mentioning Alanon because it really has been a emotional support for my mental health. I was more talking about what has helped me. It helped me at a time I needed to get out of isolation and start looking at what I needed to do to look after myself in a healthy way so that I could communicate my feelings better. It is a group that shares experiences and learns principle to live by that create a good life. I also find church helps. It helps me to feel secure and not alone. One thing I have learned is that I can't rely on any one human being to provide all my needs. I am learning to find safe groups to make friendships. Sometimes a charity group can help. Getting involved together with others and making a difference in the world can really feel great. If you go on the Hazeldon site you may find a lot of inspirational materials for healthy thinking.
Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Expectations of Others
It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source.
It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It's the other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's controlling. There's a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given. It is reasonable to have certain and well defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.
It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust ourselves to know what's reasonable.
The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discovering an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.
Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.
​I get these quotes from Hazeldon every morning. They help to remind me to take responsibility for myself. Hope this is helpful. We are all in recovery in some aspect of our life.
Xanax XR is extended release. I also take 0.25mg of Xanax if I need it. The extended release works over time not right away. So I'll take a regular Xanax if my anxiety returns, usually at night. Effexor has no sexual side effects for me. But it's different for everybody I guess. They list a lot of side effects. lol. But Effexor has been good.
The best of luck to you. It's a constant battle but there are a lot of good understanding people here.
Okay deb
Thanks again for taking the time to write I will certainly look through your suggestions and I will keep working at this no matter what. Through all of this I still believe my life can and will be better so I look upon this as a journey of the spirit. I hope you are doing good there
I still get morning anxiety but it is getting better
Well at least you have beautiful scenery. Wow beautiful place. Im sorry about your situation but nothing can be done to change the past. Having a child with someone doesnt really always form a beautiful connection. Its sex and makes a child sometimes as well. The child is innocent in this,. You are jealous..is that fair to say? Is their couple counseling avaialable there? I wonder if you will come to resent her after a while. Im not sure she could do anything here to stop it. You must have known she had a past before you committed to the relationship.
I understand ehat you are feeling. You did articulate that very well. You initially posted you felt it was one sided im a bit confused with that.
You know its notnthe first kidd that matters, its the last kiss.meaning she is with you. And you had very string feelings to agree to move to Thailand. So somehingnwas a part of that.
you had dreams yourself. You wanted the oerson younfeel in love in with to also be the mother of your children. The one and only. But you feel for so,eone who didnt fit that mold and hold sadness as you are batteling with if thismismall an error or not. But like you said she has good qualities as well and you enjoy thailand. I cant figure out if this is all just anxiety now. You have made some sacrifices here. Some i dont think you are okay with.theres no pill that will remove your dreams or resentment to be honest. Anxiety.. yes some can but you didnt have much luck in that area.
You jumped and took the risks because you fell for her. Just be very honest with yourself here. Are you committed to her or not? Thats what you need to decide. It doesnt make you a bad person to want a family you know, time will figure this out.
Did you have anxiety issues before you met your girlfriend? Im unsure sure why you cant talk this out with her. In a kind way.
Thanks again for your time Yes it is a beautiful place here. Part of my heart is and always will be here. I lived here in the past and came back again 7 months ago to work. It wss while working that I her. She was honest from the strt about her son. I liked her we started dating and I didnt think it through about her child, probably because I didnt know we would grow close. And when we grew close I didnt realise it would start to hurt so much. She only had one boyfriend ever, the father of her child. She never drinks, parties or treats herself, just works her ass off for her Mum and siblings who live in a poor area. She is really amazing given the fact that she worked from 14-33 yrs just to save her family. To answer some of your questions, I have had bad anxiety all my life, my dad and some brothers have it too. We had a very traumatic childhood and it seems I have carried the anxiety all through. I have had big addiction issues because of it also. Also have huge commitment issues due to abandonment in childhood.The sad part is that I was extremely intelligent in school, I have always been told I am a great person and would one day make an amazing father, and those who know me dont understand why i never used my intelligence, why I never got married and settled down etc,etc.
Yes I have talked to her about my anxiety and she tries to understand.
The one sided thing is that in Asian culture there is so much expected from the guy financially and that is their culture, and something I must accept if I am to live here. I don't mind providing but when I am suffering mentally it can be stressful to work, make money etc. I am an English teacher here.
Yes the child is innocent in this and does not have an easy life either, he seems like a beautiful boy. It is massive jealosy pure and simple. I have always had an issue with previous boyfriends maybe because I am insecure in myself and my self esteem is never very good anyway.
After talking so much about myself can I ask how are you doing? Did you always have anxiety?
That is lovely and so meaningful. I will check out this site thank you
No. But i have it . more the GaD and i get panic attacks, the GAD the what ifs..the attatching outcomes to things is the difficulties that i cant stand. I think parts if this is intertwined into our personalities.
I know what to do, its doing it. Its actually retraining my body, mind and accepting the world as it is. Trusting the process of life. Unsure why this is so hard for us. Even with bad chilhoods, or traumas or whatever brought you to the now..there has to be a way in to ourselves to release this and start living.
Buddhism comes with the karmic energy theories i think but that can be tamed as well. Or tis the lesson you have been sent here to learn. The real hardcore lesson dont come about very easy. Lol. Maybe it is as simole as you learning to love yourself uncondtionally. Not hate on yourself or feel lower the. Another. We are all equal. I personally think we are all one. If we took each persons energy or chi or soul or whatever anyone calls it and put it together i believe we all make the the soirce or oneness but i cant really proove that. I can just understand it myself. Anyway the point is you are not lower then anyone. And your wants, desires, dreams and needs are fine, look love changes people. People change people. Thats how it works. So if you deciede in a year this isnt for you then it isnt you dont have to deciede now. You have to honestly follow your own bliss. That is why you are here this is your journey. And im not convinced you should give up all your eamts and dreams of a family. Perhaps a compromise can be formed along the way. I believe in no errors with ,meeting people. They are in your life for a reason.
I wish you well. This seems to be more of a soul searching plight on some levels.
First step to forgiveness is being honest about yourself. She sounds like a gem. I struggle with situations that are less than ideal myself. My son had a child and is not with the woman. She sure could use a wonderful man in her life to help support her emotionally and financially. This woman sounds like a gem. I have had to go through a lot of struggle to come to terms with the messy situation. I longed for my children to have a partner and children. I hope you can make peace with your past as well as this situation. I am working on my feelings and expectations of live. Group talk helps
Yes I know what you mean, I think deep down most of us know what to do about thsi problpem, but it is like a double edge sword. We know what to do but when it is afficting us bad we are not in the mood to do the right thing and I don't know about you but my disipline is just terrible. It is like GAD actually prevents disipline! (becaue of tiredness,feeling anxious, sad,unmotivated,) we then decide " Oh I will get around to bettering myself in the future,i don't want to think/accept that I actually suffer from it right now!
Also when you said "there has to be a way in to ourselves to release this and start living."...I think you got to the heart of it (at least for me) because I am very logical/analytical/organised, I need a solid roadmap that I nkow will work for me. So far,its been a case of getting through life,first with addiction in my twenties,building a business and striving and becoming rich in my thirties,(a lot of this was for attention and recognition) then I lost everything financially at age 38 and now I can only hope that it is a spiritual journey which is the correct one, So if i was to be positive right now I would say that I am fast approching the "acceptance stage" and my journey, however difficult must continue. They say that sometimes only when we have suffered enough will we truly change.I am not sure if you know this already I would like to share this poem with you and anyone who reads here:
DESIDERATA.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may
be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and
ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you
compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always
there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achieve-
ments as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the
world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of
youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But
do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and
loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you
have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the
universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and
whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep
peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
It is my dream to live like this poem suggests